[carolinagirl05]

Let me start out by saying I'm not looking for controversy, just honest advice/opinions, and what you've done....

DH and I are having difficulties to say the least, on agreeing about Addison's baptism, and religion. I was raised as a Roman Catholic, whereas DH was raised United Methodist. Religion has never really been an issue for us since we've started dating. In college, I usually went to mass, and he really didn't practice while he was in school. When we got married, we got married in the Catholic church. After we got married we went to Catholic Mass with my parents because we live in the same town as them. All through this DH ever said anything. We would occasionally go to his parent's to visit on a Sunday, and then we'd go to Methodist church with them. NOW, he is fighting me tooth and nail about having Addison baptized Catholic. He says that he doesn't want her baptized in a religion that leaves people out (non-Catholics are not supposed to participate in communion at Mass). Anyways this has become a HUGE issue for us, and one that is weighing really heavy on my heart.

I feel that DH is only concerned because his mother will FREAK if Addie is not United Methodist like them. And I don't know if she would do that or not, but his Mom is a real nut about that kind of thing. But DH NEVER goes to church unless he goes to Catholic Mass with me, so I don't know another reason why he's making such a stink about it. And I'd hope that his Mom would be accepting, so long as Addie is baptized Christian. I would like for my daughter to be baptized Catholic- I like my religion. I don't want to have to give up my religion- but at this point I'm so tired of arguing over it- I don't want to fight over God, you know? I've prayed about it, and I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm the one who constantly gives and bends, you know?

So if you and your DH/SO are different denominations, how did you, or are how are you working it out?

[tfitz07]

We are both from the same denomination, so we didn't have this issue.

From just what you typed, my opinion is that your LO should be baptised into the same denomination that you both have been following in your marriage. If you got married Roman Catholic, and you have been going to a Roman Catholic church, then that seems to be the choice to go with... basically to keep going on the same path that you have been.

In the end, this is something that you both will have to decide on though. Don't take others into consideration. This is a choice for you, your DH, and your LO, and no one else.

[JenH]

this is something that you both will have to decide on though. Don't take others into consideration. This is a choice for you, your DH, and your LO, and no one else.

I agree completely.

I'm an atheist and my husband is agnostic so this hasn't come up in our relationship either, sorry.

[reinershine]

i agree. your family is leaning to the side of roman catholic so thats what makes sense.

i dont know much about religion...but couldn't you get her baptized twice? you know, cover all your bases?

[Chikika]

DH is atheist and I am pagan, so I don't know much about Christian values, but I would do what you feel is right for your child. This is not about your MIL, this comes down to your your beliefs and what you feel is best for your child. If it's only a big deal to your DH that she be baptized Methodist because of MIL then it shouldn't really matter in your decision..

[aaronsmommie]

I agree with the other ladies completely. I am Roman Catholic and Will doesnt really have a religion. He doesn't really attend mass with me when I go never has, but when it came time to decide about getting Aaron baptized I explained to him why I wanted it, that it was really important to me. I am really sorry that you and dh are having such a hard time with this, this is probally one of the hardest things to have to agree on. I say just continue talking to him, and ask him why he doesnt want it, and explain to him how important it is to you and maybe he will change his mind.

[juleeannk]

That is a really tough situation. I don't really have any advice because I have no idea. I'm at a total loss. Dh grew up and was baptized in a Lutheran church and my family was never really religious. My mom grew up in a Morman household but she never took us to church. My neighbors took my sister and I to a little methodist church down the road. I was never baptised but my mom made me think that I was though but I recently learned that I was not. I decided to get baptised in a Lutheran church because that's where DH's family are members and we also got our boys baptised at the same time too. So we are all members of the Lutheran church. I basically let DH decide because his family had the more religious background etc... but it sounds as if both of your families do so that's a tough one. I think I rambled and really offered no advice. Sorry! I hope you can come to some sort of agreement.

[muffin]

We're in kind of the same boat over here...

DH was baptized Roman Catholic and went to Church occasionally growing up, although I don't believe he was confirmed. (He doesn't remember, so I'm guessing not?) He has never been to a Catholic Church except for a few friends weddings, in the 8 years that we've been together. He categorizes himself as non-practicing Catholic.

I, on the other hand was raised by non-practicing Catholic parents, who taught us to be good people regardless of what religion we belonged to. Now that I'm older, I see the Christian teachings that were instilled in us, although they didn't necessarily call it that. I spent my teenage years looking for a Church that I felt held the same beliefs and values that I did, and found that the Orthodox Church had the same teachings as I was brought up with and believe in now.

So here's the conundrum... When we first got together, DH knew that it was important to me, and didn't try to change what I believed in. He has been to Church with me on occasion, and he believes in the values, he just doesn't feel comfortable going to the services. He agreed that we would baptize our children in the Orthodox Church and they would be raised to make their own decisions about their faith. Yeah, that was all fine and dandy in theory apparently! Now he doesn't want her to be baptized Orthodox and wants her to be baptized non-denominational?!?!?!?!?!? I have tried on so many occasions to explain to him how this is not even a thing, but he refuses to listen. It's like when we got married. I let him and his family bully me into getting married in a "neutral" (Anglican) Church because DH thought that everyone would think the Church was weird and wouldn't want to stand during the service. His family sees a baptism as a social event and doesn't want to stray from the accepted norm.

What to do? For now, she remains un-baptized. We're still trying to figure it out too! Just letting you know that you're not alone.

[WhoaMomma!]

I practice Messianic Judaism (Jews for Jesus ) and my DH is Lutheran. We were married in a Lutheran Church and the same Pastor will baptize Claire. I didn't really care bc our beliefs are very similar and the setting was much more important to him than me. I only insisted that Claire will honor her Jewish heritage and faith along with the Lutheran teachings and DH was fine with that. That being said I attended a Catholic middle school and went to mass every day for 3 years and took religion class in school. I can completely understand why a non-catholic would object to having his child baptized in the Catholicchurch. Just bc people don't go to mass doesn't mean they don't have strong beliefs and Protestant and catholic teachings are very different Ina few key regards. My suggestion would be to discuss it with your DH and try to reach a compromise. Maybe he would be ok with having the baptism in the church you regulalry attend as long as you agree not to have her take communion or be confirmed until she is old enough to decide for herself and has been exposed to both sets of teachings?

[carolinagirl05]

The issue is he is SO adamantly against it that he told me that he doesn't want her going to Catholic Mass with me at all, and that unless I agree to be Methodist and go to his church, that that we will be going to separate churches, and I "will have to explain to his daughter why she's not included and why I don't go with them." I feel like he's pushing ME to give in and convert. I've tried to compromise- he acts like its his way or nothing at all. And I guess I just don't get how if he DOESN'T practice, why its a big deal all of a sudden, unless MIL is pressuring him?

[Candi_m2b]

I think Danielle makes a good point that it may be worth considering holding off until she is old enough to make her own decision. Meanwhile could you not alternate attending church every weekend, that way your LO will see both religions and be able to make an informed choice?

I dont know much about religion as DH and I were never baptised or regularly attended any sort of church but I think if its really important to you that you should not just give in to make DH happy. Try to sit down and find out if its his family pressuring him or its truly important to him, and then explain that its just as important to you and that you think you should find a compromise....

good luck!

[hotjai21]

Dh and I are both the same religion- so that has never been a problem for us. I dont recomend doing anything until you have both decided on it. Dh and all of his siblings were "sprinkled"-lol presbiterian (sp?) ( no offense to anyone - I just think its a cute saying-lol) only because their mother did it out of spite towards her mil. They never went to one though. He says hes baptist because thats what he knows. He went to a baptist church through school. Our FBC in the town we grew up in was very big among youth. However neither of us have really gone since then. I wont be getting my children baptized until they are old enough to decide on their own. However our religion doesnt baptize infants either- so if it did I probably would. I think that it would only be natural for you to have her baptized in the religon yall seem to have practiced throughout your marriage. Maybe see exactly why he doesnt want to. Is there a true reason? IDK good luck- sorry that was kind of rambling.

Sorry- I pulled this up and wrote it long before I posted it- so you have answered my question.

I think it might be some MIL influcence. IDK Maybe holding off would be a good idea? I think its kind of crappy that hes pressuring you and putting you through a guilt trip.. ya want me to smack him- LOL!! JK! I do agree you need to find out whether this is his idea or someone elses. good luck

[juleeannk]

Ask him exactly why all of sudden he wants this now and make him give you answers.

[WhoaMomma!]

Sounds like he's being a bit of a doucher (as my DH would say). She's your daughter too and he doesn't get to make decisions about her spiritual upbringing alone any more than you should. I think you should make an appt to discuss this with the pastor and priest of the respective churches. I'm sure they deal with the all the time, and I doubt either of them would approve of his strong-arming tactics.

[sethsgirl]

We're getting Brycen dedicated (basically saying that we will raise him in church and teach him our beliefs and all that) and then when he's old enough to decide for himself then he can be baptized if he wants to be. I agree though that maybe you should talk with the pastor and priest and then talk with each other and decide what would be best for you guys and your daughter.

[viXen]

Originally Posted by carolinagirl05

The issue is he is SO adamantly against it that he told me that he doesn't want her going to Catholic Mass with me at all, and that unless I agree to be Methodist and go to his church, that that we will be going to separate churches, and I "will have to explain to his daughter why she's not included and why I don't go with them." I feel like he's pushing ME to give in and convert. I've tried to compromise- he acts like its his way or nothing at all. And I guess I just don't get how if he DOESN'T practice, why its a big deal all of a sudden, unless MIL is pressuring him?

That is a horrible thing for him to say!! He is the one who went with YOU to Catholic Mass and the one who married YOU in a Catholic church, so why would he even think of saying something like that to you?!

First of all, you can take your daughter wherever the heck you want to. Why don't you switch weekends or something, have you go with her to ur religious stuff and he can take her to his? Or everyone go to eachothers? I had an ex boyfriend who didnt practice his religion, go to church, anything, then told me if we ever got married that I would HAVE to be baptised in his religion and get married in a church. That is ridiculous!

I would just put my foot down and tell him that either you compromise and learn to incorperate both religions or your going to raise her in yours. Typically children are raised in the mother's religion. I can't believe he would spring this on you now after having a baby when it was never an issue before! Ugh, I am very angry for you and I hope your able to work this out *hugs*

BTW I was never baptised and was raised without religion, DH was raised Baptist. He believes that she should get baptised when she is old enough to understand what is going on, just like he was. If she decides not to do it, then that is her decision too.

[carolinagirl05]

I appreciate everyone's advice!! Just an update, I got up this morning, got ready for church, and then went back in our room and got her up, and he asked what I was doing and I said I was going to feed her and then get her dressed for church. He said "I don't think so." But didn't say anything else. About 20 minutes later he got up and got in the shower, and we all went to Mass at my Church. He didn't protest much and didn't say much.... totally different from last night when he pitched a fit...

I have told him that as far as I'm concerned, I'd just like to go ahead and have her baptized Catholic, and then down the road, let her make the decision of what she wants to do. The reason I'd like to go ahead and have her baptized is because Catholics believe in the baptism of infants, that it washes away original sin. I'm just hoping we can come to some kind of compromise on this soon....

[nicosnano]

I would say that the church you were married in, is the church to baptize the baby in. I am actually switching churches. DH is not to happy about that but not my problem. Family not happy..OH well. They can deal with it.
It is tough situation though.

[my.estrella]

I actually come from a similar situation. My Mom is Baptist, my Dad is Catholic. My Dad's family attended a more traditional Catholic church (plus this was over 20 years ago) and his family was more traditional so they were married in the church and my Mom had to take Catholicism classes, and take an oath that she would raise her children Catholic.

We were all baptised in the Catholic church. We never attended mass on a regular basis, except for the two years I attended a private Catholic school.

When my parents divorced, we went to a couple of masses, but eventually stopped. My Mom didn't feel welcome because she was/is not Catholic and didn't believe in any of the teachings or ceremony. I personally didn't feel welcome because I had been taught that divorce is a huge no-no in the Catholic belief.

Since then both my sisters have been saved and baptised in the Baptist church. I have been saved, and now my beliefs are closer to the Baptist beliefs but I haven't been baptised yet. It's just something I'm holding onto I guess.

Kenna's Dad isn't very religious, and neither am I, but if we were to go to church we would find a non denominational or Baptist one. We'd never go to the Catholic mass, regardless of my family. I say get her baptised in both. Why not?