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Forum: Twentysomething Mommies

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  #1  
September 29th, 2012, 06:50 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Posts: 5
Hello everyone.
I'm just going to get right to the story. My fiance has a 1 year old son who we just got full custody of as the mother was not feeding him properly, sold all of his toys and belongings, not taking proper care of him.. etc.. thus he was removed from her custody.
The child is now living with us, I've been his mommy figure..

She texts my fiance saying we must tell the child that she was only a surrogate and that if one day he wants to find her, he may, but she will no longer be around. And that he must know that I am his mommy now, and that she was artificially inseminated...

She wants nothing to do with the poor child. This lady has 3 children - different fathers - all were taken from her..

What should I do? Should we go on telling him that I am mommy? Should we tell him I am only step mommy? I'm confused. My fiance wants him to look at me as mommy.. I already look at him as my own son.. but I don't know the right way to go about this without messing with his head..

tips?
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  #2  
October 11th, 2012, 11:49 AM
britthx3's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Asheville, NC
Posts: 90
I would still.tell I'm the truth you don't want him to grow up with resentment towards you for not telling him the truth.
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  #3  
October 11th, 2012, 12:21 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Auburn, PA
Posts: 137
Wow you are in a predictment especially with a one year old! I have a one year old as well. At this point this is really no way to actually tell them that they will understand. I must say I think this women that birth the child (she can't be called mom or mother she doesn't deserve it) should be made to get her tubes tied! Unreal! That just makes me so sad for your step son! Anyways! I think you should just let it go for now there is really nothing you can do with a one year old. You can always have him call you a nick name. To be honest my son talks and babbles alot and very rare does he say mommy. Usually when he wants something. However I agree you should tell him the truth at some point in time. maybe in a year or two when he is talking better and comprehending better. I would just put the truth lightly he does not need to know what she actually said just explain the situation. Good Luck and keep us posted on what you decided and how things are going. You can join us over in the Mom of Toddlers board too!

I have to add one more thing....Thank you soo very much for taking this little boy in as your own. It takes a special person to do what you are doing and admire that in you very much! He probably will end up calling you mom anyways cause you are all he knows as far as that is concern. Still...you should tell the truth eventually
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  #4  
October 11th, 2012, 08:06 PM
JeanZ's Avatar Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 27
I don't get why people that less deserves a child aways gets a child and the people who wants them most struggles?? I had a baby before I met my hubby and her biological father was never around. I didn't bring my dd around my hubby until she was 2. She called him by his name and one day just started calling him daddy. Since her biological father was never in her life, she saw my husband as her dad. She's now 7 and still thinks he's her real dad. It's not easy to just say to a young child that their mom/dad left them so just take it day by day. He will grow up to love you and see you as his only mom. Until the time comes, be prepared to tell him. Kids don't handle stress very well and knowing something like that can dramatize them for life IMO. Good luck and take care
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  #5  
October 14th, 2012, 02:12 PM
MrsLat's Avatar Sept 2014 DDC Co-host
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 3,569
I think, in my opinion, he should call you by some sort of a nickname. Never hide the fact that he has a biological momma out there. Let him decide in his own time whether to call you mom or not. He probably will anyways, but let him make that decision. I grew up in a situation like this. I chose to call my stepdad by his name even though he is my only father figure, but my sister calles him by daddy. It is an individual choice. Good luck and you are a special person to take on such a little boy. Thank God for mothers and fathers like you guys
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