[mommy2tns]

tonight i am really having a hard time dealing with Amber's death. I have definitely gone through the five stages of grief and didn't even realize it until now. It took me a couple days for her death to really sink in - denial. Anger. I was angry that she didn't give anyone a chance to help her. That she would think her life was so bad that she could just leave it with no regard for those she was leaving behind. Angry that I didn't see she needed help. As for bargaining - there was no "i'll do this if you do that" type stuff - but I did dwell on the fact that if she had only reached out she'd have realized that I was going through the same thing she was. I also reversed that and blamed myself, thinking I should have reached out and made an effort - but how was I to know? she's in florida. i'm in michigan.

tonight i'm in depression. i am so many pictures and memories floating through my head right now. i hurt for her family and friends. i hurt for my family. i hurt for her. i hurt for myself. i miss her. i feel so sad that we'll never get together again and go horse back riding or never stand in silence and enjoy the beauty of winter. i feel sad that she'll never find her one true love, get married, and have babies.

i guess that i have acceptance to look forward to. grieving blows.

[Celry]

Grieving does blow, but it sounds like you're doing what you need to do. I'm so glad that you recognize that you couldn't have known since she did not reach out and you live in a different state. I'm sure that doesn't make her death any easier on you. I'm glad you feel like you can come here and vent and talk about it. We're always here for you.

[Mystixism]

I am so sorry that you are going through this, it is never easy. And I know it is cliche but it is true that time heals. It is good that you have an outlet like this though. I will continue to think about you and your family during this hard time (hugs)

[mommy2tns]

thank you. i'd post stuff like this in the pod but i don't have the pw anymore and i'm too lazy to pm for it lol!!

there is a website, jumperpool.com i think, where people actually make bets and guesses as to when and who the next jumper from the skyway bridge would be. i hate that people can actually win stuff from my cousin's death. there is also a spot on there to read accounts of the suicides. the last person to see amber alive posted her account. she said amber had no hesitation when she jumped. she actually saw her jump...and saw her in the bay. she said the last song she was listnening to was a pussycat dolls song and it was blasting from her car.

i am so grateful to have known amber. she was an incredibly beautiful person inside and out who struggled with so much of the same stuff I have struggled with.

[HeatherW]

I'm so sorry you're going through this and we're always here for you, always. I did look up the bridge after I seen that article you posted and I seen the jumperpool site. I was seriously disgusted. We're always here if you need to vent and I just PM'ed you the pod pass.

[mommy2tns]

thank you heather, i really appreciate it.

you guys are the best!!!

[Celry]

That is absolutely disgusting that there is a website for that.

[anothermother]

wow, sorry it's been hard Liza. Hope you feel healing soon.

[mommy*tired]

I am so sorry. That website is awful and don't go there again!!!!
I don't know if you pray...but my advice is to pray hard right now and meditate. I am sorry for your loss

[Cheet_oh]

I've been there too, with the same feelings and such. I am so sorry for your loss and I'm so glad that you can come here and talk to us and know that we're here for you.

[suusssannn]

I'm so so sorry Liza. HUGS