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  #1  
May 20th, 2009, 11:46 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I know all the pros and cons of bf'ing vs. ff'ing, but I just can't force myself to want to try to bf. For some reason the concept of it REALLY freaks me out. I feel like it would do the opposite of help me bond with Brylie - because I feel soo awkward about even trying it. My husband totally supports this and he likes that I want to ff because he can feed her too. (I could NEVER pump, that freaks me out even more than bf'ing).

My dilema is this - I know my midwife totally judges me for not even wanting to try breast feeding. The only reason it has ever come up is last Wednesday I had to go to L&D because I hadn't felt any movement for over 48 hours and my midwife came in to check on me while the nurse was asking me all these questions. One of the questions was "How do you plan on feeding your baby?" and I said "Formula"...and I saw my midwife's face kind of curl up in shock!

I know a lot of people are shocked that I am not even going to try it because I am very much set on having a natural hospital water birth and apparently NCB ties right into wanting to feed your baby as soon as she is outside..I just don't have the desire and it makes me feel like a bad mom.

Has anyone else had these same feelings? How did you overcome the awkwardness of saying "Formula" when you were asked? I didn't feel awkward until I saw my midwife's face...now it makes me feel like crap BIG time. I adore my midwife and would never want to look for a new one (Plus the practice I go to is the only midwife practice in a 100 mile radius) so obviously I am going to stay there.

I know it's my choice, my body, my baby...I just feel like everyone thinks I am going to be a horrible parent because of this....are my feelings normal at all?


Any advice is much appreciated!
Sorry this is so long!!
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December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #2  
May 21st, 2009, 07:35 AM
coastiemomx3's Avatar Missin my hubby!!!
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Well, I tried it and it wasn't for me. We strictly formula feed and I feel just as well bonded with my son. Don't let anyone make you feel as if you are in the wrong for your decision on how to feed your child.The only wrong decision you can make IMO is doing something that you aren't comfortable with. Breastfeeding works for some women and kudos to them but your baby will be just as healthy on formula so don't feel bad at all! There is just way too much pressure put on women to breastfeed.
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Last edited by coastiemomx3; May 21st, 2009 at 07:38 AM.
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  #3  
May 21st, 2009, 09:12 AM
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Before I got pregnant and in the beginning I was like you...no desire to brestfeed at all. It wasn't until well into my pregnancy that I even entertained the thought of breastfeeding. Trinity's dad is very pro-breastfeeding (which I thought was kinda weird for a guy ). So between him and all the nurses and lactation consultants that would interrupt my appointments to come in and talk to me about breastfeeding, I decided to at least TRY it. I really had no reason for not wanting to breastfeed. I just never imagined myself doing it. In the second half of my pregnancy I read up on it...even bought a breast pump. I really thought I was gonna breastfeed her. Now 6 months later, you see where I am.

Even though I eventually ended up making an effort, I COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from. I felt the guilt when I didn't want to breastfeed and I felt it when I gave up. Please don't feel the need to explain yourself to anyone. Even though breastfeeding is the ideal method of feeding its still a CHOICE! Its your baby and your family and you don't owe anyone an explanation.
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  #4  
May 21st, 2009, 09:38 AM
New_England_Girl's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Breastfeeding is only the 'ideal' way to feed your child if it works for you...otherwise it's just the opposite! I agree that there is way too much pressure put on mothers to BF...so much was put on me that I began to really resent it, and now I'm not even entertaining the idea of BF. The ideal way for me to feed my baby is with formula in a bottle!

Don't worry, hun, you're not alone. So many people have told me, "Breasts were made for BF'ing"...um, not my breasts! Please don't feel guilty that your decision is being questioned or that it 'goes against the grain', so to speak. BF'ing simply does not work for everyone, and if it doesn't work for you, then how can it possibly be ideal?

Your little girl is going to be healthy, happy, and perfect...and you'll be a happier mommy (and a better, less-stressed mommy) for not forcing yourself to do something that's just not right for you. And don't worry, we'll always support you here!
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  #5  
May 21st, 2009, 12:05 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
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Sorry in advance for the wall of text:

The only reason I tried breast feeding was a) it's less expensive, and b) social pressure. I didn't really think I'd bond more with my baby, and Luke is just fine having been formula fed so it wasn't a "breast milk is best" decision, either - though I did want to give the kids the colostrum because that's the "good stuff" - after your milk comes in meh, whatever.

So I tried breast feeding, and failed at it miserably. After three weeks of doing everything I was supposed to do, I still couldn't feed Lauren. I started to feel completely inadequate - everyone says breasts are meant to feed babies, so why couldn't mind do it? What's so wrong with my body that I can't feed my child? I'm LDS, so all the woman around me breast feed. I started to cry when two woman near me were breast feeding and I pulled out a bottle. I just felt so broken and useless. Now I completely resent my breasts because their ENORMOUS, sore, and completely useless. I feel like less of a woman because I can't breastfeed (which is weird, because I don't think women who choose to or have to FF are any "less" - just myself).

So seriously.. don't try to breast feed because of social pressure. if you don't want to do it, just don't do it. Don't let people make you feel like crap because you made a choice they wouldn't have picked for themselves. The only wrong choice you can make with regards to feeding your newborn is to not feed her at all.
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  #6  
May 21st, 2009, 12:06 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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thank you ladies! I feel better...I just hate that people think I am not doing what's in Brylie's best interest...but I would be miserable and stressed out if I even tried it. I have read up on it - I even bought a book about why you should BF hoping it would sway me..and I just can't bring myself to do it. I am lucky that my in laws really support this (all three of their boys were formula fed)...and I was formula fed from day 1 so if my mom was alive she would support me I know. And my hubby is REALLY supportive - he says it is not his body so it is not his choice, and I think the idea of his sweet little girl drinking from my boobs is a little weird to him to be honest!


I just am trying to get over the awkwardness of the medical field. I am probably putting way too much thought into this because I know no one can make me do it...I just hate feeling judged over something that isn't anyone else's decision! Thanks a lot though - this really helps put my feelings at ease
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December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #7  
May 21st, 2009, 02:53 PM
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The medical professionals can put alot of pressure on you. I just kept reminding myself that after I have my baby I'll never have to see any of these people again!
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  #8  
May 21st, 2009, 03:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrinitysMommy View Post
The medical professionals can put alot of pressure on you. I just kept reminding myself that after I have my baby I'll never have to see any of these people again!
Amen to that!
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Tolerance obviously requires a non-contentious manner of relating toward one another’s differences. But tolerance does not require abandoning one’s standards or one’s opinions on political or public policy choices. Tolerance is a way of reacting to diversity, not a command to insulate it from examination.
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  #9  
May 21st, 2009, 04:02 PM
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Seriously, if it's only going to stress you out, don't do it. I had the whole "social pressure" going on, and nursing was a total nightmare with my first . DD would cry and cry and cry and cry, because I couldn't get a good latch. She was so hungry, but people told me NOT to give her a bottle, or she'd never nurse again (like that was worse than her starving to death).I was exhausted and ashamed, and didn't know what to do. Luckily, my mom came to visit. Took a good look at me, and told me to switch to formula NOW.
It was the best thing I could have done for my daughter. I actually got some sleep, and she got a full belly, I wasn't resenting her any more (which sounds awful, I mean how can someone resent a little newborn? That's major sleep deprivation for you), and actually started to enjoy being a mom.

Anyways, sorry for the ramble, but if you feel that strongly against BFing, DON'T do it! Maybe you'll change your mind later. I was able to nurse my second baby without any issues. Course he didn't try to chomp my nipples off like his sister, so that probably helped.
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  #10  
May 21st, 2009, 07:03 PM
AmandaR
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You are not a bad mother for not breastfeeding. I didn't. I had some issues on one side from a surgery in HS, but I don't think I would have tried it anyways. My 8 month old is happy and healthy. You know what is bet for you, so don't let other people tell you otherwise.
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  #11  
May 21st, 2009, 07:33 PM
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I am a medical professional and I went against the odds and did not breastfeed. I absolutely couldn't do it. I had no desire to do it and my DH was totally supportive. I had a lot of pressure from my co-workers and my mom but I just couldn't do it. The thought of it made me gross out and being hooked up to a machine made me feel like a cow. I commend everyone who can breastfeed. Plus everyone says it is so hard and time consuming I didn't want to do it. I was set in my decision and I was not going to change my mind. When I interviewed pediatricians I let them know my decision. My pediatrician wanted me to at least try for 2 weeks but to supplement with formula. He said if it didn't work it didn't work.

When I went to the hospital they asked how I was going to feed and I said formula. The nurse never said anything and that made me feel good. My OB was fine with my decision also. Now the lactation consultant came in after my baby girl was born and was asking all these questions about my decision and I felt totally guilty. It was awful that she made me feel that way. My DH went out to the nurses and told them not to let that woman in my room again. I never saw her the rest of the time.

My DD has had formula since birth. The guilt did get to me and I pumped for about 2 weeks but I was completely miserable. I hated every minute of it. I had supply issues and everything. My DH took the pump back that we rented without me knowing because he was tired of me being miserable. Emily is on formula only and doing great. If I have another child I will not even try pumping I will only formula feed because it is what works best for me. I will not even let the lactation consultant come near me.

Now from the medical professional side THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION AND NOT TRYING TO START A DEBATE....I know there is research out there that claims breastfeeding is best but the difference is minimal. I think that people get on a bandwagon for breastfeeding every few years. It is a personal choice and whatever makes a mom happy is what they should do. The kids that I see, it doesn't seem to matter. I have seen breastfed babies with ear infections at 4 months old just as I have seen formula fed babies the same way. The today show did a story on benefits of breastfeeding versus formula. Here is the link Is breast-feeding really best? - Parenting & Family


sorry this is so long.
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  #12  
May 21st, 2009, 08:37 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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thank you for that article!! and sharing your story!!
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #13  
May 21st, 2009, 08:54 PM
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Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about your parenting decisions!
I started out BFing and I was literally starving my son, I didn't make enough, he was crying all the time, I got hardly any sleep, and I was often in tears. I wish it would have worked out but it didn't. Once we switched to formula it was like I had a completely different baby! He has been on formula for 1 month and 2 weeks now and he is doing absolutely amazing! He only gained 8 oz in his first month (less than that, his 1 month appt was a week late), this last month he gained more than 2 pounds! He is so happy now and I am so much less stressed!
I love that other people can help me feed him and that I can leave the house without worrying where I'll hide out to BF!
I honestly don't even know if I'll try BFing my next baby because it was such an awful experience!
You just make the best decision for you and don't let anyone tell you different!
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  #14  
May 22nd, 2009, 07:48 AM
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make the decision that's best for you and your baby, and don't feel bad about it. if you're going to "resent" breastfeeding, that's not going to make you a happy mom.

there are plenty of ff babies that are perfectly healthy and happy. I was completely against breastfeeding too when I was pregnant, and decided I would do it for one week, and then re-evaulate.
I wanted to try it. It's not an easy thing for everyone, and no one really tells you that, and/or you don't believe them!! it's hard to not leave the baby and/or house depending on if you're comfortable feeding in public..and, everyone says it's "free", except it's not! nursing bras/tanks are essential (at least for me!) and they're $$, and to buy or rent a pump is $$, and the parts you need to go with it (strelize bags, storage bottles/bags, etc..) all add up. and i didn't lose weight as promised, either (this was my main reason for even attempting to bf!!).

do what's right for you! I wanted to have a water birth w/ midwifes in a birthing center -- you can imagine their surprise when they asked the bf question and I replied "for one week."
once you answer a few times w/ whatever you decide to do, they'll accept it and support you -- that's their job!

this is long winded, but you can try BF too (I'm not trying to persuade you!!), and stop if you don't like it.
i didn't realize I had so many feeding options -- it seems a lot of people are "you will bf" or "you will not". Clara has been fed from the breast, pumped bm in a bottle, and formula in a bottle since she was < 10 days old, and she's perfectly happy and cute baby. right now I bf her in the morning, and 2-3 times at night, and she gets formula the other 2-3 feedings. it's what makes US happy.
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thank you claire1979!
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  #15  
May 22nd, 2009, 08:37 AM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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convience is also a huge factor in this. I am a farm wife and Brylie will be born only a week or two before Harvest starts which means I will spend my evenings with people in and out of my house (hubby, friends, in laws all come over and I cook for them during spring planting/fall harvest)....also it means if hubby needs help in the field i will have to leave brylie with my MIL or a neighbor for a few hours.

we also go to a lot of public functions (town picnics, county fairs, state fairs (people use our horses for 4-h shows so we go watch them)..and I would be mortified if I had to pull my boob out in public and feed her.


thank you so much for all your insight ladies! I really appreciate it more than you know!! I'm so glad I came over here!!
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December 9, 2013
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Hospital water birth
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  #16  
May 22nd, 2009, 09:06 AM
Tia loves her Trinity!
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I'm glad you feel better now, Chelsea!

Off topic: I'm so jealous of the pregnant mommies on the board. I miss being pregnant! Especially the stage you're in now...far enough along that people know you're pregnant but not close enough to the end that you're completely miserable.
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  #17  
May 22nd, 2009, 12:02 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrinitysMommy View Post
I'm glad you feel better now, Chelsea!

Off topic: I'm so jealous of the pregnant mommies on the board. I miss being pregnant! Especially the stage you're in now...far enough along that people know you're pregnant but not close enough to the end that you're completely miserable.



I am too impatient to be pregnant! I want her here now (well not now, now, she needs to keep baking for at least 11 more weeks!)

I went shopping with a friend the other day and I really REALLY miss being able to buy cute summer clothes...she is soo worth it though!
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December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #18  
May 22nd, 2009, 07:19 PM
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Dont feel bad at all Chelsea! I wanted to BF and I was set on doing it for at least 6 months. DD came and she would scream her head off while I tried to get her to latch and it would end with her and I both sobbing! It was awful the first couple weeks..I ended up pumping for the first couple weeks. I beat myself up SO badly and the Lactation lady at the hospital was just awful. I had a very hard time letting go of the fact that I was giving up on it but I look at Delaney who is 6 months and healthy and beautiful I know I made the right decision as I was able to chill out and be a good mother to her and not be so sad about it.

I learned to not let anyone make you feel bad about what you choose to do for your child. She will be healthy and happy and have a happy mommy!
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  #19  
May 24th, 2009, 06:58 AM
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It should be no one's business how a parent feeds their child. After they are 1year old no one asked if my kids were FF or BF. You shouldn't have to explain to anyone why you are FF.

I don't know how this baby will be fed it all depends on my health, I am one that believes you should BF while on ANY medication. I have no problem FF this little girl, the boys were both FF due to medication I was on. I hated people saying "Do you really need medication?" my answer was "Well I could stop taking the medicine but if I did and died he would be on formula".
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  #20  
May 25th, 2009, 12:57 PM
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Please know that You are no less of a parent if you formula feed instead of bf'ing. My son was bf'ed for two months but we just couldnt do anymore after that. He is forumla fed now and just as healthy smart and happy as any bf'ed baby. Every woman has to make the decsion for herself and her fmaily!

btw..Brylie is a cute name for a little girl
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