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Feeing Guilty...


Forum: Formula Feeding

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  #1  
August 7th, 2009, 12:54 PM
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Hi all-
I have posted a time or two in the Pumping forums and am now considering weaning from BM and starting formula.
However- I am feeling very guilty and need some advice or reassurance!
My daughter is almost 4 weeks old and has never learned to BF effectively. She would latch but then lose the latch and stop feeding. Though she was born at 40 weeks, she was not even 6 lbs and we needed her to gain weight. I did see a LC and continued to try to BF but it was not working. I have been pumping pretty much full time since she was born.

Now, my nipples are sore and weeping and I feel chained to my pump. My husband has to get up at night to feed baby because I have to pump and I can't do both at the same time. Since my husband is working right now and I am not, I would really prefer to be the one feeding her at night so he can sleep. But I am too busy relieving my engorged breasts in the living room by myself while he feeds her in bed.

I want to begin to cut out pumping sessions and start supplementing, with the goal to have my girl on formula probably totally by 2 months. But I feel SOO GUILTY. I feel like I should just pump through the pain and inconvenience and do what is "best" for my daughter. My pediatrician supports pumping her full time if that is the route we take.

Any thoughts? Why am I feeling so pressured and guilty? Did or does anyone else feel this way?
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  #2  
August 7th, 2009, 01:19 PM
JennyBlossom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I totally understand sweet heart. I weaned Kaylin off of breastmilk when she was 8 weeks old because I had ZERO milk supply and the flu. I felt like a complete failure. Pumping can be extremely hard on your body and your emotions - like you said, you feel chained to your pump and you can't feed and pump at the same time... it's exhausting! I give serious props to moms who keep it up for any amount of time!!!

You are not a failure - You are a wonderful mommy and want the best for your baby and your family. Let yourself off the hook sweetie - don't be too hard on yourself. I wasted a lot of energy being mad at myself and resenting formula. When I learned to let go of my anger and enjoy my baby and make the most of the feedings, we were both much happier.

Has your pediatrician given you support if you decide to use formula? I find it even more of a blow when a medical professional gives you grief about it.

The bottom line is... there is nothing unhealthy about feeding formula - it has all the nutrients your baby needs. Your baby will still be a happy healthy little girl
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  #3  
August 7th, 2009, 02:45 PM
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I think you feel guilty for the same reason a lot of women do, it's expected that when a woman gives birth they BF because it's best' which I understand, but when it isn't best for you or your family or your health/mental health etc. then it just isn't best. I felt guilty every single time I stopped BFing because of the pressure and expectations put on society to BF. No one was telling me specifically that I was horrible for choosing to stop, but because of the pressure in society to do it, I felt horrible.

But now, my LO is happy, and I am happy. I was miserable before!

I say if FF will make better sense for you and your family and your situation, don't feel guilty about that. It is your choice and your LO is JUST AS LOVED regardless of if he/she is getting Breastmilk or formula.

*hugs*!
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  #4  
August 7th, 2009, 05:02 PM
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One thing that I have learned is what is best... Yes breast is best but I sane mommy is too. A mommy that is with her child. You know what is best for your daughter. I know had trouble switching for breast to bottle. I just need someone telling me that I wasn't a bad mom for doing it. Especially since he is a twin. I kind of feel guilty for breastfeeding one twin and not the other but it is BEST!!
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  #5  
August 7th, 2009, 06:19 PM
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Thank you ladies...you have given me a boost of confidence and it's nice knowing others are out there who have gone through the same emotions.

Yes, her pediatrician is very supportive of full time formula feeding. As he put it, he is a 'practical guy' and whatever is easiest for us and still nutritious and safe for baby is best. So that made me feel good, too.

I will try tonight to not pump and FF throughout the night. It's hard when my breasts get so engorged, but I know I will have some discomfort and there is no way around it- just through it!
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  #6  
August 7th, 2009, 08:42 PM
JennyBlossom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm glad to hear your pediatrician is supportive! I have heard of some being very hard on moms for switching to formula, no matter what the reason, which just isn't fair.

And yeah, there kind of isn't a way around a bit of discomfort when you discontinue nursing. Here is a great JM article about relieving engorgement and drying up your milk. Mommy tips - Relieving engorgement and drying up breast milk


Keep your chin up momma - lean on us for support
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  #7  
August 7th, 2009, 10:43 PM
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Thank you again. I think I will start to supplement a few times a day and go from there. I really appreciate having this forum and the pumping forum for support!
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  #8  
August 8th, 2009, 10:50 AM
JennyBlossom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommy2Ab View Post
Thank you again. I think I will start to supplement a few times a day and go from there. I really appreciate having this forum and the pumping forum for support!
Sounds like a great idea
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  #9  
August 16th, 2009, 06:44 AM
Rocker*mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I had the same thing.. my son had formula from early on just supplimenting because he's tongue tied and wouldnt latch.. he would fall asleep and fall off the breast then he started just screaming at the breast which made me frustrated for him.... He was also very jaundice and losing weight rapidly (he was born at 36 wks 5 days at 6lbs 2oz but lost a pound in the first week..)
so i gave in and started pumping and supplimenting but i just couldnt keep up with pumping.. i felt so selfish because i thought i wasnt pumping just because it wasnt convenient for me even though i wanted him to have breastmilk...
but i finally decided to stop and formula feed exclusivly and all is right with us haha he's happy, he gained the correct weight and is growing amazingly and i feel so much better about his health and my sanity lol
I hope all these posts have helped to reassure your decisions.. formula fed babies are just as healthy as BM fed babies.. good luck!!
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  #10  
August 17th, 2009, 08:30 AM
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I had the same issue and was only pumping. By 8 weeks I felt like all I did was pump, wash bottles and sometimes feed my daughter. I felt like everyone else was caring for her while I was chained to the pump. We supplemented with formula and BM since I had low supply. During the day she would have to sit in her bouncer or whereever and entertain herself while I pumped. I was miserable and felt like I was missing out on everything. However, when I would think about stopping the amount of guilt was terrible. No one was pressuring me or anything but I just couldn't get over the guilt. Finally my husband took the pump away so I wouldn't feel guilty and because I was so miserable. We weaned Emily and she has been on all formula since about 10 weeks. I felt great after that. It was amazing I didn't feel chained to an object and could spend time with my daughter feeding her and interacting with her and not having to worry about it. It was the best decision for me. My pediatrician was in full support which I think is great that yours is also. He said whatever BM she got was good and that I have to do what is best for me also so that I can be a good mom.
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