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Alright, its 12:12 pm. I should be sleeping and I'm getting tired, but I'm writing this now...so sleep will just have to wait. Where to begin? I know, lets begin when we decided to start trying. I was nervous about it. Neither of my other two children were planned, so we would actually plan on a child. Its weird to me, but I guess lots of people plan their children. I looked up a few ovulation calendars to see when I could get pregnant and we tried to conceive on those days. Supposedly, you can make a girl or a boy baby depending on when you do it; well, isn't that a little "greedy"--maybe greedy isn't the right word, but any baby, boy or girl would be fine. Anyway, I actually had to be like "Babe, let's go an um huh." He was like, "now?" I didn't think he would ask; isn't that every guys dream. Okay, so he went to school last week wed (4th) in the morning. I got the idea...why not use the extra pregnancy test this morning just to see, what's it going to hurt. So off I went. I hoped that I wouldn't pee all over the stick and myself like I did last time...the morning pees really tend to be a lot, lol. I watch the urine flow through the stick and the horizontal line turned dark pink fast...well that's a shocker. It said wait two minutes...and about a minute later I look at the stick and I see a fait vertical line...I get a little closer to see if I'm seeing okay. (With my last pregnancy...I test a day before AF was due and it was a positive sign in an instant) I call my baby at school and he doesn't answer. He called me later and the best thing I say is "whatcha doing?" He replied with the fact that he's in school right now...I know complete shocker. Then I asked when he was getting home. He said when class is over. Next I told him that I have some news for him...I'm pregnant. I think he giggled a little and said something but honestly I don't remember. All I remember was that I wanted him to act differently then he did...I wanted him to rush home, but he didn't. When he arrived home I had him look at the stick for me. He said yep, it looked like I was pregnant. But he still wasn't excited. I didn't get it.
Because I wasn't sure, the next morning (which was 2 days before AF was suppose to come) I took another pregnancy test. Yep this one had two lines, too. Well, just to be sure I took one the next day too. Again, it was positive and darker than the day before. I was pregnant and we just started trying. I felt successful...but then again I wasn't on any birth control. We decided not to tell anyone right away, basically because I want the pregnancy to feel shorter...if that makes any sense. When we found out last time...I knew before my AF, so I felt like I was pregnant forever and a half, lol.
The day for my AF came and went with nothing. So this past tuesday I went to get a pregnancy test with a physician and it was positive. I cried when I was told this, which I shouldn't have done...but it wasn't because I was pregnant or a shocking result...it was because now I have to find a good OB-GYN. My last one wasn't so friendly and did a horrible job on my c-section scar. It makes me sad to think I might have to go back, and that's a not feeling any patient should have. We told our kids, but Madeleine is 1 so I doubt she understands right now. Jaeden, who is 6, didn't get it either, but I did say that he's getting another baby. I asked if he wants a boy or a girl and he said boy. Then he said, "Two babies." He has autism, so that's about all I'll get on that subject. Now if it was about trains...the child would go on, lol.
I'm scattered brained and bored. I do not feel like going on anymore about that. So, now back to the baby. I'm excited. My partner, Berto, is excited too, but he shows it differently. I realize it was like this with our daughter, Madeleine. Once he sees my belly it hits him. Until then, he knows I'm pregnant, but it doesn't sink in. He tells me I'm cranky and that I'm always trying to sleep...duh, I'm pregnant. Really, he is a supportive guy...he's just been on the kick where he thinks teasing me is funny and all it really does is piss me off. I try to explain to him that I can't take jokes, but then he says that I take jokes at work...but he's not there and I haven't really been able to deal with people lately. That's hard at my job, since I'm a supervisor for Customer Service. Another great thing is my sense of smell that is heightening. I can stand the way people smell...lol or certain products we carry. I know its only going to get worse.
I'm tired now. Going to bed real fast. Good night. I'll write more tomorrow...I have the day off, yea!
Well, I lied. I didn't write more on my day off. I cleaned some of my house and I think I even took a nap. I felt like I should've gotten more done. Oh well. We did go out to dinner (the four of us). We went to Popeye's in Lake Geneva which was a fun family outing. Jaeden became overstimulated and kept pacing and hand flapping...just part of the autism. I don't mind it so much, but its hard because I can't tell if its bothering other people. No one said anything, but he did get a few looks here and there. His sister helped get some of the attention...she began screaming and crying when her daddy took the crayons away from her because she started eating them...lol, she didn't know food was on its way. After dinner we went at bought Madagascar 2. I feel asleep during it, but from what I saw it was good.
Okay, so Valentine's day was a HUGE disappointment for me. I worked from 7:45-3:45pm. I thought, great it gives him time to do the few things I asked of him, plus maybe he'll do something nice for me...I did stuff for him--bought him wii, sent chocolate covered strawberries and got him a card. I was practically falling asleep on the car ride home...he mentions on the phone that his mom wants to get Maddie's birthday earrings tonight, great! no nap for me! I get home and neither of the kids had been dressed...his excuse for Jaeden was that he had therapy all day. Then nothing in the house got done...it was a mess, after I spent hours cleaning yesturday...and event he few things that I did ask him to do didn't get done. This irratated me like no other. Look I got you flowers and he points to a vase with a few exotic flowers. I like the flowers, but again it seems as though he didn't really care. No card, no ribbon, nothing. I say thanks as nicely as I can, so that he knew I liked them, but I was hurting really bad.
He dressed Jaeden and I got Maddie's outfit together, so we can change her when we pick her up from my mom's house. She changes and then we start heading to the mall. I was told we were going to Gurnee, which is only 20 mins away. On the way there, he calls his mom, now we are headed to Vernon Hills, which happens to be by my work...why did I drive all the way home?? I fall asleep in the car for a short bit and then into the mall we go. Great...maybe while we are here he's planning on getting me something. Jaeden and I are holding hands...apparently we are much too slow, because before I know it, they aren't even by us. His mom, Berto and Maddie are way a head of us...I don't even know if they know we aren't with them. I'm not even more hurt and I just start crying. (I'm tired, my hormones are all messed up and I've had nothing but disappointment) Jaeden and I sit in the jewelry store, while they are busy looking at earrings...after they've picked out the earrings...Berto asks me if they should get bigger ones...he wants my opinion now??? I don't care...and I continue sobbing. After the purchase happens he asks what is wrong? I cry harder.
We say good bye to his mom and then she replies that she'll see us tomorrow. Really?? This is the first I've heard of this. "OBTW, my mom invited us over to dinner tomorrow." Thanks for telling me. I really want to stay and work overtime now. I keep crying on the way home...and then I tell him. I ask him if I'm special to him. He says I know he loves me. I tell him that I don't understand why he didn't get me anything...we had a little bit of money...not even a card. I feel like crap, I wish today ended sooner. He apologized to me, but it didn't make me feel better. I hope he feels bad...I felt horrible.
I'm so tired of doing everything. I work...he doesn't. He's at home and nothing gets done unless I ask and not even then, sometimes. Lucky me, I clean on my day off...I even clean on the days I work. He use to help. I don't want to be bitter, but I want a partner...not to be the mom of him. GGGRRRR!!!!
My family knows now...I wanted to wait more, but my sister found a doctor paper and kept saying stuff so we let the cat out of the bag. Berto and I might wait a little longer to tell his mom, because she responds differently. My side is happy and we were congratulated. It feels weird, since its the 3rd. Feeling more tired and lazy...should've worked on some homework today, but I didn't want to.
Had court with the ex today. He lost his job...so he brought me into court...now he doesn't have to pay child support...lovely. Its based upon 50/50, but he's seen Jaeden maybe 5 days in the past month. I wish he would just sign him over to me...and I would say fine, no child support, go be on your merry way. I get a lot of anxiety any time I have to go into court and deal with him and the commissioner. Commissioner isn't a fair guy at all...and do not get a long with the ex.
4 more days of work until road trip to AZ with my friend Ryan...I will fly back with my daughter, Maddie. Her aunt and uncle are flying her out there, so she doesn't have to have the fun car ride. Then its a small vacation for her and me. I need it...wish Berto could come with, but he just starts his new job on friday. Plus Jaeden has therapy and he's always there for that when I'm not.