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Today started out like any other Wednesday. I had a list of things to do in preparation for my c-section on Saturday. I wanted to finish cleaning the house … needed to finish packing my hospital bag … nothing major but things to finish none the less. You know me … all my ducks need to be in order.
I started my day by being my usual pain in the butt self and called the insurance company. Yes … we still don’t have the authorization for Saturday ! Can you believe that we are 3 days away and these idiots still can’t sign the **** paperwork ? ! I will be so happy on Monday the 26th when I can call and get switched out of this freakin’ medical group. I have bi-passed the customer service rep Linda and have now been dealing with her boss Rosemary and am still being told the same line of poop … waiting for “them” to finalize the numbers and sign the papers. I asked her how long this process normally takes … the response was 7 to 10 days. Then why the heck are we going on almost 6 weeks !!! I explained that I had a doctor’s appointment this afternoon and really needed to have this finalized. I was told that I should get a phone call this afternoon, with an update. SURE … as usual all I can do is to wait and see.
I did some house cleaning … ok … nesting ! Hahaha
Cleaned up the kitchen, washed all the baby bottles, moved the recent gifts we had received up stairs to the bedroom. I just couldn’t get motivated to pack my bag. I’ll do it tomorrow. I am still confused on what I need to bring. It’s not like I am packing for a Caribbean cruise … this I know how to do !
I was getting ready to head out the door for Dr McGlynn’s, when the phone rang, it was the doc's office. He was running behind. He had been the on call doctor at the hospital and was returning back to the office late due to a surgery. No big deal … I had a few errands to run and would stop by Mom and Dad’s for a little visit. I gave myself an insulin dose, ate luch, and decided to leave.
While at Mom and Dad’s Tommy called to say he was going to be a little late. He had gotten stuck dealing with a big car jacking case and had evidence to submit. I told him doc was running behind and I wasn’t going to his office until 4:30pm. This was good ... it would give Tommy a chance to finish up his case and meet me there.
I headed to the office finally. This was to be our last appointment before the c-section. Routine … weight check, urine sample and ultra sound to make sure she is still breech. I would have one more round of NSTs tomorrow at Eden to re-check everything. Got to the office and doc wasn’t there yet. I stood at the desk talking with Carmen and Joan giving them the story as to where Tommy was. They love hearing the “cop tales”. Finally doc arrived and I was the first to be seen.
I was weighed and had lost 1 pound … I am now at a total weight gain of 19 pounds. These last few weeks have been up and down … kind of crazy but I am happy with the overall results. I think I can lose that !
The first check was to see if there was any change in the cervix … nope … still “soft and closed” This is a good thing when preparing for a c-section. He got out the Doppler and went to listen to her heartbeat … there was lots of noise but couldn’t quite find the heartbeat. So he turned on the ultrasound machine … noted that she was still breech and then went to locate the heartbeat. He kept moving the wand around my belly … he continued to move the wand ALL over my stomach and there still wasn’t a heartbeat showing … he turned the monitor towards him. I now began to get a horrible feeling … his expression had changed … there was determination and panic all in one.
His next comment I will never forget … “you did nothing wrong”.
My heart stopped … it sank to my feet. Was he telling me my baby girl was gone ? I said … “she woke me up at 3am kicking … she was moving away after breakfast”. How could you possibly tell me she wasn’t there now !! He said he was going to send me up to Eden and we would be delivering her by c-section … he never said the words but implied that I would delivering a stillborn baby. He sent in Carmen, his nurse to sit with me, while he went and called Eden to have them prepare for my arrival.
I lost it … I began smacking the side of my belly yelling “Addison you aren’t going to do this to me now. You need to wake up. This is not what we had planned to do today.” Carmen came in and asked how I could get a hold of Tommy. She handed me my cell phone and I placed the most horrible phone call I have ever had to make. When he answered he didn't give me a chance to say anything he just said he was almost done … I said “I need you now … there is no heartbeat”. I know I shouldn’t have said that over the phone but I needed him right then and didn’t want to hear anything about how he was almost done or needed a few more minutes.
I then called my parents and asked them to come down and get my car … explaining that we were headed to Eden … they can’t find a heartbeat and she is going to be delivered by c-section ASAP.
How do I explain what I felt … I don’t think I can … or ever will be able to. It was almost a self preservation work mode … I felt myself detaching from my body and it was like I was looking in the room at someone else. Dr McGlynn came back into the room and decided to check one more time before sending me out the door.
He started back in the same place where we ALWAYS find her heart … IT WAS THERE !!! He double checked again … and it was there strong as ever. He moved the wand around a little more and Addison was actually waving her hand … as if to say “hey Mom, I’m right here”.
Dr. McGlynn said he was sending me right away to Eden to go through a round of NSTs and ultrasounds again to confirm that everything IS ok. He said he would be up heading up there shortly after he finished in the office.
I called Mom and Dad and told them … still come get my car but the heartbeat is there. Our Addison is ok ...
I was just about to call Tommy again when he came walking into the exam room. I was just getting up off the table. The look on his face was indescribable. I broke down and sobbed telling him that we found the heartbeat and she waved to us on the ultrasound. I explained that we were still heading to Eden for monitoring. He looked confused … there was nothing else any of us could say. We don’t know what was going on but … there was a heartbeat … and we needed more monitoring.
As we walked out the door of the office Mom and Dad were just walking down the hallway. We quickly gave them the story … I handed them my car keys and we sped off to Eden.
The wonderful nurses in labor and delivery were waiting when we arrived and got us hooked right up. 20 minutes came and went … her heartbeat was normal … her movements were normal … a typical NST report for Addison. Just as we were finishing Mom and Dad came in the room … we were headed down to ultrasound. Once there … everything was fine … she was moving around like crazy and we received the usual score of 10 for our BPP. We had plenty of amniotic fluid … all was “normal”. The radiologist that came in said “maybe based on her position, her spine or rib cage blocked the heart on his monitor”. He wasn’t sure either but that was his best guess.
We headed back up to labor and delivery to wait for Dr McGlynn. The nurses paged him … he called back right away. The nurses explained that everything was perfect as usual with her. They felt it was ok for us to go home. He said no … back on the monitor and he was on the way up to see us.
We were relieved … but at the same time still unsure of what had just gone on. Dr McGlynn arrived and came into the room and said … “ well all looks just fine. We have 2 options … we can wait until Saturday and deliver her at San Ramon as planned or we can deliver her now, here at Eden.”
WHAT … NOW ? !!
I wasn’t ready to hear that. My crazy mind started to race … I had a nail appointment Friday, I was supposed to pick up our meals and Dinners Galore in the morning, I didn’t have my bag packed … I didn’t have a camera with me ! Can you believe that all these things went through my head …
My Mom looked at the doc and said “if this was your daughter what would you say and do?” He was very blunt … “ I would deliver her tonight”. I was still confused … scared … overwhelmed. What to do ??
Tommy looked at everyone and said “out of the room please”.
Once everyone left … we looked at one another and said “we’re having our baby girl tonight”.
We told doc … lets do this tonight … and the ball just rolled full speed ahead.
Mom called Kirk and Lori … they dropped everything and where on the way … with a camera !!
I put on the cute little green gown … signed papers … got hooked up to an IV … and basically realized that in a short amount of time I was going to be a Mom.
No need for all the surgery details ... but a quick re-cap :
None of the scary stories happened … I didn’t have the sensation of not being able to breathe. I did have the sensation of extreme pressure on my belly. Tommy said they really had to pull to get Addison out. He said it was very un-nerving watching two grown men push and pull on my belly so hard. It felt as if Addison was stuck way up in there by a huge suction cup.
At 10:03pm … I heard … here she is … Happy Birthday Addison
It took, what seemed like, forever to hear her cry … but it was just seconds and she began to wail away.
I began to cry … I quietly thanked Grandpa and Dan for helping her into this world.
Tommy went over and stayed with her. At this point … a lot of what went on next is just a blur. I know that the nurse brought her over so I could see her and give her a kiss but they were taking her right away to the nursery to have her checked out … just in case … based on what had happened today.
I told Tommy … go stay with your daughter … I am in good hands. I could tell by the look on his face … he didn’t know whether to follow Addison or stay with his wife who was still wide open on a table. But he went with Addison … this is what I wanted. I wanted Daddy with her … I didn’t want her left alone.
I was taken to recovery … and they began to clean me up. Tommy finally came in and brought my gorgeous daughter to me. I was finally able to hold her in my arms. It was a little difficult as I was still hooked up to monitors and IV bags and felt totally tangled in wires and tubes … but nothing will take a way that first feeling of her laying against my chest. When I began talking to her she opened her eyes and looked right at me. What a feeling of being complete and completely in love.
This is why Miss Addison Mackenzi Rosenlind arrived on Wednesday October 21, 2009 at 10:03pm.
Pictures will be posted soon ... bare with me ...
~ ~ Robin ~ ~
Last edited by Blondn6ft; October 28th, 2009 at 06:15 PM.
Omg Robin!! Now I'm bawling and I'm so incredibly happy your little girl is here and ok!! I'm so so sorry your had to go through that, I just can't even imagine.
My first c/section was emergency because she kept having heart decels and they were nervous but to be told, there's no heartbeat... OMG! ((HUGS Mama))
Wow...What a story...I literally sat here crying like a baby the whole time reading this...what a scary thing to go through , I could never imagine what you must have been feeling..but THANK GOD she is ok and everything turned out alright. I can't wait to see pictures, I bet she is just gorgeous
*People who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind.*