[Sk8ermaiden]

I went into labor sometime late Saturday (July 11th) afternoon. I was sure it was labor by about 6 pm and called My midwife (who was out of town). She sent two other local midwives over to my house. They checked me and I was a 2. They waited an hour and checked me again and I had had no change, so they decided to go home to sleep.

Around midnight it got really tough and DH called the midwives at that time. They showed up at 2 am.

They checked me and much to their surprise, I was a 7! They really started bustling around then, I'm sure thinking that the baby would not be too terribly much longer. (They were supposed to call my midwife when they were sure labor was for real, but they didn't. She thinks they figured I would go too fast for her to get there from Austin, but of course, that wasn't the case.)

I was complete by 3 in the morning. And then I pushed for 6 hours. I kept saying "She isn't moving [down]" and they kept saying she was moving "a little." After 6 hours I was too exhausted to go on and we decided to transfer. It was only at this point that the midwives admitted to us that she hadn't moved down since the first hour. This really bothered me because if we had known that, we would have gone to hospital A, where the midwife-friendly doctor is, is after the fourth hour or so - while I still had something in me. Instead all I wanted was relief and we went to the closest hospital. That was where it all went downhill. I just wish so much that they would have called my midwife when they were supposed to, because even though the birth result might have been the same, she wouldn't have let us go to that hospital and everything after the birth would have been a million times better.

The doctor came in. He started yelling and screaming (no I'm not kidding) the second he walked in the door, did a rough internal on purpose (he does this to all homebirth transfers I've heard), started threatening us with a court order for a c-section even though I never said I wouldn't have one. (Keep in mind - no one was in distress - she was just stuck.) He was HORRIBLE. DH had to ask him to leave the room so we could even discuss our options. I have since found out he has a reputation all over the city. He also said that someone like me would "never want to VBAC." That I'd "opt for the nice, easy c-section next time after having done all this."

We consented to the section and at noon I went into the operating room. At 12:17 she was born. That is where the nightmare begins. There was a tiny bit of meconium in the water, so they immediately pulled her away and suctioned her extremely aggressively, then they let me see her for 30 seconds and made DH wheel her to the NICU. Even though her apgar was a 9, they were going to put her there to give her antibiotics for 2 days because I was GBS +.

Once in my room I begged and pleaded for them to let me see her. I tried to get out of bed but couldn't. The hospital policy was that I couldn't walk until 18 hours later and that was shift change for the NICU. I didn't get to hold her for 20 hours.

Those pictures people take of their babies, just born, naked on a warming tray and screaming their heads off? They break my heart. I just think "That baby needs to be in someone's arms!! That is not the way to come into the world!" And then there was my baby, screaming on a warming tray. The pain I felt made me want to die right then and there. I felt I had failed her in every way. I will never forgive myself or those nurses for that.

Between the suctioning and the orthodontic nipples in the NICU, Elle developed a serious biting problem. This in addition to a high palate and a couple other nursing issues led to me having to exclusively pump and supplement with formula for 7 weeks. Thankfully I had the help of two wonderful IBCLCs and my midwife and we finally, finally started nursing. I still have a low supply and it doesn't look like anything, including prescription drugs, is going to help at all.

Next time I will be doing tandem care with my midwife (who has promised to stay in town!) and the midwife-friendly OB. I will be having an HBAC. Our experience has only driven home for me how superior the midwifery model of care is. Yes, I needed a c-section, but my baby should NOT have been taken from me. IF we had to transfer again, I have the names of the two hospital here that are most mother-baby friendly. They will actually put your baby on your chest WHILE they stitch you up and never take her from you!!! I just about cried when I read that. No matter what happens, next time will be different.

[Adam&Kaydence'sMommy]

I know exactly how you feel. I was the last one to see or hold my son. I can barely remember the first day that he was alive because I was so drugged. I hope everything works out with your HBAC when you decide to have baby #2. I'm hoping for a VBAC with this one.

[Ellemphriem]

Oh honey i am so so sorry Your experience does sound awful, but most abhorrent of all was that doctor .....he needs to be shot speaking like that. Sometimes i think MEN should NEVER become gynecologists, OB's OR even midwives.....only women should because only a woman can understand what a woman goes through with pregnancy, labor and birth physically, mentally and emotionally .....that's the sad truth.....my hospital put Stephanie on my chest when she was born and left her there while they were stitching me up, but at one moment they asked gently if they could please take her away because she needed to be tested. She was an apgar 9 also, but she was a premmie of 36 weeks and she needed tests done to her. They brought her to me 4 hours later so it was ok for us. What we tend to forget sometimes is that hospitals and their cold ways help a lot of women stay healthy and help a lot of babies be born healthy also. It may not be as we like it sometimes but believe you me your daughter does not remember the cold place she was in alone and screaming now. Now she sees only you and smiles That's what matters

[Sk8ermaiden]

Thank you for your comment. I agree that hospitals are wonderful for helping sick or at-risk moms and babies. However, seeing as she was perfectly, 100% healthy and not premature in any way, there was zero reason for them to steal her and hold her hostage for FIVE DAYS. Even the hospital later admitted it. She may or may not remember being alone for the beginning of her life, but I will never forget it. It was wrong in every way. The hospital was on a sadistic power trip.

[Ellemphriem]

Originally Posted by Sk8ermaiden

Thank you for your comment. I agree that hospitals are wonderful for helping sick or at-risk moms and babies. However, seeing as she was perfectly, 100% healthy and not premature in any way, there was zero reason for them to steal her and hold her hostage for FIVE DAYS. Even the hospital later admitted it. She may or may not remember being alone for the beginning of her life, but I will never forget it. It was wrong in every way. The hospital was on a sadistic power trip.

Yes they mistreated you, specially that a...hole of a doctor .....but they tend to really be like that everywhere kwim? The godmom of Stephanie gave birth to twins (natural) at 35 weeks i think. So they kept them on NICU for a little while. You can't believe the stories she told me and how 'cold' an attitude they had even on very serious cases. I can understand though that they have to deal with this several times a day and after a while there is no room for compassion or what have you Cold blooded professionals .........

[GH1991]

Im sorry they were so mean to you and I hope that your HBAC goes wonderfully when you have your second one. x

[MamaRN]

I'm just reading this now Kellie and I'm astounded at the way the doctor and hospital treated you. I read about Elle being held hostage in the NICU and could totally relate. Nora spent 5 days in the NICU as well (after 4 days with me in our room) and I was devastated when I couldn't take her home or hold her every minute. I boarded in an abandoned wing of the hospital after they took her to the NICU and dischared me (no way in hell was I going home without my baby!!!) and I limped to nurse her in the NICU every 2 hours around the clock and then pumped for 30 minutes after returning to my room and cried. I was recovering from a crash section, pre E, I was separated from my husband (they wouldn't allow him to stay, only me since I was BF) and my baby. I felt so alone. It was definitely not the way I wanted things, but I was sick with pre E and Nora was 3w 1day early and small and my milk didn't come in for 5 days and things just snowballed. I still don't agree with why they kept her in the NICU (low temps and sugars that would have resolved with skin to skin and supplementation until my milk fully came in) but there isn't much I can do about it now.

I'm just hoping for a different experience next time.

[Sk8ermaiden]

Thanks Kim,

I didn't even put all of it! The things they said and did! The part in L&D was because the OB was a jack*** and I was a HB transfer, but the part in postpartum and NICU was just because it's a crappy hospital. I left out so many of the awful things to make it not read like a book. Any time I paged a nurse it took them an hour to get to me. As you know, when your pain meds have worn off and you need to climb back into bed that's just awful.

I am so sorry about your experience. I was lucky () in that I had sky-high blood pressure after delivery that they couldn't control and was in for 4 days. The one and only nice NICU nurse arranged for me to have the nesting room in the NICU wing for the last day of Elle's stay. Chris was in there with me. It was the size of a postage stamp, but we didn't go home without her. It really blows. You're kind of in limbo - none of the comforts of home and no one taking care of you. I can't imagine not having my DH there. I'm really sorry.

Isn't it so frustrating?! They wanted her for 24 hours they said, because of the GBS. Well fine. I've done the research, and I know how stupid and ineffective it is, but I just couldn't fight. And then her tests came back clean and they refused to let her go because now they want 48 hour results, just in case. And of course those are clean too. But now they have been feeding her on an IV for two days just because it is in and makes their job easier. (ABSOLUTELY no reason to feed through IV on a healthy baby!) And all the IV fluids threw off her electrolytes. And even though I knew that just getting her out of there would resolve everything, they had all this extra crap they wanted to do because of it and three extra days and so many heel pricks.

The kicker? When my ped couldn't find the supplement they wanted her to continue (the same reason they kept her 3 extra days) the Dr said, "I'm not sure why she was on that - you should probably take her off it." You know what is best for your child, but you just feel steamrolled. Or at least I did. Like if you try to put up a fuss you're a bad parent who's medically neglectful or something.

I know what you mean about a different experience. Did you say you were having a repeat? At least you will know what you want and be able to have a say in how things go. I hope you get a much better experience next time. No one deserves to be separated from their baby, much less for invalid reasons and while recovering from major surgery.

I feel lucky in a way? Because my experience was so terrible, I have only one priority, and that is that my baby is not taken from me next time. So many women come through ICAN and pin all their hopes on VBAC and if it doesn't happen they feel like failures and some end up with PPD and PTSD and they really take it hard. I want a VBAC so badly, but if I don't get one, that's fine, as long as I have my baby in recovery.

[nvr.4.gtn]

Kellie I think you have a wonderful attitude despite everything thrown at you. I was your due date partner and I will never forget the texts messages I got from you

I agree about the way you are taking it, next time you know what you want but its not the end of the world if you don't get it, its just not the original plan.

[soImarriedAnerd]

When I read stories like yours it makes me very ashamed of some of my medical professionals who SHOULD be there to Help, not hurt.
I can't even imagine how horrible that must have been for you.