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So a good friend of mine found out she was unexpectedly expecting last week. On Friday she started having some bleeding and ended up in the ER last night and it's a confirmed loss. She is totally devestated. I've never expirienced this, or have known anyone personally that has...
So my question is..is there anything I can/should do for her? I feel so helpless as a friend
Basically, just be there and listen to her if she needs a shoulder to cry on. The one thing that hurt me more than anything was my friends distanced themselves from me after my miscarriage. They didn't know what to say, so they said nothing at all, and I felt like a leper.
Maybe buy her a nice card and some flowers. Also the one friend who did stick it out with me, had made me some cookies which i thought was so nice of her.
Daughter: Rylie 2 years old. Born 3/18/2013
TTC #2 with MTHFR C677T and a Balanced Reciprocal Translocation between chromosomes 1 & 4.
Always missing my 5 angels. 2/9/06, 3/12/11, 5/22/12, 11/27/14, 7/22/2015
I've never been pregnant, so never had a loss. But, I've had friends that have. Everyone copes with them differently. One of my friends never wanted to talk about it. My other friend found comfort in talking about, in my hugs and appreciated that I let her cry on me. Follow her cues and lead..
I'm really sorry for your friends loss.
Ask her how she needs you to be there. Some people need to talk about it and others want to keep it to themselves, so I would just find out from her what it is that she wants right now.
When my SIL had her miscarriage, she didn't want to talk about it and didn't want anybody bringing it up, so I didn't talk about it but left the door open that if she ever needs me, I am here. Now, she is pregnant again and is able to talk about it more openly.
I agree with what everyone else has said. Just let her know that you are there for her and that she can talk to you. The hardest part for me has been that my friends and family, not knowing what to do, haven't offered to listen and when I do try to talk about it, they try to change the subject because it makes them uncomfortable. My sister actually gets annoyed when I try to talk to her about my loss!
So just give her lots of hugs and let her know that your ear is open. Also, it may take a while for the loss to really register with her. I know I was in shock for the first week or so and then it just hit me and I cried constantly.
You can also offer to do a girls night in (many women need some time to recover before going out and seeing other people, especially since going out means potentially seeing pregnant strangers) and bring comfort foods, a favorite movie or game, and some nail polish for DIY manicures.
Oh Ashley, I 'm so sorry for your friends loss :-/
My 1st pregnancy I miscarried. I went to my 12 wk apt and found out the baby was gone at 9 wks....3 wks and I NEVER knew..No bleeding, hurting or nothing. So I had to have a DNC....It was rough, I sometimes sit and wonder what the babies sex was, what he or she would've looked like...etc. Then with my girls I was such a trainwreck scared something would go wrong...Thank God I have 2 healthy girls! <3 I suggest most of all support, always let her know if she needs to talk or if she isn't ready to talk about it totally understandable. Hugs to your friend <3