[May14th2011]

The other day, Nephew (who's 7) got in trouble. He did one thing after another all day until his mother had told him that if he continued he couldn't play with his new Christmas presents if he continued this behavior. He persisted and lost his toys for the time being (he will get them back eventually).
Not long after that, he was scolded again, and this time, he cussed at his mother, yelling the F-word.

What would you do if your 7 yr old did this? I've been thinking about it for a while and I have no idea what I'd do.
This isn't one of those, "he doesn't know it's wrong" situations. I've been a Nanny for 6+ years and I've had little kids using cuss words without knowing they shouldn't. Nephew delibaretly used it as a cuss word, at his mother.

Of course, I suppose that not everyone has the same views on cussing, so if you wouldn't care if they did this, I'd love to hear why!

[SammyJ]

I don't really know what I would do in that situation either as I am not a parent and don't really have experience with that sort of thing. While he clearly knows swearing like that at his mother is wrong, maybe he doesn't really understand why it is wrong. It might be a good idea to explain it to him and then make him reiterate it back so he can accurately show that he understands why it is wrong. I am sure there needs to be some kind of a negative repurcussion as well, but I am not sure what would be appropriate in this case.

[cocosmumNco]

my daugther would never dream of swearing but shes a very passive child. but the best think to do is tell them how it upsets you to hear that word but maybe not till they have calmed down.

[Keakie]

Well, why was he acting up all day? I would try to figure that out before determining a course of action. Taking away his Christmas presents wouldn't be the solution I'd go with regardless (unless what he was doing what directly related to his presents, like if he were hurting someone with one) but the first thing I would try to figure out would be, why is he acting up? Is he hungry? Is he worn out or overstimulated (and Christmas day is ripe with opportunities to be overstimulated - there are a million new toys to play with and probably lots of people over and the schedule that they're used to is thrown off for a couple of days while the holiday festivities are going on). Has he had too much sugar? Has he had too much time in front of a screen (as we notice that too much time on the TV or computer makes the kids act out or get mean with one another)? I would try to remedy that and then go from there.

As far as cussing goes... I don't know. I know this probably won't be a popular answer but I wouldn't focus on the cuss word. It's just a word, and while I think it's important to teach children how to use their words properly and express themselves respectfully, freaking out over a cuss word just gives the word power. If a kid knows I'm going to lose it over a certain word and that kid is mad at me, they'll probably use that word. So first of all, I wouldn't give the word itself any extra attention.

What I would pay attention to is the fact that he spoke disrespectfully and rudely. "That is not an acceptable way to speak to me. You may say, 'I'm angry that you took my toys'. Try again." If it continued or escalated, "You may not speak to me that way. You are allowed to be angry, but you may not be rude and hurtful. I am going to put you in your room/go into the other room/otherwise separate myself from you until you are calm as you are too angry to make good decisions about your words right now." And follow through, even if it means walking him back to his room 3 or 4 times. Once he has calmed down, I would reiterate that feelings are okay, but the appropriate way to deal with them would be to say _______ or go do ________. It is not appropriate to speak to Mommy rudely, and you will need to make amends for being hurtful."

For me, teaching children to make good decisions and teaching them how to handle their emotions and disappointments in an appropriate way should be the goal at all times. It means not only telling a kid what NOT to do, but what TO do, and offering an opportunity for them to make a better choice (because it IS a learning curve for a developing child ). The repercussion would be that I wouldn't want to be around him because he was speaking disrespectfully and rudely, because that's what happens in the real world - if you treat people poorly, they don't want to hang out with you. You need to make amends for treating people badly.