[bellabri287]

I am so upset, I need to get it out and here is the only place I have. Apparently my wait is getting probably longer because of finances. DH and I have been talking about having a baby and me being a SAHM for a long time now, in October when I stopped the pill he was like, "at this point paying off the car doesn't mater, we just have to wait until insurance has open enrollment and if your 5/6 mo PG by then that's OK."

Well no. DH didn't think about finances, picking up all what I pay for each month and then adding in me & baby for health insurance is $900+ we did some crunching and it does not add up. Even if I remove the car payment (which would only be around for 4 months post baby if I got PG in June) we are still VERY tight. Much tighter than I anticipated. I thought DH had this worked out, he is control of finances. I even went and tried to see how much private insurance would be but I am overweight and have a preexisting unknown autoimmune disease so I am 99.9% sure they will deny me.

He told me he thinks we can squeak by as planned with a car payment, but as it is our crunching does not include ANY baby costs. I plan to cloth diaper, make baby food, and BF (hopefully) so that will save money but costs won't be $0. If premiums go up, on insurance we are screwed.

I feel so... upset, empty, defeated. I am mad at DH for not thinking about this, but I know I can't be 100% mad with him because it's not his fault. I feel like my dream of being a SAHM is crushed and ever having a baby. I am not used to living paycheck to paycheck, but it seems that's the only way we can have a baby, what I make per month would likely only cover daycare in CA. So my wait would be extended until... well... now I don't know. The sick thing is, in most states we would not be considered low income by any means, not even here in CA we are solid middle income, but with student loans, 1 car payment, a mortgage and insurance I don't know how it can work.

I just want to cry.

[Keakie]

I don't have any good advice but I couldn't not send you I'm really sorry. I would be pretty upset too, not to mention how thrown off I would feel. I hope you and your dh are able to figure out a solution that works a little better. How is your family support? Some of those things (cloth diapers, etc) could be baby shower gifts. I know it wouldn't be a permanent solution but it would give you a head start.

[plan4fate]

I have no advice at all, but like Kayla I wanted to make sure you knew I'd read it and want to hug you. My DH doesn't think stuff all the way through either... but we don't have ANY extra payments other than Child Support to factor in... he just likes to have income well above what he needs... and he won't consider trying if we get below that (but still well above what we actually need).. but he's not budging on his 5 year stance...I told him he needs to get his act together fast, because NOT having a child isn't an option.

[Shades of Grey]

Im so sorry hun. I would be frustrated too. I dont really have any good advice. We are not considered middle income, but not low enough to qualify for any sort of assistance. We had to make some serious sacrifices for me to be able to stay home. My income would have only covered child care too. I would give it all up again to be a SAHM. I hope things work out for you and can make it work when you are ready. The only thing I can think of to help prepare financially is buying CDs ahead of time? I am going to start buying a one or two (or 3 or 4 lol) each month so its not as big an expense by the time I will need to use them. My husband thinks Im silly and OCD but by the time we have another LO we won't need to purchase any diapers, hopefully, and then he'll appreciate the financial difference it makes

[Jannell]

I just wanted to get you hugs too! Feel free to vent anything and everything out here!

[SammyJ]

I'm so sorry, girlie! (((HUGS))) Finances are seriously the most difficult part to work out when planning for TTC. I know I have had to do lots of finangling to get things to work out so we could have a baby, but it is still going to be very tight for a little while until we move elsewhere. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't locked into a mortgage, because we could find a place with cheaper rent, but because of our house, there isn't much flexible spending with other things. So I totally get where you are coming from.

I know that at this point in time, there is no way that I could be a SAHM. In fact, that will not be a possibility for a very long time. However, I am trying to work out a situation where I can work from home a good majority of the time. Have you considered doing something like that? I know being a WAHM is not for everyone, but it might be a way you can still stay home with your baby and not have to push TTC back any further.

I hope you guys are able to figure things out!

[2Corinthians10:4]

Have you considered doing something like home daycare? Up until last February I had worked all of Dd's life. But Dh joined the Army so I had to quit. We are trying to pay off all our debt so although we could make it without any income from me I decided to do home daycare to help get our debt paid off faster.

[Megan30]

I'm sorry you're going through this and just letting you know I'm here as well to listen to you anytime.

[cocosmumNco]

you know what hun sometimes you just have to do it to realise things aren't that bad. if your dream is to have a baby please don't let money worries get in your way you will regert it. you will make it work some how.

[bellabri287]

thank you all so so so much, you have no idea how good it is to get it out and hear encouraging words for you all. i read these and started crying again.

DH felt so bad last night he went to his benefits lady and asked her to run the numbers for take home pay after insurance for the 3+ and it's not far off what we calculated. DH still want to try in June, I'm so scared we wont be able to make it. he thinks i'm baby crazy and don't think of the reality and cost, but I do. apparently more than he did.

anyways, if I can get my car paid off we will be OK. I think DH is also banking on us not getting PG in june. I asked about buying things before June to help save money and he was not too pleased, even just diapers. I will research and see what kind of diapers I am leaning towards, I have nobody I know who cloth diapers so... this is my only place for real world advice! Maybe I'll buy them and just not say anything! LOL

thank you gals again, I'm still worrying but not as bad as before, not completely hopeless and DH confirmed he is ready and wants this so...

[taatie10]

I'm really sorry to hear this.
I know its not easy when it comes to insurance. And pregnancies are so super expensive without insurance even if the delivery will be after delivery.
Let alone all the costs of baby.
I hope you guys can figure something out and get a new date set.

[PurpleStar]

{{{HUGS}}} So sorry you've run into this road block. I HATE finances and how it can get in the way of things.

I always think "where there's a will, there's a way" and try to see even the most unappealing options. Like, maybe SAHM isn't something you can do right away but you can work and save (whatever pennies you can) and eventually get to a place where you can become a SAHM. And kinda like what Michelle said, sometimes you just have to go with your heart. Vaughn was a surprise and needless to say there was no planning or saving on either of our parts...but I knew in an instant that I could not wait for our baby to get here and we just made it work. Its hard and it sucks sometimes but its worth it just see our baby smile.

I looked into assistance once and we don't qualify either. While we are a sole income family, Josh just makes too much according to their guidelines...but like you said after factoring in a mortgage payment, two cars, insurance, utilities, food, and all the odds/ins...that pay is gone.

I hope you and DH can find some resolutions!

[Butterbear]

Originally Posted by coco and icklepiggle-mummy

you know what hun sometimes you just have to do it to realise things aren't that bad. if your dream is to have a baby please don't let money worries get in your way you will regert it. you will make it work some how.

I agree with this. There is never a perfect time. When I found out I was pregnant with DS#2 my DH had just lost his job and our health insurance- we were in the middle of moving to another town- it was a mess but it really did all work out in the end.

I'm so sorry that you are stressed and sad. I hope that you find what is right for you.