[PurpleStar]

So, this whole limbo stage I'm in right now (5 days late, or if I O'd late than I'd be like 1-2 days late) has got me thinking about "stuff".

With Vaughn I was completely surprised...Josh and I were long distance at the time and we were religious about condom use during sex (no oops! not even a temptation!), but when I ended up 2 days late with a BFP I was ecstatic and beside myself with joy. I had an easy, healthy, peaceful pregnancy and never had any problems...his birth is another story though

NOW, I'm feeling anxious...because I'm thinking "how wonderful if I'm pregnant...I won't have to deal with 'trying'". But during the past couple of days, while I'm waiting it out...I've had all kinds of worries kind of come to surface that I didn't have to deal with before, because with Vaughn in a blink I was pregnant...there was no time to think about anything...it just was, and I jumped in with both feet with no fears.

If I'm not PG now, I dread "trying" and not succeeding right away. Truth be told I'm a control freak to a certain degree and the idea of not conceiving right away makes me anxious about feeling a failure. And even though I cater more to my "go with the flow" spirit in me, I hate when things don't go my way. Then my full fury as an Aries comes out!

I should have stopped reading, but I was lurking and came across a post about Down Syndrome which led me to google about my chances of my child having it and I started getting twitchy about being "older". Granted I'm only 31...32 if not PG now and Advanced Maternal Age I guess starts at 35 (geez, I hate that term...so lame!). But it really made me question what it is I'm truly capable of...and if I have limits?! What would I do?!

I've thought about whether or not I can handle 2 kids, when my one can make want to pull my hair out sometimes! I worry about whether I want to gain weight again and if I have the strength to lose it all over again. I already know I'll have a fight on my hands for the right to choose what birth is right for me because of the VBAC ban here.

It all kinda makes me hope I am PG, cause then I can just switch modes and move forward and not think about any of this "stuff" anymore cause its already done!

And even though I know deep down, 1 more child IS what Josh and I want...sometimes the worries and junk can make a person nuts!

How are you girls doing? Any of you experiencing " the jitters" or "cold feet"?

[Memi]

I can relate to a lot of your fears. I also had a c-section (after an awful 18 hours of labor) so I've already started researching my options, as I'm also going to have to fight to get a real chance for a VBAC that I so badly want. Actually being able to handle two kids is daunting too when my one can be such a hand-full some days. And I'm also a control freak! When I was TTC I was completely obsessed and consumed with it 24/7! Luckily we got a BFP after my first cycle of trying. But since I'm thinking of swaying for a girl next time, it taking a lot longer is a big fear of mine since you have to time it farther out from your O, it's likely not going to be extremely successful as soon as last time. I don't mind gaining the weight while pregnant bc I loved my preggo belly...but the aftermath it left on my body was a whole different story.

I think the biggest fear for me is the timing of it all. I hope it is crystal clear when the right time is. I can plan it out all I want, but I just want it to be the right timing for our family and when DS is able to be more independent.

[Keakie]

That's definitely a lot of things to have on your mind. I'm sorry you still don't have a clear answer. I think that would be driving me insane, too!

[Shades of Grey]

Ugh, I can relate to the go with the flow control freak attitude! lol sounds like a contradiction! I dont like the idea of 'trying', I would much rather just let it happen. BUT thats hard to do. I am worried about it happening before Im ready, before hubby is ready. I want for us to both be on the same page, and deciding its the right time. The timing also carries over to financial concerns as I am not insured at the moment. The insurance offered to my husband is really not very good, and we have to wait until open enrollment anyway. I also worry about waiting too long. Greyson is turning 4 soon, hes likely to be 5 by the time we have another one. I'll also be 31 or 32 by that time too. So many little things to worry about...

[Steph604]

Im sorry you dont have an answer yet

Im a bit anxious about having to go through labour again but this time I want to be more prepared- I did a homebirth last time but I didnt have enough coping techniques to use. This time I want to do hypnobabies and have a doula.

Im also wondering how it will change things after baby is born- I feel sad about my "baby" not being the baby anymore and having to share his Mommy.

I also hope it happens pretty fast. DS was an "oops" so I never went through TTC so although Im excited to get to do that I know Im going to be impatient!

[cocosmumNco]

i've been doing this lately hun, worring about losing a baby worring about complicationas in my c/s or still birth the list goes on. its anoth to put my off trying well almost cause my baby fever is though the roof at the mo.

[plan4fate]

*HUGS*

I don't want to have to "try" either. I know DH does because it will mean more sex for him, but he doesn't understand what it's like to feel broken because it's not happening. I'd much rather an oops.

[bellabri287]

You are SO not alone!!!!!

As much as I hope to get PG fast, I am scared out of my mind that it won't happen and we will have to try for ever and end up loathing DTD. I am scared I am broken, I am scared he is broken.

I get scared we are not ready when we plan to start TTC, won't be ready ever, scared that our planning for me being a SAHM will fail and we will be screwed, scared that I'll miscarry and have already told work I wont be coming back.

I am also scared of getting PG in general and giving birth, since it's my first. I have no clue what to expect, I'm an only child, 1st in my friends to be close to this stage in my life.

I dont know any babies, the few I have been around have cried the instant I smiled at them, if I held them they wailed unending. I am so very afraid my child won't love me and will cry when I hold them because that's all I know.

DH think's all I want is to get PG and I don't worry about anything and I'm not scared... I think when I see those 2 pink lines it will be the scariest moment ever. And happiest.

[LadyGamer]

I'm just all around terrified of everything.