[Memi]

Okay girls, I need some advise because I'm really starting to waiver and am just more confused than ever!

DH and I planned to start TTC in May, but with timing we were going to sway for a girl. Obviously swaying for a girl means you do not BD while you're Oing, therefore it will likely take quite a while to actually get a BFP.

Now the closer it gets to May, the more cold feet I'm getting. Of course there are good time and bad in our house just like anyone else's but here's my delimma:

Last year was extremely difficult on us financially and relationshionally. DH and I are slowly getting back where we need to be with our relationship and with finances. But it's still a work in progress--we went through a lot!! I feel like maybe we need to work on our savings and communication more before even discussing a baby again? And then there's DS. I really wanted a 3 year age gap. If we started TTC in May and got pregnant quickly (unlikely with swaying) then I'd have kids that are 2 1/2 years apart. While I love DS and he's the apple of my eye, he's such a handful these days!! There are days with him that I wonder what I'm thinking to add another to the mix so early. And I also don't want to take DS' "babyhood" away from him. I want to enjoy time while it's still just him. And I really want to get him potty trained before having another as well.

Soooo....all this to say I really don't know what to do with myself!! Do I continue to chart and temp and start TTC in May with swaying for a girl....OR do I put it off for at least 6 more months and then TTC maybe at the beginning of 2013 and not sway at all and just DTD to get a BFP quickly?

I really wish there was just a clear answer!!

[plan4fate]

*hugs*

Only you know what will be best for you.

But I want to pass some advice to you my mother gave to me. Keep in mind she has a 32 year old step daughter, a 28 year old daughter, a 21 year old son and a 19 year old son. The two boys are 22 months apart. My mom Nursed for almost 5 years straight. She weaned my brother when she was 7.5 months pregnant because he was squashing her belly too much.

"when you have them, have them together. Having them more than a few years apart only makes it harder down the line when they're doing the same thing at different times because of their age and you end up choosing who gets your attention and who doesn't.

My mom didn't get to partake in most of my life. Sporting events, plays.. etc because she had two little ones. My older little brother often got made second fiddle because the little one needed her where he was more... but it wasn't as severe as it was for me being almost 8 and 9 years older. It really hit me hard.

My cousin has less of an age difference in her brothers. Her gap is 5 and 7 years and she had the same problem.

A friend? the gap is 3 years on either side.. so they were never in the same school at the same time except for elementary.. that always meant someone ended up feeling left out.



So my advice would be, look down the road further.

[PurpleStar]

HUGS honey!!!

Seriously, I could've written some of the same stuff!

I also want to sway for a girl, but since my time range to get PG is short, I may just give up on it after a cycle if it doesn't happen right away. In the end, for me, I'd love a girl but a child I want more. So if I end up to 2 DSs, I'll feel very grateful anyway =)

I'm so with you on DS...Vaughn is my love and life, but its been very hard lately...I'm overjoyed he's developmentally a super star, but he definitely has an independent streak blossoming and my patience and tolerance levels are getting a severe work out. Time out for mommy?! Yes please!!! I have often thought myself "what in the hell am I gonna do with 2?!!!" "how will I handle them". But I always answer myself with "it'll just happen and you won't even remember worrying or thinking about it when the time comes." And I'm sure the same would go for you too.

But I agree with Ashley...while 2 under 2 isn't my thing, I think 2-3 years apart is great. Vaughn will have a true sibling to grow up and old with AND I thinks its far enough that they'll each have their own friends and own life independent of one another - which is so important for me to give to them. To allow them to each grow into their own person and ideas, and yet share a connection and bond with one another through their relationship, family, culture and traditions.

But I agree with what Ashley said - only you can know what is best for you.

On a side note: last year Josh and I were brought to a breaking point and i truly thought we weren't going to make it. We were broken in the worst way. BUT the one thing we did know was that under all the pain, there was love & commitment. And although that alone wasn't enough to repair us, its part of our foundation. And from that we rebuilt trust and communication. We are so much better than before the break. In a way, without it we wouldn't have the relationship we have now and its a million times better. Crazy when I think about it.

I know that wasn't really advice, but I just want you to know you're not alone.

I know you'll be able to decide what's best not only for your family, but what's best for YOU!! Don't forget about making YOU happy too.

And you know we're all here to support anytime

[Memi]

Aww, thanks ladies! I know you're right. I suppose what I'm really feeling is I'm truly not ready now, but I hope to be ready in a few more months when summer gets here. I suppose I'm just getting anxious about what that time will bring, but I can't spend my time anticipating whether or not it will be the right time then...I'll just have to wait and see. And that's tough for me, being the big planner and immpatient person I am
Until then, I really need to just focus on taking each day by itself.

Jeanette-- I'm sorry to hear that you guys had a rough year last year too That's never fun to go through, but it is nice to build and work on those relationships, make them stronger, and come out on the other side. I'm glad to hear that you were able to grow from your circumstances and not let them break you. I'm proud to say DH and I are doing the same, but we still have some more growing to do. Rebuilding doesn't happen overnight, unfortunately.

[cocosmumNco]

hun i've had this loads myself unsure whether i'm ready or not. its something you have to live with alittle to know if you are or not.
go alone as may is your ttc date bit if you aren't ready when it gets here don't ttc if you are still unsure sway for a girl which will buy you time.
you don't have to have a cut off to sway for a girl hun you could have a loose sway and just change your diet alittle (which i think works better) and bd loads to reduce sperm count.

gonna start a new thread on swaying cause i think theres a few of us swaying.

re age gap no matter what age gap you have you will find postive and negs of it. theres 7 years between my 2 and it seems to work they don't argue and they play together but when dd is at school all day ds is lonely
we did worry about things like we can't do same things with them but its never been a problem we just work round it.