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Hi everybody im new here and im looking for some advice and tips!
Ill give you a little overview of my life.
Im twenty years old and ive been with my partner who is three years older than me for coming up to three years and weve been engaged for about a year and a half now. We have a great relationship very loving caring we never argue. We both work in logistics for separate companies him full time me part time. I realize one hundred percent babies aren't cheap and put a strain on relationships... we have discussed our life out the plan is to get married next year then move and do up our next house in three years he says he wan'ts children with me and always says comments like you'll be a great mummy when i baby our two pet cat's ( which i got as a small tester for strength of our relationship) he says he would like to have our first child on the way by the time he's 30 so seven years away.
all i think about is being pregnant i cant stop i have it all planned out in my head , what clothes ill buy , names , nursery layout , feeding , childcare i feel absolutely mental! All my friends and some relatives my age are currently pregnant in strained relationships and very little money or planning and im just so jealous it brings me to tears...
Its almost like i have to work for seven years to get what i want when they just get to sit on their bums and not work and get all i want in life?
Please help is there anyone else out there like me so i dont feel so mental!! I have no-one to talk to about this my mum is a career driven women who hate young unsupported mums and i give the front to everyone i want to wait till my late 20's but inside im dying to be pregnant!
Ive heard some women buy baby things and put them in boxes etc but im scared ill jinx something and take all the fun out of shopping when pregnant!
Contraception wise im on the pill and i have planned out my ovulation calander so we don't have sex when im fertile aswell...
Its like my brain tells me to wait but my heart and womb tell me otherwise...
hi hun welcome to the group.
your brain will always tell you to wait hun theres never a right time brain wise to have a baby cause it you look for it theres always a reason not to.
but no matter how hard you try you won't quieten your heart. if you wait till everything is perfect you will never have a baby.
have you told your dp how you feel?
i had my first at 21 btw
I agree. If you wait until timing is right, it may never happen. I think that if you have a stable job, a good place for your family to live, a great relationship and feel financially prepared then go for it. There are plenty of young Moms out there who do it.
I used to fantasize what it would be like to have a baby belly and get all the stuff together too. I think it's pretty normal.
I also think you should talk to your DF and let him know how you feel so that you don't feel so alone in your thoughts. See what he has to say. I wouldn't stress about the 7 years. Who knows where you will be next year. It could happen much sooner than you think.
Thanks me and my partner have talked about it he definitely wants children with me and if i did have an unplanned pregnancy that he would support me with that he's just mentioned that he wants to be married first and better of financially but we will hopefully be marrying next year and he will be getting a pay rise and a few finance payments will have been all payed off soon so we'll be debt free ( apart from our mortgage...) he knows i have strong maternal urges and he himself mentioned the idea of buying small baby things to ease the urges and putting them in a box ready for when we have children e.g baby booties or something...
He's never been around babies before and his younger sister who is my age is due in a few weeks both of our first niece/nephew im hoping the whole experience will warm him more to having children instead of putting him off haha! x
Does the buying small items help anyone? I'd love to know if thats maybe a technique i can use....
Maybe i can poor my maternal instincts on my new role as an auntie that may ease them... or increase them oh dear! haha x
I am 21 and just had my 4m/o in January. I have been married since I was 18. Its soo hard to balance being 21 and a mommy. I was just like you though, constantly thinking about having a baby. It actually happened when I wasnt thinking about it and actually was okay with not being a mom. It will happen. The timing has to be right.
Sounds like you owe it to yourself to have a serious and honest talk with him. Tell him that you understands he wants to wait a lot longer and respect that however you've been trying to hold in what you want and it's killing you. Tell him you don't want to wait that long and you're already really wanting to have a baby. Maybe there is a better middle ground you both can agree on. 7 years is a long time to wait if you're already dying to start trying now. I would also suggest giving him a few weeks after your talk for him to think about it and come around to the idea and grasp your feelings if he doesn't at first. My DH is the type that has to come around to things in his own time then one day he'll do a complete 180 to my favor.
I also wanted to add that DH and I have been together since we were 15, got married at 22 and had DS at 23. We had a strong relationship and even did a very long distance relationship for 4-5 years where we only saw eachother 1-2 days a month. It was very trying but we were great. But NOTHING could have prepared us for the huge strain having a child has put on our marriage. It's great, we love him, we'd never have it any other way, but it is very difficult with the constant work, no break, one will always contribute more than the other, sleep deprivation, etc. all that to say that only you will know when the right time is for you. But having a child is not easy and it will at one point or another add a very large stress factor in your relationship. You will both just have to learn how to compromise, communicate and function in a whole new way.