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Wish there was a "Indecision about Having Another Baby" Board!


Forum: Waiting to Try to Conceive

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  • 1 Post By Urchin

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  #1  
January 10th, 2013, 03:02 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
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Hi Everyone-

I've been a long time member of JM and have two great kiddos, a DS (5) and a DD (3). Over the past year, I've gone back and forth...back and forth....about having a third baby. I have PCOS and just recently stopped ovulating on my own. I'm pretty sure that I could conceive on Clomid, but that would take an affirmative act on my part (meaning, we could not just "wait and see what happens" like we are now). My husband would probably prefer to just stick with two, but is willing to try for another baby if I decide I really can't live without it.

I've visited the large family board....I've visited the Not Trying, Not Preventing board.....I'm honestly having the worst time finding others who are in my situation, so I thought I'd see if you could help? Are any of you waiting to conceive because you're not sure or have most of you decided to try to conceive and are just waiting for more idealic circumstances? Is there a place on JM where I'm more likely to find others in my situation? Some days I swear that there is nothing I want more than another baby and I can list 15 reasons why. Other days, look around and am particularly grateful for my amazing life and feel like I will be risking disrupting it beyond repair if I bring another baby into our family. I just don't know what to do. Any advice on how to make this decision?
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  #2  
January 11th, 2013, 06:50 AM
PaxtonsMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 1,741
I think you totally belong here! You're waiting because you're not sure! I desperately want another one but as I get back in shape and have so much fun with Pax, I'm like "oof...do I want to go through all that again!?" so yeah, I totally understand where you're coming from!!!
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  #3  
January 11th, 2013, 07:15 AM
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Thanks, PaxtonsMom. I don't know why this is so hard. With my first, I was excited and had no doubts because I knew we wanted a family. With my second, I had no hesitation because I was certain I wanted my son to have a sibling and that I wanted another baby. I have both a boy and a girl, they get along really well, and as much as I want a baby, there are some things giving me pause. For instance, the kids will have to share a room for a few years, we'll need to get bigger cars, and both me and my DH work full-time. I don't know how we will make sure we have enough time for everyone.... All of the moms I know IRL that have more than two kids are SAHMs. At the same time, I dream of having three grown children come home with their spouses and kids and just having this bustling house that is full of activity. I don't know. But I know if we're going to do it, it has to be soon....I'm getting ready to turn 36.
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  #4  
January 11th, 2013, 08:31 AM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Atlantic Canada
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You're totally in the right place!

I have waivered back and forth about having a second child since before I had my first... lol I often find myself 100% happy with just having one. Dh is the same...actually I think he kind of wants a second more than me!

It's such a hard, and big decision. I know we'll likely have a second...but part of me wants to stay where we are!
PaxtonsMom likes this.
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  #5  
January 11th, 2013, 10:09 AM
PaxtonsMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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omg YOU NAILED IT Urchin!
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  #6  
January 11th, 2013, 11:00 AM
sweety_pie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Canada
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I'm sort of back and forth on having a 3rd as well. Its not exactly the BEST time for us to have another, but I don't think there will ever be a perfect time. So I go back and forth on wanting one, and thinking I'm blessed with the 2 I have.
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  #7  
January 11th, 2013, 12:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweety_pie View Post
I'm sort of back and forth on having a 3rd as well. Its not exactly the BEST time for us to have another, but I don't think there will ever be a perfect time. So I go back and forth on wanting one, and thinking I'm blessed with the 2 I have.

Are you thinking that eventually it will be clearer as to whether you want the third or are you thinking that at some point you will just have to make a leap of faith? I think I could wait another 10 years and still not ever be sure. When I had my second baby, my DH and I were struggling a bit with our marriage (nothing major, just a lot of bickering) and now we're just both in such a good place. Both kids are potty trained....We get to sleep a little later in the mornings.....I just don't want to add more stress, thinking that we'll eventually adjust, and then find out that we aren't able to do it. I guess I'm just looking for a guarantee that if we have a third, it will all be okay.... And since we didn't get that with the first two, I'm not really holding my breath.....but it would be nice!
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  #8  
January 11th, 2013, 12:59 PM
irishblessing's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think you are in the right place! I'm in the same situation. I think I want a 3rd but I'm trying to make sure I really consider all the pros and cons. I've at this point decided to wait until my son is 2 and then I'll get more serious about it.
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  #9  
January 11th, 2013, 02:24 PM
Jessimaaka's Avatar Pink in a house of Blue
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Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 16,280
Welcome I know I want a 2nd, and unsure about a 3rd so I'll be in your place in a few years.
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  #10  
January 11th, 2013, 04:04 PM
jojo2bee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ha I didnt relize there was 2 posts of this one and replyed on the other lol
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  #11  
January 11th, 2013, 07:06 PM
sweety_pie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by babysam View Post
Are you thinking that eventually it will be clearer as to whether you want the third or are you thinking that at some point you will just have to make a leap of faith? I think I could wait another 10 years and still not ever be sure. When I had my second baby, my DH and I were struggling a bit with our marriage (nothing major, just a lot of bickering) and now we're just both in such a good place. Both kids are potty trained....We get to sleep a little later in the mornings.....I just don't want to add more stress, thinking that we'll eventually adjust, and then find out that we aren't able to do it. I guess I'm just looking for a guarantee that if we have a third, it will all be okay.... And since we didn't get that with the first two, I'm not really holding my breath.....but it would be nice!
Well I guess I've sort of just made a leap of faith, we kinda threw caution to the wind this cycle! I'm super nervous. lol This would be our 3rd time taking this leap (had a loss in aug and another in oct) it definitely doesn't get any easier, so hopefully it will happen when its meant to be! I know adding another now after being SO used to have older kids will be a big change, but I feel it in my heart that I really want that 3rd baby (even though I have doubts sometimes) and then be done!
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  #12  
January 12th, 2013, 11:23 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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I go back and forth A LOT.
I see the advantages of only having one of my own (I have two stepkids) it's easier to get out and do things, but on the other hand My daughter has no one to play with except during the summer when my stepkids are here.
We would also have to get a bigger place, get a bigger car, my husband is gone 2 weeks a month so in the summer I would have FOUR kids all by myself.
Money is what stopping us right now, if we have to make cuts concerning Audrey(like her playing sports or dancing or whatever she wants to do) then We don't want another child.
I go months where I have baby fever like crazy and want another baby RIGHT THEN... and I have times where I am totally content with only having one.
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  #13  
January 14th, 2013, 08:31 AM
Mama.Angie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hello and welcome. I think you're totally int he right place!

I've wavered too, especially on the timing, but like you said, I have this dream of adult children coming home, and the relationships they have with one another, and with me. It just feels right. Then there are the days where I think how easy things are with just my two, and how much they love one another and get along, and I worry throwing a third in there is going to offset the whole balance of things!
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  #14  
January 16th, 2013, 07:57 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Canada
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I wish I had seen this post sooner!! I just posted a new thread in the Mental Health board because I didn't know what to even search or where to look for this issue and I thought because I was feeling sad, I should post in Mental Health.
My post over there was kind of long and I don't want to repeat it all here but to sum up: I have a 9y.o. DD; had a terrible, high risk pregnancy; hubby and I decided to just have one but lately I've been so incredibly sad over not having a 2nd. I have a whole list of reasons to not have another one but as soon as I try to commit myself to the fact that I'll never be pregnant again my heart breaks. In all honesty, being pregnant kind of sucked for me (and I delivered at 32.5 weeks so I didn't even get to experience the whole thing) but some days... I really miss those baby kicks. That's a really amazing feeling and it's hard to say goodbye to that even 9 years later.
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