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  #1  
February 5th, 2013, 08:44 AM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 28
Hi!

I have a 17 month old from a different relationship. My husband and I have been pondering another child. He is 11 years older than me and is in favor of another child sooner rather than later. I want to wait until my toddler is 5 or so.

In your experiences what have the best kinds of spacing been between children?
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  #2  
February 5th, 2013, 09:43 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,769
depends on what you want, if you want them to be close, I've read a lot of research and heard from a lot of other moms, if the oldest is over age 4 when the baby is born kids tend not to be close with their siblings while they're growing up..
I have two stepchildren that are exactly 2 years apart and are best friends but do tend to fight a lot(which no matter the age I think you'll get) every child is different though.
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  #3  
February 5th, 2013, 11:45 AM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Atlantic Canada
Posts: 8,307
I have pondered this same question!

Originally, I wanted to space my kids further apart (like 4-5 years). I got a lot of flack about that, people telling me that my kids wouldn't be close, etc.

I don't think that the closeness has much to do with age though. I know people who are really close to siblings that are many years younger/older than them. Personally, I am not close at all with my brother who is only 2 years younger than me. We never got along.

I think it really has to do with your kids' personality..which is pretty much impossible to control or determine.

In the end, you need to do what works for both you and your husband.

In our case, we've decided to start TTC when my DD will be about 20-22 months old. Earlier than we planned, but it will just work out better for us in terms of our careers, etc.

Good luck, it's a hard decision!
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  #4  
February 5th, 2013, 12:43 PM
Jessimaaka's Avatar Pink in a house of Blue
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 16,278
Its a personal decision. That said, I am much closer to my sister who is 6 years younger than me than my sister who is 16 months younger than me. It will depend on their personalities.

Good luck!
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DS1: Cameron 8/12/2012
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  #5  
February 5th, 2013, 01:43 PM
Ali and Jillybeans mom :)
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hemlock, NY
Posts: 1,663
i have two daughters and my older one was 5.5 when i had my baby. i like the age gap. my older daughter helps out a lot, she loves having a little sister and helps with everything. i do want one more baby and my dh is 9 years older than me so i am putting the pressure on him. i want my next one by the time jill is maybe 2 to 3. i love the big gap but also dont want to be having another baby when DD1 is 11.
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  #6  
February 5th, 2013, 02:34 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 8
I've been thinking about this a lot too. Originally I didn't want kids too close in age for various reasons, but I've just had a change of heart. My DD is 14 months and I'm planning to start trying when she is 18 months. All I can say is to weigh different pros and cons based on what is important to you. FWW, my brother and I are 2 years apart and not very close. My best friend is 1 of 8 kids and they all seem closest with the siblings closest in age to them. My SIL has 4 kids, the oldest is 5 years older, then two girls 2 years apart and now a baby 6 years younger. She said it was really nice to have the two girls close together and that they were built in playmates. But the oldest is older enough that she is a big help. She also said it's hard now with the baby that is so much younger because the wants and needs are so different that its challenging to do things as a family. I'm only 28 now, but I want 2 more kids and would rather my body be on the younger side of things just so it can recover easier, but this is just more of a priority for me, everyone is different. Hope my ramblings helped a little
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  #7  
February 5th, 2013, 06:15 PM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 28
Thank you all for all your feedback. I am new, so thank you for taking the time. I thought GiddyUp had an especially good point- hard to do family outings with an older child if you also have a newborn with you- contrasting needs for sure!!

I have been getting feedback from family and friends that closer is better. But I have three brothers and the next oldest is 2 years younger than me. The youngest is 9 years younger than I am and I am closest to him by far. So, I don't know.

A little background- my son has two older half siblings by his bio dad (sperm donor really) by two different moms. His siblings are significantly older- his half brother is 13 and his half sister is 8. He sees them more or less regularly depending on his bio dad's relationships with their moms at any given time.

My thoughts on the issue are this:

Pros of a new baby in the next year-year and a half:

-Get the whole diaper phase over with all at once.
-Make husband happy- he won't be the "old dad".
-Have a built in playmate and sibling for R here, where he spends most of his time
-Sibling early on so he doesn't get spoiled as the "only" (he is currently the only grandchild on my side and my husband's)
-I will still be young and bounce back, be able to stay at home and care for them

Cons of new baby:
-Put my career on hold. (I just graduated and am looking for work in my field right now)
-Financial strain.
-This is selfish I know but I really only just got my body back from my son.
-Having a 2.5 year old and a newborn at once.
-Recovery time (I can only ever have c sections due to my son's tumultuous birth)

As for the financial strain, my husband makes great money, it's just I had a protracted custody battle for my son. We are still paying the $35k price tag off. Yikes.
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  #8  
February 5th, 2013, 10:59 PM
jojo2bee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 2,693
Ive been trying to figure out this one for myself as well! It really is a personal decision to. My hubby and I want at least 3 kiddos and we just had our first, I'm still trying to decide if I want them closer together or more spaced.

I undersand being more financial ready as well, we cant handle another one right now and our soon (within a few days hopefully) starting our hunt for a new house.

You just really need to weight the pros and cons and see what will work best for your family.
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  #9  
February 7th, 2013, 07:54 PM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 28
Thank you ladies. It is a very tough decision and I just don't know at this point. Hubby and I really want a girl for our first bio child together.
I can see both sides, and maybe it would be better to tough it out and get all the babyhood through at once.
Not to mention that my husband is 33 right now and isn't getting any younger. Being 21 I have the luxury of more time.
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  #10  
February 8th, 2013, 09:50 PM
irishblessing's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Posts: 15,602
It is a hard decision. At the moment I'm basing it off if I feel ready or not (I just don't) and the personality of my second child. Mine are almost exactly 3 years apart and I loved that spacing. My daughter was so well developed, able to do some things for herself, was potty trained, and had a really good understanding of the whole process of bringing her brother home. I feel like I got lots of time with just her and I as well. However, it took 15 months of TTC so that means we started when she had just turned 1. I felt SO guilty when I got pg right away. Ended up MC'ing that time though. I just needed more time with her and I am happy I got it. I do think I could have handled the first two closer together though.
Not with my son though, he needs more of me. He is pure energy, strong willed, likes to go out of your way to push your buttons. Plus he still doesn't sleep through the night! I wouldn't want to have another one now just based off his personality. I need to put the time into him he needs so he's got a good start on life. If I had a newborn right now he would honestly get away with murder and be a much more difficult child in the long run. He's such a sweet boy though <3.

It's hard to know! I've come down to it just being based on the last child's personality and how I'm feeling.
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  #11  
February 9th, 2013, 11:19 AM
MoMMy2*Vicky.Hayd.and.K*'s Avatar Expecting #4 :)
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Montreal, Qc, Canada
Posts: 4,895
My kids are 17.5 months apart and although at first it was rough I love the spacing now! DD is almost 2yrs2mo. And DS is 8 mo. we are contemplating a third and decided to have the serious discussion in May when Hayden will be turning 1 definitely giving a larger than before spacing.. But I like the 2yr mark either just before or just after.. Latest being 2.5yrs but that's just me.. I see it that although their close in age and the beginning isn't easy later on I feel my kids will be close growing up can't wait to be in that stage too but u gotta go with what feels right for u
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