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Fear


Forum: Waiting to Try to Conceive

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  #1  
February 13th, 2013, 07:39 AM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Atlantic Canada
Posts: 7,873
Oh Em Gee. I'm seriously a mess.

I just realized the last few weeks of my blog is pretty much me posting about how terrified I am about having a second child.

To sum it up, I am worried about:
-having troubles conceiving a second child.
-having the same complications with my second pregnancy as my first.
-managing my life if I do have complications. I spent a lot of time couch-ridden the first time around, I simply will not have that option this time around with Audrina.
-managing two kids
-managing my household with two kids (like how the HECK do I go out and about with two kids!?)
-managing our home business with two kids (I need to convince DH that keeping Audrina in daycare 2-3 times a week is a good idea).
-Enjoying #2 like I enjoyed Audrina. Things will just be so much more hectic with two little ones!
-Sharing time with Audrina and a new baby.
-Housing two children. We have a split entry-home with 2 bedrooms up and one down. I flat out refuse having the kids on different levels than us..So baby will have to room with us for the first year and then the kids will have to share a bedroom. I can see this causing all sorts of headaches.

Honestly, I know I am really blowing things out of proportion. I sometimes do that. When it comes down to it, I will be fine, but for now, I am worrying.

I just don't like the What-ifs. Especially since I didn't have ANY of these worries the first time around! All I worried about was going back to work after a year and how I was going to balance all of that..and it's much easier than I expected. SO I'm trying to tell myself that these worries will be the same.

On the upside, Audrina seems to really like babies. She doesn't have too much exposure to kids younger than her, but the few times she has seen a tiny baby, she's just stared like she's in love... and at the grocery store the other day, she saw a poster with a baby on it and said, "Baybee! Baybee!" She really seems to like children, so I am hoping she will feel this way when another little one comes into our family!

-End Rant-
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Last edited by Urchin; February 13th, 2013 at 07:55 AM.
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  #2  
February 13th, 2013, 08:22 AM
helios's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 184
So many of these things pop into my head all of the time, no matter how excited I feel about having another. I always try to tell myself not to worry about it until we actually start TTC but it is hard.

My biggest fears right now are:
-I won't be where I need to be with work in order to conceive any time soon, and I will have to wait another year
-Fitting a family of 4 into our tiny home.
-Not having enough money saved to take much of a maternity leave
-Managing with two (!!!) kids. I found the first year pretty tough.
-Dealing with another traumatic birth

As tough as everything sounds though, I think now that I have a bit of experience under my belt as a mom, all the challenges that come with a new baby will be a little easier than they were the first time around. I hope, anyways
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  #3  
February 13th, 2013, 08:59 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,769
I worry about those same things,
- taking care of TWO kids and sometimes FOUR kids
- How much harder getting out and doing things will be, right now, I take Audrey EVERYWHERE with me, we go out to eat, go have family days, this will be harder with more than 1 child.
- space.. right now we have three bedrooms and my stepkids share a room but they will soon want their own space , we plan to buy next year so we will need a 5 bedroom home!
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  #4  
February 13th, 2013, 01:34 PM
Ali and Jillybeans mom :)
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hemlock, NY
Posts: 1,630
i can understand your fears! right now we have 2. there is a 5.5 year age gap and i worried about my older daughter being jealous. we live in a 2 bedroom i didnt know where we were gonna put the baby. i was out of work 17 weeks from complications i worry that next time it will be worse and i might miss more work. i think everyone has these fears and it is normal. going from 1 to 2 i didnt really have to much to worry about but now that i want a 3rd i fear my body is gonna fight me. i have chronic pain that is acting up and i fear if i will be able to handle another pregnancy but i want a baby. the way i look at it is the pain will be worth it and when we have another baby we will make it work.
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  #5  
February 13th, 2013, 05:40 PM
Jessimaaka's Avatar Pink in a house of Blue
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 16,273
Things I fear

- Another traumatic labour and emergency c-section
- DH missing labour (without complications, my first would have been 7 hours from beginning to end, he routinely is up to 4 hours away for work any given day)
- Being couch bound and taking care of a toddler and newborn
- That we'll get pregnant on our first try again
- That we won't get pregnant right away because who's that lucky twice?
- That I won't lose the extra weight I'm carrying right now
- That if I go with a midwife they will want me to go natural (I loved my epi and it didn't slow down my labour and made it easier to transition to the c-section to get my distressed little boy out)

I could keep going, these are just the first ones that come to mind...
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DS1: Cameron 8/12/2012
DS2: Levi 3/30/2014
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  #6  
February 14th, 2013, 12:16 PM
PaxtonsMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 1,741
Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa.

Deep breaths!!!

Fear is so normal - I remember when I saw my positive pregnancy test, I freaked out and hid it in my office under a fleece. AND WE WERE TRYING.

Being responsible for another human being and them being so helpless is terrifying!!! I still am scared I am not good enough.
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  #7  
February 14th, 2013, 12:50 PM
irishblessing's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Posts: 15,589
I totally understand most of your fears! Try not to worry too much though, adding the second one was a great experience for all of us

My fears:

Mainly a 3rd c-section.
My families reaction as they really think 2 is ideal for kids
Having gestational diabetes again, which I know how to deal with but I kept it well under control last time with exercise/diet. This time it's a little harder to exercise with two kids.
My son's ability to deal with a sibling. He is high energy, all boy and can be very rough.
That I'll decide when I want to TTC and it will end up taking a long time (took 15 months with my son)
That it will be hard on our family, that my time will be spread too thin and DH and the kids won't get the attention they need.
DD will be in school so I guess just adjusting to a newborn and keeping up with driving her around and her school work etc.
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  #8  
February 16th, 2013, 06:40 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,295
Sometimes I'm terrified to TTC the first one. Our house is set up perfectly for one, but not two, though.

I'm mostly scared of the loss of freedom and how not to be so... I'm not sure. Self centred isn't the right word. But right now, in my life, if I have a headache, I can lie on the couch until it goes away. With a LO, that's not an option! Or if I want to go have dinner with friends, poof, off I go! But can't necessarily do that with baby.

I'm also scared of actively TTC, mc, complications, and doctors. Thankfully there is a midwifery clinic near me because the last thing I want near me while pregnant is a doctor! I don't think I have ever met one who I would even describe as competent, and I hate doctors and being near them!

/end rant

I think all fears are normal... And I think the only way to get over them is to face them one by one. *hugs* to you!
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  #9  
February 16th, 2013, 11:41 AM
MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 7,706
Fears are completely normal! My fears are that money is tight and we would need a vehicle that could hold 3 car seats. I start NP school in April and juggling pregnancy and the newborn phase will be tough. Trying to pump at work and during clinicals. Just make sure you let your SO know your fears so he can help support you and don't be afraid to ask for help! Hugs!
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  #10  
February 17th, 2013, 02:44 AM
jojo2bee's Avatar Matthew's Mommy!
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 2,386
Oh yes I get it!

Im scared about all the same stuff and am just trying to relax about it all but its hard to do!

We need a house before another can come, no ifs ands or buts about it!
I worried about haveing difficulty ttc
Having a rough pregnancy
Having another traumatic birth
I would want to be a sahm for a while so im worried about not being able to do so
Being able to enjoy my time with the new baby like I can with Matthew now
Getting anything done!
Getting a new car so I fit 2 kids into it (I have a bug now)
Plus more!

Im just trying to take it all 1 day at a time and go from there! For now anyways lol
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