[HalesComet10]

So I have been dating this guy for awhile now and we are very serious about our relationship. We are actually getting ready to move in together next week and I'm very excited to take this first step toward our new life together. But very recently, the topic of kids has come up. I have always wanted to have a baby, but my biggest fear has always been just being pregnant. I have a huge phobia of getting sick as well, which I haven't done since I was a very young girl, and the times my body did try to get sick, I had a panic attack and was rushed to the hospital, which has been twice now. I'm not in the right mind frame when it comes to telling myself that once the pregnancy is over, I will be so grateful to have my own child. I just keep thinking that it sounds absolutely miserable having to go through all of that for 9 months straight. On top of that, he is 5 years older than me and has made it very clear that he doesn't want to be too old when we have our first kid (if we do together). I always wanted to wait until I was closer to 30 to even think about kids, but I have compromised with him to start discussing it once I turn 25. I just was hoping someone out there can help me out and maybe help me get past this fear. It is something that I worry could stop me from having kids. But like I said, I really do want kids, and especially one of my own. I'm just so stressed and lost and I don't know what to do. Help please?

Haley

[Mod-Urchin]

Hi there. You won't necessarily be sick for 9 months straight. Most are for about 12 weeks. If you're lucky, you may not get morning sickness at all!

Have you considered any type of counseling for this fear? You might really benefit by learning some coping mechanisms.

In terms of your age, do not let anyone bully or coerce you into having kids before you are ready. It would be good if you can both reach a compromise. Rather than focusing on age, you should try to focus on when you're both financially and mentally ready to start a family.

Starting a family is a very stressful process for most people. There are so many unknowns. It's understandable that you have these fears. Parenthood is something that will cause you to have even more stress and worry. I myself have had to learn to deal with all of the unknowns and worries through pregnancy and becoming a parent.

As I mentioned above, counseling or learning coping skills for your anxiety will really help you through pregnancy and parenthood.

We're here if you need to talk, vent, or ask any questions!

[HalesComet10]

I guess just the thought of being sick for possibly 12 weeks sounds absolutely miserable to me. I'm so scared to have to go through that.

I actually was thinking about looking for counseling once I move out to Colorado next week. I think it would really benefit me, and I've also had issues with anxiety and panic attacks so maybe counseling would truly help.

Thank you so incredibly much for offering your advice and comfort. I truly appreciate it and it does help being able to talk to women who have gone through pregnancies and I think it would help talking more about it with people so I can get comfortable. Again, thank you so much for your help. I will definitely keep in touch, you've helped me a lot!

[Mod-Urchin]

Being sick for 12 weeks is awful, there is no denying that. No woman will tell you it's easy..but you will get through it (if you even get sick at all!) I was lucky and didn't have much for nausea or vomiting..so maybe you'll be that lucky too?

I am so glad that you've found help with us here Feel free to stick around or stop by at any time with any other questions you might have!

[sara1217]

I only got sick once each time I was pregnant. I hate throwing up and my body fights it really bad but I was lucky to never get sick.

[fairymommy]

definitely keep in mind some people don't get sick at all! I think it is great that you are so honest about it, especially in the faces of people telling "it'll be so worth it in the end".....um..duh. I think you know that. I think Urchins idea of seeking out counselling is a great idea that could end up benefiting you hugely!
keep us posted and of course...take your time in all the planning and don't rush anything!!

[MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy]

Ditto to seeking counseling. I hope you are lucky and don't get sick. I never did. I'm weird and wanted m/s do that I would be reassured that the baby was healthy. The lack of symptoms stressed me out lol. Good luck to you!

[HalesComet10]

Thank you all so much for your support and advice. It truly helps me feel better and I hope when the day comes that I decide I'm ready to be pregnant that I won't suffer too much from the sickness. Do any of you use meds whenever you start feeling sick??

[Orangebrittainy]

A friend of mine just adopted through the Foster system... Is that an option for the two of you. She too didn't want to be pregnant.

[Jessimaaka]

I was also one of the lucky ones to not get sick at all! There are meds that can be prescribed as well, my friend is 19 weeks pregnant and still on Diclectin (spelling?), and she is only sick when she forgets to take it. I can't speak from experience, but it can be manageable, and the idea of counselling is also a huge help!

[melaniek85]

I had really bad all day sickness during my pregnancy, mostly nausea. I was from week 6-9, so not too long. I'm not going to lie. it was miserable and I stayed in bed whenever I didn't have to work. There are meds, sea bands and foods/teas you can use to help with nausea, if you would have it. Those weeks felt like the worst thing ever and I swore I'd never get pregnant again, but then I felt better and pregnancy became the greatest thing ever to me and now I can not wait to be pregnant again. All you can do, if you were to have sickness, take it one day at a time, try different methods to help nausea and remind yourself that being sick probably means the baby is doing ok in there.

[rheaimedved]

I felt constantly nauseated from weeks 5 to 11, and I never actually threw up. I never took any medication for it, but I discovered that ginger ale was a magical elixir that worked for about 3 hours. Some women get no pregnancy sickness, some experience it their entire pregnancy. But most do not But, frankly, it sounds a little soon to be worrying too much about hypothetical concerns regarding pregnancy.

I second the advice of counseling, especially if having children of your own is important, but terrifying, to you. Do you have other fears regarding pregnancy, or is it primarily the nausea? Remember, there's a big difference between thinking about pregnancy and actually being pregnant, so it might be best not to over think it. I'd also recommend couples counseling in the event that you get to a point in your relationship where he's pushing for kids and you don't feel ready.

I've been telling myself for years that I want children; now that I'm pregnant, I'm in a constant state of shock and disbelief (I'm 8 months, by the way). The idea of it didn't start to scare me until I was in a position to be pregnant (i.e. married and discussing children).

It's good to discuss these things before taking big steps in a relationship, to be sure you're basically on the same page, but that doesn't mean you need to start fretting over the details of it. 5 years is NOT a big age difference (my husband is 14 years older than me), and 35 is by no means considered old for a man to be having children. You have plenty of time to think about and digest this, and you are in control of when this actually happens to you. Don't forget that