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Such inner turmoil....


Forum: Waiting to Try to Conceive

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  #1  
October 17th, 2013, 07:06 AM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Atlantic Canada
Posts: 7,926
Most of those here who know me at all, know that I am one of the few WTTC members who mostly isn't waiting in anticipation to start TTC.

I am having such a battle within myself about whether or not I want another child. DH most definitely does (and he's been getting antsy). I am just so content with life how it is. I can successfully balance having a 2 year old, working full time + helping DH with his business, having somewhat of a social life, and generally feeling like I have *some* me time. I have time to cook, to exercise, to relax at the end of the day.

Not only that, but I've gotten in really good shape over the last couple of months, and I am REALLY enjoying how I look and feel.

I try to look at the grand scheme of things, and whether or not I want a second child. If I would feel happy & fulfilled with just one child. I feel like I would be. Things are getting easier and easier with DD every day, and I like it.

I'm scared about having my same pregnancy issues again, and feel like I'm tempting fate. Both DD and I came out ok in the end, but I am so scared that future pregnancies may not result the same.

I'm scared that I won't be able to balance another kid in my life. I feel like everything is "just right" and I don't want to mess that up.

I don't have the same uncontrollable baby-fever this time around.

Agh.. I don't know what to do Have any of you felt this way???
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Last edited by Urchin; October 17th, 2013 at 07:28 AM.
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  #2  
October 17th, 2013, 08:08 AM
Forget Me Not's Avatar Four Boys and a girl!
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: The Deep Woods USA
Posts: 687
Thats how i feel this time. I have four boys. And after my fourth i knew i would absolutely be just fine not having any more. Im content im happy. My youngest is sleeping through the night, Hes not potty trained but its ok. We are moving, im business is taking off so i need lots of time to work.
But then i get this occasional nagging dissapointment that i dont have a daughter to share my interests with, none of my sons are interested in any of my hobbies, they are all like their dad. Sure there is time for them to develop, but its a bummer. And i do feel like i miss out on the girly aspect.
Those feelings usually hit when 3/4 are in school and the toddler is being good. Then the evening hits when im on my own with all 4. My stress level rises, my kids are tired and grouchy, Dinner is never done fast enough. Ect.
And i realize im at my limit right now.
Of course... that is right now, before im about to move to a house in the woods on acreage. (vs a small condo with nearly no yard and some really nasty neighborhood kids)
So yeah, i totally get your feelings about this. For me, I tell myself its best to wait till things are more settled. When my husband asked me if we wanted to try this month, i had a moment of panic and i knew that its just a bad idea right now. Those feelings would likely lead to some like my last pregnancy, lots of depression to go with everything else.
Anyway, sorry for my book
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  #3  
October 17th, 2013, 08:31 AM
Irish_Wristwatch's Avatar Running with Scissors....
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
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maybe you are done? its ok not to want more! I know you say that you are happy and fulfilled with one child, and thats awesome, but do you think you would be happy and fulfilled if you had a second? i know youd never resent another child but if you dont think youd be as happy as you are with just Audrina then maybe you should say done, atleast for now. Maybe when Audrina is older and in school full time you will feel differently and more open to another since she would be much more independent then

Have you talked to Dh about just having 1?
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  #4  
October 17th, 2013, 10:09 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: NE Arkansas
Posts: 1,278
This me also. Dh and I are both very torn. I had some very severe post csection problems. Then we lost my sister in law after a csection. I realized last week that I still have some major anxiety surrounding pregnacy/birth. I was thinking the very earliest being just for Sept/Oct 2014, but realistically more like Feb.Mar 2015. Now I am thinking more like Sept/Oct 2016. Just depends on how things play out.

Nothing wrong with waiting longer.
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  #5  
October 17th, 2013, 10:26 AM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irish_Wristwatch View Post
maybe you are done? its ok not to want more! I know you say that you are happy and fulfilled with one child, and thats awesome, but do you think you would be happy and fulfilled if you had a second? i know youd never resent another child but if you dont think youd be as happy as you are with just Audrina then maybe you should say done, atleast for now. Maybe when Audrina is older and in school full time you will feel differently and more open to another since she would be much more independent then

Have you talked to Dh about just having 1?
Thanks! Right now, the only reason I am toying with the idea of more kids is DH. I am so happy just with my little girl. DH really seems to be wanting a second.

I have talked to DH and he does sympathize. He knows how scary my pregnancy was....and even he had thought maybe just one kid was enough. I need to sit him down and have a more serious conversation about this I think...

...and I know I would never resent or necessarily regret another child. Part of me kind of would like another child, and I know DD would LOVE a sibling, but I'm not ready now, and don't know if I will ever be ready. I just don't feel like I NEED to have another. I'm content.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyBeth View Post
This me also. Dh and I are both very torn. I had some very severe post csection problems. Then we lost my sister in law after a csection. I realized last week that I still have some major anxiety surrounding pregnacy/birth. I was thinking the very earliest being just for Sept/Oct 2014, but realistically more like Feb.Mar 2015. Now I am thinking more like Sept/Oct 2016. Just depends on how things play out.

Nothing wrong with waiting longer.
Gosh, I am sorry you lost your SIL and also had your own c-section complications. I can completely understand how that would make you reluctant to have more kids.

There is a chance I may not have the same issues with my next pregnancy that I had with my first, but just thinking of it being a possibility is scary! I keep telling DH that I feel selfish for even considering taking that "risk" again, especially since we have DD now. It doesn't feel fair to her for me to risk my health if I don't have to.

I loved every moment of my pregnancy, despite my complications, but I also have a lot of anxiety about going through it again.
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Last edited by Urchin; October 17th, 2013 at 10:30 AM.
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  #6  
October 17th, 2013, 08:07 PM
oceanwaves's Avatar WTTC
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Some people are good with one kid. My folks were and I am sure I will be too. You have time to change your mind later on about #2. Good luck with your decision.
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  #7  
October 17th, 2013, 10:07 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
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I haven't had a minute to read the replies, but I was just going to say real quick that I was real nervous after Oliver about the potential of preterm labor and all the issues I had with him repeating. I don't know what was up with your PG, but I did not have preterm labor issues like I did with Oliver. I had SOME preterm contractions, but only once and only for a few hours. I wasn't even on meds! I also never had the heart problems I had with Oliver. I even declined and insisted I didn't need to see the cardiologist cause I felt great! I did have a lot of bleeding which cause me anxiety, but for the most part, I was able to keep the PG under wraps from almost everyone for 23 weeks.

Not sure if you had preE, but PreE is more common with the first pregnancy then the second or later, even though it can still happen again, it doesn't mean it will. Anyway, good luck! It took me at least a year to want to TTC again after my crappy pregnancy and extended bedrest with Oliver.
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  #8  
October 18th, 2013, 05:02 AM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by THE angry uterus View Post
I haven't had a minute to read the replies, but I was just going to say real quick that I was real nervous after Oliver about the potential of preterm labor and all the issues I had with him repeating. I don't know what was up with your PG, but I did not have preterm labor issues like I did with Oliver. I had SOME preterm contractions, but only once and only for a few hours. I wasn't even on meds! I also never had the heart problems I had with Oliver. I even declined and insisted I didn't need to see the cardiologist cause I felt great! I did have a lot of bleeding which cause me anxiety, but for the most part, I was able to keep the PG under wraps from almost everyone for 23 weeks.

Not sure if you had preE, but PreE is more common with the first pregnancy then the second or later, even though it can still happen again, it doesn't mean it will. Anyway, good luck! It took me at least a year to want to TTC again after my crappy pregnancy and extended bedrest with Oliver.
Thank you for sharing your experience.

I had hydronephrosis with my pregnancy. It is pretty uncommon. Basically my uterus was pressing so much on my right ureter, that my kidney couldn't drain. This started around 22 weeks. So basically my right kidney was unable to drain. I had stents put in and replaced about 3-4 times during my pregnancy, and it was so overwhelming at times to have so many surgical procedures while pregnant.
I was lucky that I did not have permanent kidney damage, and my urologist said it's very difficult to know if it will happen again.

I just felt very helpless. I was unable to work or do much other than be on the sofa for the last 3 months of my pregnancy. I can't imagine feeling that way with a little one to take care of on top of it!
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  #9  
October 18th, 2013, 09:38 AM
Forget Me Not's Avatar Four Boys and a girl!
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Is it the kind of thing that is likely to happen again? Is it the shape of your uterus that did it?
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  #10  
October 18th, 2013, 10:24 AM
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I used to work antepartume and I saw and heard of that actually happening at lot. I think it happens more then people realize. Anyway, I don't blame you for not wanting to do that again! I personally do NOT like getting/being PG. I'd rather just go strait to the baby.
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  #11  
October 18th, 2013, 10:36 AM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sleeping.Serenity View Post
Is it the kind of thing that is likely to happen again? Is it the shape of your uterus that did it?
None of my doctors could say whether or not it will happen again. It could have been where baby implanted, or just bad luck. We don't really know. There's a chance it could happen, or I could have a normal pregnancy next time.

The uncertainty of it drives me bonkers though! lol
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  #12  
October 18th, 2013, 10:42 AM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by THE angry uterus View Post
I used to work antepartume and I saw and heard of that actually happening at lot. I think it happens more then people realize. Anyway, I don't blame you for not wanting to do that again! I personally do NOT like getting/being PG. I'd rather just go strait to the baby.
Really? I know that basically all pregnant women do have some sort of hydronephrosis during pregnancy, but it never becomes a problem. Most have no idea they have it.

Mine was just so severe that my kidney could not drain at all, requiring stents and surgeries and all that fun stuff. I've never known anyone else around me to have it! There was one lady in my DDC that also had it, and her kidney never went back to normal afterwards..so it was pretty scary.

My doctors were all kind of new to my experience as well I think. I don't think they've really seen it before my case.
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Last edited by Urchin; October 18th, 2013 at 10:46 AM.
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  #13  
October 18th, 2013, 02:43 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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I wonder if you can do any exercises to help them drain? Like getting on your hands and knees to take the pressure off your ureters and increase blood flow. Did you work with a chiropractor at all during it? (I know you used to go to one) A chiro might help with the issues too and might be able to give you suggestions. I would personally try to make a mattress out of pillows so you could lay on your belly and relieve pressure off the ureters.

I think I might have had something like that with Oliver too, but never thought about it until now. I had CRAZY nocturia (where you have to get up to pee more at night then during the day). Could have been from swelling but this makes sense too. Laying down getting the pressure off them and being able to drain my kidneys! Good thing I only work 3 days a week so I can and do lay down when needed during the day!
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  #14  
October 18th, 2013, 04:41 PM
Ali and Jillybeans mom :)
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I know how you feel. After DD1 I did not want another at all! After about three years I did change my mind but I definitely know that feeling.
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