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...dealing with the Mommy Wars! Had to delete yet another "friend" today who posted that SAHMs should be put on a pedestal because only they are misunderstood (no, both working moms and SAHM get a ton of crap - you are screwed no matter what you decide IMHO), and while she was "not judging" working moms, she could *never* leave her kids with strangers who might not have the same morals and those daycare kids might teach her kids unruly behavior and anyone honestly could stay home if they budgeted their money correctly. How is that not judging? Have had to delete people lately for stating that not breastfeeding is tantamount to child abuse and a woman who had to have an emergency C-Section during her natural birth meant she did not read the materials properly and stated exactly how she "failed"...btw, she and her baby were about to die.
What happened to the attitude of do what works for *your* family? When did it become "this worked for *my family* so it is the only right way"? What happened to "judge not lest ye be judged"? Or how about simply MYOB?
How do you deal with people who question your parenting choices?
I think that if youre really confident in what youre doing that stuff doesn't really get to you. I breastfeed, the ones who think I shouldn't, I think are silly. Im a sahm, I don't get any guff for it but if I did, most of my education is child psychology so I could knock down anything they say anyway. I have had people say some silly things especially about breastfeeding. I don't really get irritated enough to delete them but it usually clues me in not to listen. Everyone does have solid beliefs on whats best for children. Gently stating it or guiding those who seek guidance is great. Putting down people who have other ways isn't cool in theory. But Im good at ignoring those people LOL
I am mostly nonplussed by it. I stand behind my decisions and don't need external validation to feel confident in my parenting choices. But that is on a personal level. My beef comes with people thinking they can make blanket statements about an entire group of people (ie: SAHMs, baby boys, people with red hair, etc). Everyone is so dynamic. You can't lump people together and say CXZ about "them." And besides that, some people DO need external validation (I did with my first, as do most new moms, if nothing else than checking their feelings are normal). And it's sad to entrap them under judgements and foist unwanted opinions on them.
And it's just bit*hy! Lol.
I think we are pretty deeply entrenched in "people" wars. It sucks.
None of my friends are like that. I don't tolerate any sort of stupid drama though and so I delete it don't friend them. My friends mostly bf and those who don't don't bash and those who do don't post pictures of them doing so for all to see. Those who do bf though often post educational info about bfing which I think often gets ignored. I get annoyed with the car seat nazis myself. Or anyone who is rude to anyone. If a picture is of a baby in a car seat and not secured correctly, you don't know if they were securing then took the pic and finishes or what. And in the uk they don't even have the chest clip so back off! Sorry lol.
Wow! I would say compltely ignore them! you know whats right for your family, no one knows your family better than you do.
Also, everyone has their opinion, just because they feel something is right for them, doesnt mean its for everyone or that every other way is wrong or not as good. People need to learn how to keep their opinions to themselves or learn how to discuss/share them properly with out offending anybody or give off that "righteous" vibe.
I have a really hard time dealing with people like that, because I wasn't able to BF, and I'm not able to be a SAHM. It's not my choice to work, and not be able to spend my days with my sweet girl. I had an emergency C-Section, when my cervix/uterus decided not work.
I try so hard to ignore them, brush it off, but sometimes I can't. Especially when it's my SIL telling me that I didn't do it right.
Maggie wasn't gaining weight at all when I was BF'ing (which we later realized was due to her tongue-tie) and when I switched, SIL acted like I was the worst person in the world. I still hurt over that.
I hate mommy wars, and wish everyone would keep their opinions to theirselves, but they don't, so oh well..
Thanks ladies. I just worry as I am going to be a first time mom and I fear getting the whole attitude of since they have done it already, that makes them right and me wrong. I am not the most self confident woman.
Thankfully I haven't really had to deal with that. DH's family has said things like that we don't need anymore kids and that they hoped DS2 was a girl (this was when I was pregnant) so we could be done and when I stopped pumping for DS2 and DH said to his aunt something about it just mentioning that we were going to formula now she said that she really didn't think breastfeeding was better anyways and they all (his aunt, cousins and sister) act like breastfeeding is gross or something. I'm fine with whichever someone wants to do. I do think breast is best and hope that I can BF atleast one of my children, not only for the benefits but I loved breastfeeding DS2 the few times we were able to (didn't work out for the other 2) but I am not against formula either, obviously lol.
Anywho, even though those things are annoying, I'm glad they aren't like the things you have had to listen/see! I have gotten good at ignoring people lol.
It can be really hard as a FTM, when it's nice to get some supportive and accurate advice from BTDT moms and feel the solidarity!
Try to surround yourself by those who really truly have their hearts in a good place, try not to take things personally or as if they ARE trying to war with you (I try to let it roll off my back because of course everyone thinks that their way is right...), but in the end KNOW that you have maternal instincts for a reason and with the hard stuff, information is so easy to obtain these days for things that you need a bit more info on! Trust your gut and your heart! Ignore the crap and carry on! You don't owe anyone an explanation for how you raise your babies... it's ludicrous to think that ANY mother would not be trying to do what's best for their little ones! <3
"...all good things are wild and free."
eli grey [9.15.10]
jude lawrence [11.9.12]
forever loving our best girl, finley [born still 10.30.11]