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Beck


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
April 6th, 2009, 06:15 AM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: belfast, northern ireland
Posts: 1,563
OMG I am so so sorry. I just noticed the bit about your loss on your siggy. As said I can still hardly discuss that time for us, that is the one really good thing about knowing we wont try for anymore, we wont go through that again.
I wish i could some how reach and hug you, and find some way of easing the pain, which I know there is not.
I hope and pray next will go better for you.
Dont feel like you need to answer this post, just know we are thinking of you.
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  #2  
April 6th, 2009, 09:26 AM
blondie-lox's Avatar Do NOT feed the Troll
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Location: ON, Canada
Posts: 16,621
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Huge thanks to *Kiliki* for the FANTABULOUS new siggy!!
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  #3  
April 6th, 2009, 11:38 AM
MommaNator's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,773
(((hugs)))
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Thanks Julie_aka_Mommy!


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  #4  
April 6th, 2009, 02:21 PM
(.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.)
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Broxi ~ You have no idea how much this thread can pick up a person's spirits. From the bottom of my heart ~ thank you for being so kind and thoughtful.

Cheers,

Michelle
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  #5  
April 6th, 2009, 03:22 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 26,402


I'm so sorry Beckie
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Andrea, mom to 3 beautiful girls - Abigail (8) Annabelle (6) and Alexis (3)

Expecting baby #4 in April - It's a BOY!


Two Little Monkies on Etsy
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  #6  
April 7th, 2009, 12:51 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Broxi - Thank you so much for the love. I truly do appreciate it & Michelle was speaking from my heart to you. I spoke with her earlier & told her how much it had meant to me. I just wasn't ready to respond to this before now I guess. I am probably going to write a novel now (I can feel it coming ) so bear with me.

I am sure you understand in a way not everyone does what this is like.

My journey to motherhood has been so much different than I had ever imagined it could or would be. When I started off I was naive enough to believe that getting pg would likely be the hard part. Turns out I couldn't have been more wrong. Getting pg seems to be the only easy thing for me. It figures.

I can't say I am sorry for any of it though. At times I have been, but that is long ago now. I see the beauty in all of it now - even the times when my heart is breaking. It has changed me in ways I didn't think I could change & opened up parts of me I didn't know were there. I can see how it is possible to gain wisdom & compassion from this and use it to perhaps ease another person's pain.... I have read & research & studied enough to be a great source of info to those that desperate seek answers (I actually don't know what I would do if my computer crashed - as I store a lot of great info with bookmarks).

I have however come to a place where I can truly say that I really embrace this path I am on. I think it has made all the difference in the world in my physical, emotional, mental & spiritual well-being. My last loss before Jonah was so healing for me in ways i couldn't ahve imagined. I had to wait nearly 4 weeks for my mc to start & I was seeing a Dr that I left over this...and he was pressuring me to have a D&C for non-valid reasons. I took that time to come to peace with saying goodbye to that LO & in prepping myself for that eventuality. I also made a point to enjoy each day we had left & to love that baby fully - regardless of expected outcome. And in that time, I found I had finally quit fighting it all & accepted my lack of control...and accepted that love for your child is a beautiful & valid thing whether you ever get to hold that child or not...whether that child has a prayer of making it through or not...no matter what. So in that somehow I am freed. I can love this angel & not try to hold on to this angel all at the same time. It wont' change anything anyway. Jonah didn't stay because I held on for dear life...he stayed because that is what was meant to be. I am eternally grateful that it was part of the plan of my life to have him....but I also had no say so in that...there was nothing I did that made that happen. And in this too - I didn't cause this baby to leave....it was just the way it was going to be & with the dx we have received (a chromosomal abnormality) those things are determined at conception....I can't fix it. Before cells even start dividing, the destiny of each of my LO's is already determined...and so I am just along for the ride to see where it takes us. I know in my heart that if I can stay the course & be thankful for the time I do get with each of them - eventually I will get another baby to bring home. Until that happens, I just try to enjoy each pg & each little soul for the time I get to spend with them & I remain hopeful that every pg is a chance that maybe this time is the time I get another chance for a healthy baby.

I am doing alright. I am having a lot of physical discomfort right now, but that also seems to be better than it used to be. I think having a better emotional & spiritual state has helped my physical pain to be more tolerable. I also have taken some Ibuprofen & use a heating pad which also helps immensely. And I cannot discount for one moment how much being able to hold Ds helps. I haven't been up to nursing quite as often as he would probably like, but when I do feel good enough to hold him & nurse I find a lot of comfort in being able to cuddle him & focus on the blessings I have every moment we are together. There was a time in my life I never thought I would have a child to cuddle much less the true hope of having another.
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #7  
April 7th, 2009, 02:11 AM
kerian's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: South Africa
Posts: 33,718
((((((((((hugs)))))))))) i am so very sorry for your loss!!
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  #8  
April 7th, 2009, 05:18 AM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 39,051
Beckie, I'm so very sorry that you've experienced another loss. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. You are such an amazingly strong woman. Jonah and all of your Angels are lucky to have you as their mother. I hope that one day you will get to hold another baby of your own in your arms.
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  #9  
April 7th, 2009, 05:24 AM
~Jackie
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***HUGS*** I'm so sorry...
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  #10  
April 7th, 2009, 12:27 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 904
Beck. I love love love your peace and perspective. Jonah is such a little blessing and you are a wonderful Mom to your babies.

Thank you for sharing with us,really we are all lucky to have you.

Big hugs!!!!
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  #11  
April 7th, 2009, 12:53 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Thank you all so much for the love & support. It really is such a blessing to belong to such a great group of ladies!
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B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #12  
April 7th, 2009, 04:35 PM
KatiesGirls
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Posts: n/a
Oh Beck. My prayers are with you!!!!
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