Log In Sign Up

Self-Soothe?


Forum: Attachment Parenting

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Attachment Parenting LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
April 6th, 2009, 12:02 PM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 79
My son is 9 1/2 months old now, and my husband seems to be losing patience with his sleep patterns. I keep telling him that our son will learn to sleep, but we've had no improvements, and all his coworkers keep telling that crying it out is the way to go (which is _not_ an option).

My son wakes every hour or two over night, and currently is only soothed back to sleep by the breast (we bedshare). During the day, he can sleep from 25-45 minutes in his crib on his own, and then needs to be rocked to sleep (and then stays on us for the remainder of his nap). After he is put down at night, he wakes 3-6 times between 7-8:30. I go to bed at 8:30 and take him with me. And yes, we've tried everything (routine, white noise, Pantley, patting, jiggling, motion bed, etc., etc.).

What's your experience? Do they learn to "self-soothe"? Do they ever learn to sleep?? What can I tell my husband about a time frame?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
April 6th, 2009, 12:52 PM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: belfast, northern ireland
Posts: 1,563
Congratulations on going with your heart, not dh's co workers. My Billy was very much like your baby. DH did end up suggesting just leaving him the cot as his friends did until we went over for a party once. The child screamed hysterically for hours. CIO doesnt always work either.
I dont really believe in self soothing but others may feel differently and I am only judging by my own family. And unfortunatley i can not give you a time frame either because every child is different, but I do find as activity increases, crawling walking running about, sleep improves.
I also think the summer months make settling into a sleep pattern eaisier because i do believ natural daylight helps, but all you are getting is personal opinion. Hopefully someone else can help more.
But I do hope you stay around anyway
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #3  
April 6th, 2009, 01:52 PM
0110011001101100011101010
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Finland
Posts: 4,481
I have read that by 2 years most babies are sleeping through the night. You might want to check out a book called 'the no cry sleep solution'. It deals extensively with night wakings.
__________________







Hvor er toalettet?
Skal vi danse?
Gratulerer med fødselsdagen
Luftputefartøyet mitt er fullt av ål
Ett språk er aldri nok
Reply With Quote
  #4  
April 6th, 2009, 02:28 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I am sorry your Dh is putting pressure on you. You LO sounds actually quite normal. Waking 3-6 times a night at that age is not unheard of. It is how my LO was too. As far as when you can expect a child to not wake you anymore..that depends on the child. Babies don't truly start sleeping through the night, they just stop waking you every time they wake really.....so it depends a lot on their needs & personality. Some do this very early on, some take a while. Sometimes it changes. My Ds would go through bouts of not waking me & then go back to waking me often, whether because of teething or for a short time he seemed to be having bad dreams....it's hard to say. I can tell you we still bedshare now & it is typical that he doesn't wake me even once week at this point.

I think (personally) that this whole thing is easier when you quit trying to get them to do something they aren't ready to do. I can virtually say that 90% of my motherhood stress has been entirely related to when I was trying to fit a round peg into a square hole...meaning whether I was trying to go against my nature to do something that didn't feel right or when I was still thinking Ds would sleep better if I did something different, etc. Every time I gave up on ideas & expectations & just rolled with the flow of who my lil guy is, I reaped the benefits of seeing a happier momma & baby. I guess my best advice is to ask Dh to read up a bit more normal infant sleep patterns....any time my dh has tried to influence a parenting decision I am always open to his thoughts & feelings as long as he bases them in reality & evidence......or can perhaps make a logical argument (although I have not sen that outside of reality & evidence personally).... I tell him that if he takes it seriously enough that he wants me to take action then he has to take it seriously enough to be willing to look into it & explain to me the benefit as well as ANY potential risks or downsides....after that - I am all ears!
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet





Last edited by beck12; April 6th, 2009 at 09:52 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
April 6th, 2009, 02:40 PM
(.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.)
Guest
Posts: n/a
Great support everyone! (Becky ~ fantastic!)

To the OP, I just want to agree with others. You know, so many people will tell you and your dh to CIO but the result isn't any better. One day I hope all parents will just realize it's OK not to sleep through the night and it's wrong to put that expectation on ALL children. The research on CIO, sleep patterns and infant growth all suggest your LO is normal. Just reach out here from time to time when you need a shoulder.

((hugs))

MIchelle
Reply With Quote
  #6  
April 6th, 2009, 04:42 PM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 79
I sighed a big sigh after reading your replies. Thank you so much. It can be difficult some days when you feel like no one understands. I'm glad I posted! I'll remind my hubby why we decided to parent our son this way.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
April 6th, 2009, 05:18 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,211
I agree with Becky!!! My LO is only 5 months, and I would try different things just to get at least 6hrs of sleep...it never worked. When I actually went to bed not expecting anything is when my son surprised me with 6 consecutive hours of sleep!!!!

So, since that night...I have no expectations. And I am much happier!!

Oh - and keep in mind during major milestone points our LO's wake more often. It is like they have so much on their mind they can't stay asleep. Your LO may be trying to walk!
__________________

Mama to my little men Brendan and PJ

Brendan Collin 11/03/08
Peyton James 07/11/11
Reply With Quote
  #8  
April 6th, 2009, 05:56 PM
Martina's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 2,302
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fluga View Post
I have read that by 2 years most babies are sleeping through the night. You might want to check out a book called 'the no cry sleep solution'. It deals extensively with night wakings.
I was going to say about 2 years of age they sleep pretty good, at 3 my youngest sleeps through everything!!!!
__________________
***MARTINA*** Mom to Kayla 10/00; Kiarra 10/01; Kameron 06/03; Kassidy 08/05; Karissa 07/09.

Reply With Quote
  #9  
April 6th, 2009, 06:00 PM
Deb's Avatar
Deb Deb is offline
I'd rather be in Forks
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,919
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martina View Post
I was going to say about 2 years of age they sleep pretty good, at 3 my youngest sleeps through everything!!!!
Yeah, at about 2, Matthew finally started sleeping through the night. Then he got sick and it's been one thing after another and we're back to waking every couple of hours.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #10  
April 6th, 2009, 09:51 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deb View Post
Yeah, at about 2, Matthew finally started sleeping through the night. Then he got sick and it's been one thing after another and we're back to waking every couple of hours.
You know it's funny because when DS was little, if I dared try to do ANYTHING while he was asleep I would have him up & screaming in a second...but twice in the last week I have opted to change a diaper while he was sleeping & had him sleep right through & one was poopy....(he fell asleep for a nap before I realized he has pooped)....this is a totally new one me to be bale to do this. I would have NEVER believed I would ever be able to do this with him. I also know that he is still susceptible to disruptions though that throw us back into waking more often.....I am just happy to be able to do a few things without it waking him so easily.
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




Reply With Quote
  #11  
April 6th, 2009, 10:00 PM
chlodoll
Guest
Posts: n/a
DS was like your little one! Waking up constantly and would only go back to sleep if nursed. He would only nap if you napped with him as well. This went on until he weaned at 2. He would still wake at night for the first couple months but not as frequently and would go back to sleep after I would tell him to lie back down. My 3 month old already sleeps better then he did!

But for DS it wasn't until he knew that I was not going to nurse him did he start sleeping better.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
April 6th, 2009, 10:06 PM
Nekinna2402's Avatar Anniken <3 Tanja
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Stavanger, NORWAY.
Posts: 6,428
Send a message via MSN to Nekinna2402
Tanja is 15mths and still going on and off, mostly OFF! on the sleeping
I have spend the last few months using 2-5hours each night getting her to sleep
being frustrated over it, i did end up buying a little bottle of rescue remedy (100% natural and safe)
Babies and the Bach Flower Remedies
and it helped her fall asleep after just a few minutes and i haven't used more than 1 hour after that
I hated ending up giving her that, but knowing its all natural and very safe eased my mind
it helps calm people (and animals) down and if you look at their site you can see whats in it, and how all the ingredients work.

Sorry for getting a big off topic.
__________________
Anniken - 20 years - Mama to 4 year old -student - Norway


Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:34 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0