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So, now what?? (Need advice from co-sleeping/BFing mommies please)


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  #1  
April 6th, 2009, 12:42 PM
*Jack'sMommy*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi everyone! I'm new here - I've been lurking on this board for a while because I very much consider myself an AP mom but I have never posted before. I was sort of nervous to jump in but I figure now is a better time than ever! I have some sleep questions for moms who co-sleep and breastfeed.

My son Jack is 7 months old and has always been exclusively breastfed. I am very proud of this, he has never had a sip of formula (not that there is anything wrong with FF) and he just recently started on pureed fruits and veggies and oatmeal. He is doing wonderfully! We are also co-sleeping which we both absolutely love.

Now, onto our sleeping situation. My husband has been deployed since I was around 13 weeks pregnant. So, I went through most of my pregnancy without him home, and pretty much all of Jack's life thus far. He was home for two weeks when Jack was 11 days old but that was it! He is finally done and will be returning to the states this weekend!!!! Yay! This is obviously super exciting, but comes with some questions because Jack and I still co-sleep. It is the best thing for us, and I absolutely love it and don't want to stop. Jack still nurses every 3-4 hours during the night, and co-sleeping makes that very easy and I just absolutely love snuggling with him. He does start off the night in his PnP or crib, but when he wakes for the first time I always just scoop him right up and bring him into bed for the rest of the night. Of course a lot of people have given me the "advice" that once Chris gets home Jack will have to go into his crib. Um yeah, sorry, doesn't quite work like that! I'm not going to force Jack out of bed, that's not fair to him, and I just plain old don't wanna! I have talked to Chris a lot about this and he is aware and supportive of co-sleeping. However, I do not at all trust Chris not to roll over on Jack. He is a very heavy sleeper and especially being that he has been deployed for a year, I know he won't be aware of Jack in the bed while he's sleeping. So we are trying to figure out a safe way to continue to co-sleep. Jack will still go into his crib or PnP for the first stretch, but will continue to spend the rest of the night in bed with us. That way Chris and I get our "alone" time (who knows what that'll be used for since sex is the last thing on my mind these days) and Jack will still be able to be comfy and cozy in bed with mommy for the remainder of the night.

So, all that just to ask - what is the best way to co-sleep with a husband who is a heavy sleeper? I do have an Arm's Reach Mini Co-Sleeper which I think Jack will still fit in. Should I attach that to my side of the bed and make sure I don't fall asleep nursing Jack in between Chris and me so I put him back on my side each time? Or should I look into getting a rail for my side of the bed? I'm confused as to how to work this out but I am determined to make it work. If we had a king size bed I wouldn't be as concerned but we have a queen and our bedroom is not big enough for a king so that's not an option. Of course Jack will transition into his crib at some point probably by his first birthday, but for right now I would really like to maintain our co-sleeping relationship and I want to make sure it works for all of us.

Thanks in advance for any advice you can provide me!!
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  #2  
April 6th, 2009, 12:52 PM
Nekinna2402's Avatar Anniken <3 Tanja
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I don't have any SO so i can't really give you advice from experiment so feel free to ignore me if it makes no sense

How does you sleep? and how big is the bed?
if it was me, i would have put LO on one side (lets say nearest the wall) and you in the middle and hubby on the other side of you
that way LO can sleep safely on one side, while your husband can't toll over because you will be in between both of them so they can't reach each others?
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  #3  
April 6th, 2009, 12:57 PM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would put baby on one side next to the wall too, but you need to check every night that there are no gaps baby can fall into. I would say overlaying at this age would be unlikely though as your son would wiggle and struggle and cry.
But someone here had a really nice looking contraption to put in the bed with big foam rails that might help.
Good luck whatever you decide, and I hope everyhting goes well. I'm sure you are over the moon with dh coming home anyway
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  #4  
April 6th, 2009, 12:59 PM
*Jack'sMommy*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks for your response!! The thing is, our bed is not up against a wall and it really can't be because of the set-up of our bedroom. There are too many windows to put it against a wall safely. The reason I need something on my side is so that he won't roll or crawl off of the bed. He doesn't generally roll in his sleep but you never know and we have a high bed and hardwood floors so that is not a risk I am willing to take!
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  #5  
April 6th, 2009, 02:00 PM
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I would say get a rail or put the mattress on the floor. Our setup was that at first it was the crib next to the bed and then if she was between us I put the boopy so DP would roll onto that first, not that he ever did. It has beans or something so it is fairly solid. As an extra precaution I placed it so that if he pushed into it it would still not touch her face.

Now she crawls all over the place so the pillow is rather pointless. We have also moved the mattress to the floor.
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  #6  
April 6th, 2009, 02:33 PM
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to ap!

I was concerned about my dh too. I was just reading an article that said bfing moms don't go into the last deep sleep we did prior to having LO's. THAT's the reason why we co-sleep safely. I can assure you that your mommy instincts will kick in here and prevent your dh from making that mistake. (To be honest, he likely is going to need a transition just sharing the bed again with you!) It's awesome to hear your sacrifice for others ~ thank you! I'm grateful your family will be reunited again.
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  #7  
April 6th, 2009, 02:43 PM
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DH has always done good with Anna and she's slept in our bed every night for the past 4 months. He's said he's always aware when she's between us. At his age too, I'm sure he would wake up if he got rollled on.

You can start out with him on your side though and go from there. If you are comfortable move him to the middle once and see how it works. We have the co-sleeper too and since it's attached to the bed, I don't use a rail. I figure *if* she rolled over, she wouldn't go far, there's not enough of a drop for her to hurt herself. I find that Anna rolls into me always when we're sleeping, though. I'll start to worry more when she can crawl and starts getting up in the night
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  #8  
April 6th, 2009, 03:44 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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When my Ds was your age I worried a bit too...so we used a body pillow that went about to my waist as a buffer for Dh to make sure he had a barrier to rolling too far (although looking back it was never really necessary probably...and I kept Ds as much as possible between me & a side-rail...I just am smaller chested so I had to be on each side of him to nurse adequately (some women I have heard can nurse both breast while laying on one side...LOL). If i was awake at the end of a feeding I moved him back to the outside....if not I didn't worry since the body pillow buffered too much movement toward the baby.

You can also always decide to side-car your crib (since I was figuring you might own one when you mentioned transitioning him at about a year....) That worked great for us once space got tight.

When my Ds was your age I worried a bit too...so we used a body pillow that went about to my waist as a buffer for Dh to make sure he had a barrier to rolling too far (although looking back it was never really necessary probably...and I kept Ds as much as possible between me & a side-rail...I just am smaller chested so I had to be on each side of him to nurse adequately (some women I have heard can nurse both breast while laying on one side...LOL). If i was awake at the end of a feeding I moved him back to the outside....if not I didn't worry since the body pillow buffered too much movement toward the baby.

You can also always decide to side-car your crib (since I was figuring you might own one when you mentioned transitioning him at about a year....) That worked great for us once space got tight.
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If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
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Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
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The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #9  
April 6th, 2009, 06:32 PM
*Jack'sMommy*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks everyone!! I think I will set up the Arm's Reach just so that if he does roll he will roll into that. However, as someone else mentioned, I don't think he has ever rolled away from me. In fact, if he rolls onto his side it's always toward me to snuggle up to me. I'm just nervous I guess that Chris won't have an awareness, but he may actually be more aware than we think he will be. I will probably set up a pillow barrier just to be sure he won't roll into him at first and we will see how it goes from there. As for nursing, I am slightly larger chested (34D) and I can nurse from both breasts laying on the same side but it's more difficult and not as comfortable as switching sides so I usually do. Or I just nurse from the same side all night if I'm feeling really lazy. I guess we will find out how the family co-sleeping goes this weekend!!! I'll keep you guys posted if you want!

I do have some more AP questions for you guys which I'll hopefully have a chance to ask this week. This seems like a great board!! Thanks for all the help!
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  #10  
April 6th, 2009, 07:48 PM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
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Good luck sweetie. I am so happy for you that your DH is coming home. My Dh is in the army, so if you ever want to PM me, please do. DH is in Italy right now and will be deploying at the end of the year.

I think that attaching the crib to the side is a great idea if you cant move the bed against the wall. I would also think about moving the mattresses on the floor and off the frame and put an extra mattress or something for the baby to safely roll onto if he decides too.

Good luck sweetie. I am so happy for you that your DH is coming home. My Dh is in the army, so if you ever want to PM me, please do. DH is in Italy right now and will be deploying at the end of the year.

I think that attaching the crib to the side is a great idea if you cant move the bed against the wall. I would also think about moving the mattresses on the floor and off the frame and put an extra mattress or something for the baby to safely roll onto if he decides too.
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  #11  
April 6th, 2009, 07:49 PM
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BTW - Congrats on getting Chris home! I'm so excited for you! (and I demand lots of pictures )
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  #12  
April 6th, 2009, 09:13 PM
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How wonderful that your SO is coming home!

This is the setup I use
Bed Bug Bumpers - Portable Safety Bed Guard Rails
and it works great! I use the long piece on the edge of the bed and the short one between Toby and I, so he has his own space and I can roll over and nurse him when I need to. It's SO easy to use, fits easily under my sheet, and it's pretty cheap!

Just an idea...good luck!
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  #13  
April 6th, 2009, 09:56 PM
Nekinna2402's Avatar Anniken <3 Tanja
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Quote:
(some women I have heard can nurse both breast while laying on one side...LOL)
I can do that haha!
i just lean a little toward when she nurses from the top one LOL



I would do the crib thing, i could look up how you do it, if you want the instructions for it (:
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  #14  
April 7th, 2009, 06:45 AM
*Jack'sMommy*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sarah, thank you so much - I'm sorry your hubby is gone too. That's a long separation, going from Italy to a deployment - gotta love the Army! If you need anything, even just an ear to vent, please PM me too!!!

Andrea, you had better believe I will share pictures!! If you insist!!!

I didn't know you could attach the crib to the side of the bed - I would never have thought of that! The only problem is that our bedroom is TINY (our house was built in 1920) so I don't know if that would work. That Bed Bug Bumper thing looks interesting - I'm having a hard time picturing it but it just provides a wall on the edge of the mattress basically? I know there is a picture but I'm exhausted from Jack tossing and turning all night for some reason so I'm not running on much brain power!!
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  #15  
April 7th, 2009, 11:39 PM
Miracle's Avatar ♥ Melissa ♥
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Hi Lauryn!

My husband doesn't trust himself sleeping next to her in bed because he's a heavy sleeper and throws the pillows all around, etc.. so he told me that if I'm going to co-sleep, I cannot put her in between us at all. I have my Arms Reach Co-Sleeper set up next to my side in bed and she just stays on that side. I nurse her lying next to me when she's nursing on that side and then I pull her up and do the cradle hold when I nurse her on the other side and then push her back down when I'm done.
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  #16  
April 8th, 2009, 12:01 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Jack'sMommy* View Post
I didn't know you could attach the crib to the side of the bed - I would never have thought of that! The only problem is that our bedroom is TINY (our house was built in 1920) so I don't know if that would work. That Bed Bug Bumper thing looks interesting - I'm having a hard time picturing it but it just provides a wall on the edge of the mattress basically? I know there is a picture but I'm exhausted from Jack tossing and turning all night for some reason so I'm not running on much brain power!!
Just because I love ya I went & found the link someone gave me when we transitioned to this : How we sidecarred our crib - Home

I hope it helps!
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B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #17  
April 8th, 2009, 09:39 AM
mamatomaica's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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we have a sidecarred crib! thas a brilliant link there and it was the best thing we ever did!
xx
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