Log In Sign Up

How is you DH/SO about the AP style?


Forum: Attachment Parenting

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Attachment Parenting LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
April 7th, 2009, 07:56 AM
10x_A_Mommy's Avatar formerly mom_of_8
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 7,707
So long story short, me and dh have been married for almost 7 years, I already had 3 children when I met (well I had 2 and was pregnant with the 3rd). So I was pretty set in my parenting ways, which at the time I didn't know was considered "AP", but anyway....he was around when my 3rd child was born so he knew I breastfed (past 1 year), etc. So when we had our first child together, my 4th, (as well as the 2 after that), he pretty much knew what to expect as far as the choices I would make. I really didn't give him any choice in the matter lol. Maybe that's wrong of me, but I'm the one that is home with the kids all day (he only sees them about 2 hours a day) so how they are fed, how they are diapered, and how they are disciplined I feel is my choice since I am the one that does it all.

But with each of our 3 kids together, he'll say things like "isn't he/she getting too big for that now?" (talking about nursing), he makes fun of the cloth diapers - does he not realize how much $$ it saves him??? He doesn't think that I should respond to every cry, etc. Thinks slings are goofy looking and wouldn't a stroller be simpler? It drives me nuts. I will never stop what I'm doing just because he thinks it should be done differently. But with all the crap I catch from family members about my 'ways' it sure would be nice for him to be on the same page.

Anyone else have a dh that isn't onboard with it all? He'd never flat out tell me I HAVE to do things his way - he knows better lol. But it sure would be nice for him to back me up when family makes comments about me breastfeeding so long rather than agreeing with them. Thank God I have the internet lol, that's the only place I can find "weirdos" like me
__________________
~Jessica~
Mom of 3 girls and 6 boys
& never forgetting our angel
Tristan ~ lost 2/6/03 @ 20 weeks












Reply With Quote
  #2  
April 7th, 2009, 09:12 AM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: belfast, northern ireland
Posts: 1,563
LOL I am laughing at the knows better part. Sounds likes us
I live in Northern Ireland, on a council estate ( working class). Its a very homogenous society so basically everyone does things the same way. The very limited number of people who would read books and think of themselves as AP are in a totally different social class then we are. I do know some lovely ladies from the home ed group who are basically AP, but unfortunately you also ahve some on the very very far extreme who you see in the park with some incredibly vicious and cruel children. They dont believe in any discipline so when their children hurt little ones etc.. mommy just runs over and gives them a big hug and tries to ask how they are feeling, and make sure they get whatever they wanted. So it does give AP a bad name.Unfortunatley dh sees more of these then the home ed group His basic opinion is anything would be better then have children like those.
So yes he does have a hard time with gentle discipline only at times, and the whole idea of breastfeeding at all horrified him at first. He has never known of anyone else who did for even a few days. With his friends bragging how their LO's slept through the night from a couple of weeks he did think of trying cio at one point ( No chance). he did get past this when he saw that the child really screamed through the night, and this at over 2, having used cio since birth. he thought CIO was something you did one or two nights and it was "fixed".
Hated the sling at first too but has grown used to it seeing how much easier it makes things, and many people here who had never seen one before now ask me about them
But as time goes by he has become more and more accepting and even quite happy about many aspects of AP now. I suppose its natural for men to just want an easy fix especially when so many people talk as if something is wrong with a child needing parents to sleep etc... I have taken a similiar stance to Beck's on research. I've handed him a few books, told him when he reads them and can have a discussion based on facts I am quite happy to consider his opinion. I will not change my child rearing based on stories from friends of what works miracles that have so far turned up to be untrue anyway.
He's not all the way onboard, but he is coming along a good bit at least. Also he does at least appreciate knowing his children are well loved and well cared for.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #3  
April 7th, 2009, 10:00 AM
kristen121's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 4,513
For the most part, DH supports my parenting choices. However, I've had to spend a lot of time educating him on why I don't want to let DD CIO.

Also, for some reason he really wants her to start sleeping in her room at night. (Right now she sleep in a co-sleeper next to our bed). He's been asking me when I'm going to start having her sleep in her own room since the day she came home from the hospital. Finally I told him "If you want to get up and walk to other room and help her everytime she loses her paci at night, then she can sleep in her room. But I would much rather just roll over in bed and give her the paci without getting up!" He hasn't said anything about her sleeping in her own room since.
__________________
Kristen
Mommy to two sweet girls: Emma Marie (December 9, 2008) and Hadley Annabelle (November 29, 2011)



Reply With Quote
  #4  
April 7th, 2009, 10:31 AM
CaitBellLeighMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,827
For the most part, my DH agrees with me and loves AP.

On the nights our kids don't want to sleep or are super cranky, he wishes we were a CIO type of family. But he'd never seriously be able to let a baby CIO.
__________________



My 365 challenge My "Mommy" blog
No One can make YOU feel inferior without YOUR consent ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Reply With Quote
  #5  
April 7th, 2009, 11:54 AM
~Jackie
Guest
Posts: n/a
Dh used to make comments like that (and is reverting back to some of the NIP comments) but overall he is AP like I am. He sees how responding to their cries (Kailey as a baby) was a prerequisite for me to be happy. LOL! He picks up Nola if she's crying and I can't get to her. He does not like cloth diapers but he hasn't seen them in action. He thought baby signing was stupid until Kailey learned and now he's SO proud to "show her off". I used to suggest detaching her crib from our bed and he'd go on this "but there are spiders kick" which was a total LIE - there were no spiders and if there were they can climb whether she's attached to our bed or not.

He's AP like me, although I know the reasonings behind why I/we are AP and he just does it just because.

Dh used to make comments like that (and is reverting back to some of the NIP comments) but overall he is AP like I am. He sees how responding to their cries (Kailey as a baby) was a prerequisite for me to be happy. LOL! He picks up Nola if she's crying and I can't get to her. He does not like cloth diapers but he hasn't seen them in action. He thought baby signing was stupid until Kailey learned and now he's SO proud to "show her off". I used to suggest detaching her crib from our bed and he'd go on this "but there are spiders kick" which was a total LIE - there were no spiders and if there were they can climb whether she's attached to our bed or not.

He's AP like me, although I know the reasonings behind why I/we are AP and he just does it just because.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
April 7th, 2009, 03:32 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Bay Area CA
Posts: 19,074
DH is pretty AP. He was born in Korea though were co-sleeping/babywearing/extended BF is still the norm in most of the country. He won't wear Lily though, he just carries her. But he's fine with BF, co-sleeping, no CIO, etc. I have a feeling when it gets to be time to discipline her for something he'll be a little less gentle then I would like, but we'll work on that when the time comes. I know he's against spanking, I'm just guessing his tone will be a bit sharp at that point.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #7  
April 7th, 2009, 03:33 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Bay Area CA
Posts: 19,074
DH is pretty AP. He was born in Korea though were co-sleeping/babywearing/extended BF is still the norm in most of the country. He won't wear Lily though, he just carries her. But he's fine with BF, co-sleeping, no CIO, etc. I have a feeling when it gets to be time to discipline her for something he'll be a little less gentle then I would like, but we'll work on that when the time comes. I know he's against spanking, I'm just guessing his tone will be a bit sharp at that point.
__________________

Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:43 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0