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Generational gap


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
April 7th, 2009, 05:08 PM
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Do you find that older people are more critical of AP or don't understand it?

My grandma is extremely critical of me and my parenting style. She doesn't understand babywearing, co-sleeping, breastfeeding or wanting to be a SAHM. I also ran into a much older store employee while grocery shopping yesterday, who stopped me to inform me that they had the shopping carts with the attached infant seats there. Even when I explained to her that Anna was perfectly comfortable in the wrap, as was I wearing her, she didn't seem to understand.
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  #2  
April 7th, 2009, 06:22 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think it really depends. There are times I think that is true, but my gram is pretty supportive. She never ceases to amaze me though. But yes - there are plenty that look at me like I have a third eye if I talk about some of these things.
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  #3  
April 7th, 2009, 07:07 PM
KatiesGirls
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I'll never forget the ugly look I got from a very old lady in the grocery store when I was nursing Kaylee in my sling. I just don't get the concepts that those generations cooked up. I think they took the 'spare the rod spoil the child' far too extreme.

I still hear every now and then how someone was told that if they hold their baby too much you will spoil them, or how your 6 month old will manipulate you if you respond to their cries at night. All the aftermath of some really messed up generations IMO. The ones that really suffer from it are the babies.
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  #4  
April 7th, 2009, 07:50 PM
Effervescence's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My grandma is VERY supportive of me and my parenting styles. I think it is her background though, and where she grew up. My mom and aunt on the other hand don't really "get" it. They aren't critical, and think it's great that I'm doing things the way I see fit, but they don't really comprehend it, KWIM?
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  #5  
April 8th, 2009, 10:14 AM
KatiesGirls
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I only have one living grandparent and she is in AZ and I am in Wa. I don't think we have ever really discussed parenting beliefs...
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  #6  
April 8th, 2009, 01:58 PM
Gina1978's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I find that most older women are totally against AP around here.I get comments for holding Noe,and comments for jumping when she cries etc.It seems that 99% of the time,these women are pushing the CIO method,no holding,no BFing for too long,no co-sleeping....its as if Im being told to ignore my baby because in the long run,its good for her.
I get the stupidest advice from older women..things like this:

1:Crying is good.It expands the lungs and releives stress.Babies MUST be left to cry from time to time,its very healthy.A baby who isnt left to cry has no way of letting off steam.

2:Babys arent dumb,they are little manipulators! If you teach them that they´ll get what they want when they cry,they´ll be crying ALL day.

3:If you awnser to a childs cries,it delays their speech.Why? because if they can get what they want by crying,they have no need to know any words.

4:Being too hands on (AP) makes your kids into totally dependant,cry-happy wimps.**Iv actually been told that due to my parenting,my son will be GAY!**

5:Being AP is a high form of neglegance.You are denying your child of any freedom and teaching him/her to depend totally on you (the parent).AP is selfish and causes kids all kinds of mental issues.*I was actually TOLD this by the psycologist at my sons school!*

6:Hippes are no longer "in".AP was OK in the 70´s,but now kids have to be tough!
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  #7  
April 8th, 2009, 03:10 PM
10x_A_Mommy's Avatar formerly mom_of_8
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Location: Tennessee
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My grandmother thinks it is wonderful, my mom on the other hand........she just thinks I'm nuts.
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  #8  
April 8th, 2009, 03:31 PM
KatiesGirls
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gina1978 View Post
I find that most older women are totally against AP around here.I get comments for holding Noe,and comments for jumping when she cries etc.It seems that 99% of the time,these women are pushing the CIO method,no holding,no BFing for too long,no co-sleeping....its as if Im being told to ignore my baby because in the long run,its good for her.
I get the stupidest advice from older women..things like this:

1:Crying is good.It expands the lungs and releives stress.Babies MUST be left to cry from time to time,its very healthy.A baby who isnt left to cry has no way of letting off steam.

2:Babys arent dumb,they are little manipulators! If you teach them that they´ll get what they want when they cry,they´ll be crying ALL day.

3:If you awnser to a childs cries,it delays their speech.Why? because if they can get what they want by crying,they have no need to know any words.

4:Being too hands on (AP) makes your kids into totally dependant,cry-happy wimps.**Iv actually been told that due to my parenting,my son will be GAY!**

5:Being AP is a high form of neglegance.You are denying your child of any freedom and teaching him/her to depend totally on you (the parent).AP is selfish and causes kids all kinds of mental issues.*I was actually TOLD this by the psycologist at my sons school!*

6:Hippes are no longer "in".AP was OK in the 70´s,but now kids have to be tough!
Pretty much all of that left me jaw dropped but WOW. I am amazed at the level of ignorance in the world. It's just sad.
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  #9  
April 9th, 2009, 07:17 AM
Beaker's Avatar My boys are adorable
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I often wonder when this kind of mentality came around. After all, I consider AP to be instinctual. Everyone I know who let their baby CIO cried too. That seems like a mama going against her gut feelings. I guess I'll never understand.
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  #10  
April 9th, 2009, 09:43 AM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My biggest problem is my mom...but luckily she never really says much. I get the "you have to let him cry sometimes" and "don't you think you are spoiling him?" every now and then. We just spent 5 days in Florida with my parents and I wore him in his wrap the entire time. She got to see first hand just how content he was while being worn. Luckily my mom is pretty open minded I just have to give her the "proof" that what I am doing is the right thing.

Co-sleeping on the other hand seems to be the hot button around here. I usually just state the facts that more babies die from SIDS in their cribs then in their parents bed when done right.

I think I am just so tired of defending the way I parent.
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  #11  
April 9th, 2009, 02:59 PM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My grandmother would be totally supportive of AP if she were alive, and from what I have heard so would DH's grandmother, but they would be much older. Some of my neighbours in thier late 70's are also quite supportive, maybe its just the inbetween generation finds it odd.
And I believe AP children are less dependent. the need is filled so they move on. Mine are both quite independent for their age.
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  #12  
April 9th, 2009, 03:23 PM
(.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by andi2284 View Post
Do you find that older people are more critical of AP or don't understand it?
Oh man.. I'm just finishing a book called Three in Bed and along with a few of the books I've read about breastfeeding, I'm not surprised that older generations don't get it because of the stuff they have been told by "professionals." Man some of the crap they have been told and doctors promoted it? It's funny because yes doctors were pro-smoking but now everyone knows better. I just wish that same method of changing public opinion could be applied to parenting, co-sleeping, and breastfeeding.
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