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Co-sleeping questions!


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  #1  
April 10th, 2009, 02:09 PM
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Hi ladies. I mainly frequent the March DDC (now playroom...wow time flies) but I had a question about co-sleeping and figured this was a good place to get some answers!

My DH and I both want to co-sleep with our son Chase. It is going pretty well...he loves it and sleeps so much better with us. Most of the time he falls asleep on DH's chest or in my arms or in his snuggle-nest.

My problem is that I am such a worrier that when he sleeps with us I don't sleep. I have done a lot of reading about SIDS and risk factors and I have thoroughly freaked myself out. I think when he sleeps with us I just go into freak-out mode and figure that he can sleep with us as long as I am awake to make sure nothing goes wrong!

Just wondering if any of you felt this way at first and how you eventually overcame your worries, or if you have any other advice to make this easier on me. It could be worse though...at least Chase likes it and is sleeping in 3-4 hour stretches with us!
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  #2  
April 10th, 2009, 02:56 PM
KatiesGirls
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Douuuuble

Last edited by KatiesGirls; April 10th, 2009 at 03:07 PM.
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  #3  
April 10th, 2009, 02:56 PM
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*double

Last edited by KatiesGirls; April 10th, 2009 at 03:07 PM.
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  #4  
April 10th, 2009, 03:05 PM
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First of all welcome to motherhood! Also welcome to second guessing every decision you make for the rest of your LIFE lol kidding!!.. Kind of

I think I felt a great deal of how you described when the girls were as tiny as Chase is and it was something that eased over time. I found that even when I put them safely in their bassinets that I was still up all night long checking to make sure they were breathing and then when they would wake to eat the movement of them being picked up and brought to bed would wake them up more than if they awoke while next to me and all I had to do was turn and feed them. I also found that over time, my subconscious took over and I would position them if I didn't like how they were sleeping, or move any objects away that I thought were too close without really waking myself. It's pretty cool.

Co-sleeping is awesome but it's not for everyone. You need to find something that keeps you and baby both comfortable. If that means a bassinet and Chase and you are both cool with it, then maybe try that out. I can assure you though, that I went through exactly what you are describing and it did get better.

Now I can't sleep without her in bed with me

Welcome to the board! I hope you stick around and post often!!!

Last edited by KatiesGirls; April 10th, 2009 at 03:07 PM.
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  #5  
April 10th, 2009, 03:13 PM
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I felt the same exact way! Especially when I woke up one night with my blanket over Brendan's head! That is when I transitioned him into his bassinet and kept it right next to my bed. It worked out really good. I could sleep comfortably (and fears put aside) but I still had all the benefits as I did with bed sharing.

Although, my son is a linebacker and did outgrow his bassinet fairly fast....so I had to transition him into his crib at 8 weeks old...His room is right across mine and I have a monitor so it wasn't tooooo bad. I was really sad though, but he seemed to love all the space lol

I hope you find out what works for you and your fam
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  #6  
April 10th, 2009, 04:25 PM
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Thanks ladies! It is good to know that I am not alone in feeling this way- he sleeps occasionally in his bassinet but he doesn't seem to sleep as well in there- it seems so big right now compared to his little tiny body!
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  #7  
April 10th, 2009, 04:47 PM
KatiesGirls
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He is a gorgeous baby

I am a shorter girl, so I am able to scooch down on the bed so that the blanket goes down across her body and there's no chance of it going up over her head at night. Also when she was that small, it was easier for us to have her in her boppy between our heads that way she couldn't roll. I would put a folded up blanket in the hole then wrap them up and lay them in the boppy. That's how I got used to sleeping with my pillow going up and down instead of side to side

Good luck finding something that works for you!
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  #8  
April 10th, 2009, 05:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FranksGirls View Post
He is a gorgeous baby

I am a shorter girl, so I am able to scooch down on the bed so that the blanket goes down across her body and there's no chance of it going up over her head at night. Also when she was that small, it was easier for us to have her in her boppy between our heads that way she couldn't roll. I would put a folded up blanket in the hole then wrap them up and lay them in the boppy. That's how I got used to sleeping with my pillow going up and down instead of side to side

Good luck finding something that works for you!
Thanks! I never knew someone could so completely take over my heart so swiftly Thanks for the boppy idea...Chase likes the boppy...I will give it a try tonight!
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  #9  
April 10th, 2009, 05:40 PM
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Boppy sounds like a great idea! If that doesn't work what about those arm's-reach co sleepers? Where it's like a bed attached to your bed? THat way he has his own space yet can be close enough to you
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  #10  
April 10th, 2009, 06:23 PM
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This helped ease my fears:
CO-SLEEPING: YES, NO, SOMETIMES?

After reading that, I am more worried to have her in the co-sleeper instead of the bed. I hope it helps you too!
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  #11  
April 10th, 2009, 07:48 PM
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The snuggle nest is perfect for keeping your little guy in a great position in a space that is a bit of his own. We had the co-sleeper too, it was a great tool for holding the books and diapers and toys in. If you are not already nursing in the sidelying position, once you get comfy with it you will be so shocked by how instinctual the nighttime parenting becomes.
Oh we all had our own blankets when the 3 of us shared the bed that way we didn't worry too much about Avery getting all wrapped up.
Just trust your instincts, if your little guy is loving bed with Mom and Dad keep loving it.Really you will never sleep again the same as you did before your baby was born...it is crazy times 1,000,000 how much you love them and really its even crazier that the love grows every minute.And yeah that is one seriously adorable baby!!!
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  #12  
April 10th, 2009, 08:50 PM
isolt's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I did not cosleep when my son was very small. My husband was also very against it. I am not sure how I will do it next time but I know now that he is older we co sleep 2-3 hours a day. Usually he wakes at 5 am and I put him in bed with me to nurse him and we sleep. I have his head positioned on my arm, and he sleeps facing me. Sometimes I move my arm and allow him to sleep on his back but he is rolling now so that is done.

It is scary no matter where they sleep when they are brand new. You are going to worry about them in your bed or in the crib/ cradle. i constantly checked to see if he was breathing it he was quiet, it is just what a good mommy does. You will relax in a few weeks but don't expect real sleep any time soon. congrats and good luck, you baby is beautiful!
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  #13  
April 10th, 2009, 09:28 PM
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I did worry quite a bit and didn't really sleep much at first. However I soon learned that my mommy instincts woke me anytime there was a hitch in her breathing, a movement of hers, anything at all that could possibly indicate a problem. I even once woke up when she had a high fever due to her hot little body being so close to me. How would I have known that she had that fever if she was across the hall or in a bassinet??? I say just relax, keep being the great mommy you are being, and sleep as much as you can and when you can! Congrats on the handsome little guy!
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  #14  
April 10th, 2009, 09:57 PM
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I worried whenever she slept, it didn't matter where she was. We propped her in her boppy sometimes, although it does say on the boppy to not let them sleep on it. I usually position her so she's in the crook of my arm, because she likes to be touching me while she sleeps and that works well for us. DH uses a different blanket then Lily/me so I can make sure that nothing goes over her head.
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  #15  
April 10th, 2009, 11:54 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well first off CONGRATS! Welcome to the neurotic world of being a sleep deprived momma to a newborn! I didn't cosleep when my Ds was this tiny. I couldn't really. I had a rough delivery physically & tore through my rectum & broke my tailbone - YIKES - so I couldn't do the stairs until he was past 2 months old...so he slept in an Amby bed right along side of me while I slept on the couch. It was perfect for me in my physical state - as I could position the bed so I could literally open one eye & see him without having to move (Amby is a hammock bed & hangs from a frame, so it sets lower than a typical bassinet). Anyway - then I moved upstairs and took him with me & for a while he stayed in the Amby. I couldn't get around all that great & for some reason I thought that having him in bed would be harder (looking back that is nuts) but anyway - when I started to feel better & he was a bit bigger (like 4-5 months) I started co-sleeping part time (I think that is the right age) anyway - it wasn't too long before he was co-sleeping more & more & eventually full time. When the next baby comes I hopefully will have a better situation post-delivery "down there" and won't need to be on the couch...and if so I will get a nest to put between & just start off making it easier on us all... LOL
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  #16  
April 11th, 2009, 12:29 AM
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I was scared to death when I first coslept with Audree and I still wake myself up at least 2-3 tmies a night to make sure my babies are okay, especially since Jacob is preemie. Honestly though I hadn't done that for a long time until I had him. I think once they get a little bigger we feel much more comfortable cosleeping then when they are tiny
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  #17  
April 11th, 2009, 01:58 AM
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Funnily enough, I was more neurotic with newborn Ben sleeping when he wasn't in bed with me. I'd be waking up lots and then placing a hand on his chest just to check it was still rising up and down! Whereas when he was in bed with me, I could feel him breathing, so I didn't need to wake up properly to check.

I probably co-slept with Ben from birth for over 90% of the time. He sounds a bit like Chase - didn't like to sleep on his own. He was very hard to put down in a crib without waking, and if I did manage it, he'd normally wake up crying about 15 minutes later anyway.

I say trust your instincts (and follow the general safety steps for co-sleeping). I found breastfeeding Ben lying down & co-sleeping to be very natural, and with the exception of the first night (when I ended up co-sleeping with him by accident, whole other story and not something I'd recommend!!), felt comfortable with it. I do get that it's scary when they're so tiny though! I was maybe helped out by the fact that Ben was never really tiny, born weighing 9lb 2oz, he's always been a big baby. That said, if after a while you find co-sleeping is still making you nervous to the point where you aren't getting the rest you need, then maybe think about some of the other suggestions here, like a bedside cot.
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  #18  
April 11th, 2009, 02:00 AM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
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WELCOME to AP!!! I hope these ladies answers have been helpful for you!

When I started co-sleeping this time, I curled around her body with her swaddled. I read that co-sleeping helps reduce the chance of sids(although I cant remember where I read it.) I felt better with her next to me. Once she got a little older, I started sleeping better. You guys will get into a good grove. I know once Bella hit about 7 weeks we started her out at night in her crib and then would co-sleep after she woke up the first time. That worked for us b/c i got a few good hours of sleep and then would kinda be half asleep while she was in bed with me. Now, she is almost 5 months and I sleep better with her.

I hope you like it here, your baby is adorable!
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  #19  
April 11th, 2009, 05:45 AM
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Thanks for all of the great advice ladies! I didn't know there were so many resources (products, articles, etc.) out there for co-sleeping! I'm sure we will find a sleeping situation that works best for us-- it is reassuring to know that when they are this tiny it may just take a while to figure out what to do.
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  #20  
April 11th, 2009, 06:49 AM
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I know I'm chiming in a bit late but I wanted to tell you I can so relate!

I thought I had done my research on co-sleeping prior to having a baby and felt that it was wrong to co-sleep. I sided with my country, province and local health region's stance that it was not only wrong, but dangerous. When I had my dd, my faith in the medical community was shattered as well as my emotional, physical and spiritual state. I was so upset PP for so many reasons. I started to read Dr. Sear's Discipline Book and had a major breakdown. You see, I started co-sleeping with my dd because of my state post partum. I thought I was the worst mom in the world for doing this because I had it beaten into my head that co-sleeping was dangerous. Reading my parenting style in the beginning of the book VALIDATED everything. (The first half of the book is all about attachment parenting.) I started to really research co-sleeping and turned 180 degrees with my thoughts. (That's why I come here to support other women. I know how hard it is emotionally to feel alone with co-sleeping and having horrible stories everywhere you turn. Along with the health professionals opinion, it's hard to come to terms with PP. I'm so thankful you're dh is on board too!)

There is lots of information showing that co-sleeping reduces the chance of SIDS as well promote a healthy, long breastfeeding relationship. I find breastfeeding books end up promoting co-sleeping with SIDS reducing research because they talk about the sleep patterns you and your baby go through from of the breastfeeding. That relationship along with the sleep patterns is what keeps our LO's from falling victim to SIDS in some cases. (I don't think it's fair to anyone to say we really know the cause of SIDS. While I hold personal opinions on it, it seems there isn't a pin pointed reason just a few pieces of a puzzle not really put together yet. That's why I think it's so wrong to say that co-sleeping increases the risk of SIDS because that's only true when co-sleeping safety guidelines are not followed.)

I just finished a book from my library called Three in One Bed. (You can find the book review in our sticky.) It helps give you permission at an emotional and spiritual level embracing your motherly instincts to co-sleep. Also, if you get a chance, in our welcome thread, we have a (Bed Sharing 101)http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f97-attachment-parenting/1354112-bed-sharing-101-a.html that might help you with more information.

Co-sleeping with dd has been one of the most rewarding things I've done so I have no doubts that Chase loves it too! It just filled my heart at so many levels to have my LO rooting for me without it dsitrubing her sleep. DH and I often giggle with her before she sleeps with her boobie raspberries and then after when she is breathing like her mommy who's been accused on more than one occiasion of sounding like Darth Vadar. (Imagine how hard it is not to laugh at a mini-me Darth Vadar!)

The amazing thing to me was that after we were open about co-sleeping, I found out one of aunts co-slept with her LO's and does so because it's part our native culture. Dh laughs and tells me that I was made to be a great mom and those instincts from way back are what is leading our parenting style (albeit accidently) today. If I had only given myself more permission to listen to them, I could have by-passed a lot of guilt.

Co-sleeping was so natural and normal for us to do that it breaks my heart there are so many parents who won't sleep with their LO because of the stigma attached to it. Giving myself permission to sleep with my LO was a process so I respect it not being easy just to do it now with confidence. I strongly encourage to read more and arm yourself with that knowledge so you can confidently sleep with your LO too.

Cheers,

Michelle
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