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Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
April 10th, 2009, 05:40 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 26,251
If you know someone who is going to have thier first baby, would you ever tried to convince them to give AP a try? What do you say if you do?

My sister and her BIL are due with thier first baby next month, and I so badly want to show her how wonderful AP is. We bought them an Arm's Reach Cosleeper to help make having the baby close-by easier and hopefully nighttime breastfeeding too. I also gave her one of my wraps and showed her how to put it on. I think she is a bit skeptical of co-sleeping though and I'm not sure how to show her that it's okay.

Or is it best to just back off and not say anything? I know I hate when others try to give me parenting advice, so I'm leaning towards not saying anything at all.
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  #2  
April 10th, 2009, 05:49 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,003
IMO the best kind of advice you can give in advance of the baby is just to tell her to trust her instinct. The undermining of a woman's instinct is the #1 weapon against an AP approach to parenting. It almost seems like there is a movement out there that believes if parenting ever feels good or right, you are doing something wrong!

Then when the baby comes, don't be afraid to offer AP solutions to specific problems. The baby wants to be held a lot (or mama wants to hold the baby a lot)? Have you tried some kind of carrier? It's the greatest thing to have hands free and still be close to your baby. Etcetc.

I remember when I was pregnant, I was so overwhelmed by all of the "stuff" that comes with a baby and advice of well meaning people that everything went in one ear and out the other.
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  #3  
April 10th, 2009, 05:56 PM
KatiesGirls
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lisa74 View Post
IMO the best kind of advice you can give in advance of the baby is just to tell her to trust her instinct. The undermining of a woman's instinct is the #1 weapon against an AP approach to parenting. It almost seems like there is a movement out there that believes if parenting ever feels good or right, you are doing something wrong!

Then when the baby comes, don't be afraid to offer AP solutions to specific problems. The baby wants to be held a lot (or mama wants to hold the baby a lot)? Have you tried some kind of carrier? It's the greatest thing to have hands free and still be close to your baby. Etcetc.

I remember when I was pregnant, I was so overwhelmed by all of the "stuff" that comes with a baby and advice of well meaning people that everything went in one ear and out the other.


I think you can start by just opening up the conversation of what kind of parent they want to be. Ask how they were raised and what things they do and don't want to take from it. I find that it's easier though to just wait until they ask specific questions than to try and sell them the brochure on AP Most people are pressured from the get go to be traditional... I think even if you don't get deep into AP you can help them by letting them know that if something they do/want to do goes against TP that there is another very rewarding way to parent.

Then you offer them cookies...
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  #4  
April 10th, 2009, 06:14 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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I like to give the Dr.Sears baby book as a shower gift. Its full of your basic need to know info and is a great first step into the AP "style".

I think as long as people are curious and asking, why not really delve into what is working for you...and why.
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  #5  
April 10th, 2009, 11:26 PM
Michigan Momma's Avatar Just Chillin'
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I have talked to one of my friends about AP, she is a first time mommy due any day now and she has really taken to the idea, at first she wasn't sure but she asked a lot of questions that helped her decide. She's really happy and excited. I think that making the suggestion is okay but if they don't like the idea, don't push it!
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  #6  
April 11th, 2009, 01:05 AM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Carolina
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I recommend books to my friends who are pregnant. I start with The happiest baby on the block and go from there. If I find an article I think is good, I will send it to them. I also tell them to do what feels right and what works for them.

I think you are helping a ton! Good for you. Let her know that there is suppport for AP and where to find help when she gets discouraged.

I recommend books to my friends who are pregnant. I start with The happiest baby on the block and go from there. If I find an article I think is good, I will send it to them. I also tell them to do what feels right and what works for them.

I think you are helping a ton! Good for you. Let her know that there is suppport for AP and where to find help when she gets discouraged.
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  #7  
April 11th, 2009, 06:43 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
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I agree with the best thing to do is to trust her instincts and not to take anyone's advice but her own. THe minute someone starts following someone else's advice and go against their own beliefs is when things start going downhill...I'm not sure I worded that right - but you know what i mean..I hope!

I usually just give little shower gifts and wait til baby is here. We all know that we say one thing when pregnant and do a whole different thing when baby is here. No one can prepare for their own child until the child is here. No one can explain the feelings, you just have to experience it.
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  #8  
April 11th, 2009, 07:55 AM
mamatomaica's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i'm totaly planning getting my sister and SIL a dr sears book when the time comes.
xxx
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  #9  
April 11th, 2009, 08:32 AM
Sophia1Day
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If they ask for my advice I give it. If they don't, I try to look for things I can compliment and use it as a doorway to share. I treat them with love and guidance and respect.

Let's say they use CIO at night. Instead of lecturing them on CIO, when I do see them respond to the babies cry right away I might say "Awe, you are so responsive with her." If she leaves the baby crying I will say "You must be so exhausted. I can get the baby if you like?" if they insist on leaving the baby to cry I will be honest "It's very hard for me to hear that, it must be for you too. If you ever are interested in another solution that would work you know you can always ask me." and if it continue, I will politely excuse myself because I just can't be around that it gives me anxiety.
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