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I want my afternoons back


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  #1  
April 15th, 2009, 03:25 AM
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I just let my girl whine by herself for few minutes. She's still by herself in the crib but is just crawling around. I'm thisclose to letting her CIO for naptime. I feel evil.

I just want my afternoons back. Since August I have had to lay down next to her for every single nap. I get no break. Sure I can browse and sleep but I never get a minute to myself. Once DP comes home she's getting cranky and doesnt really want to be away from me. She goes to sleep between 6 and 7 and after she's asleep the day is gone and I'm tired. I just want a break while I have the energy to do something for me I'm actually crying writing this

DP has had good success putting her to sleep both for naptime and at night. So during easter I had him put her down for her nap on 4 consecutive days. I was going to continue to put her down in her crib for naps. Yesterday worked all right except I woke her up by accidentally clanging dishes when I was washing them. Today wasnt that great.

I took an hour to breastfeed her, rock her, breastfeed some more, rock some more etc until she was asleep. 5 minutes later she had a coughing fit and woke herself up. I tried to put her to sleep on the boob again and she fell asleep but awoke the minute I put her down. I tried to calm her in the bed which didnt work so I just left. She complained for 5-10 minutes and seems to be just playing. I doubt she'll go to sleep anymore today. I just wish she'd give me a friggin hour break. I've nurtured her through naptimes for 8 months by giving up my time, I just cant anymore....
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  #2  
April 15th, 2009, 06:28 AM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sorry you are having a rough time of it. Ian only naps on my lap, where he is now.
But at 8 months I can get a bit time to do things most days by setting him up on the floor with a box of toys to play for a bit. we have too many toys anyway so rotate alot. Maybe you could find someway she could start to netertain herself for short periods even a couple of minutes at first? A cupboard full of things to dump on the floor in the kitchen, a corner with toys in the bedroom or a box in the front room?
OK my house is a mess with toys etc... LOL but it keeps him happy while I cook, iron or play video games with his brother. Ians nap time is simply my computer or reading time, or maybe even video games agian, although I do hate them most of them it makes Billy happy for me to play.
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  #3  
April 15th, 2009, 08:20 AM
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I have to lie down with Lily during naps as well. She naps in our bed and if she wakes she'll crawl right off of it, plus she senses when I leave the room and she'll start crying. So, I just use the time to read a book or pick up around the room.

I am able to get stuff done later by giving her toys to play with or wearing her in her Mei Tai. DH also tends to take her for a bit when he gets home from work so I can have a bit of time to myself.

Hang in there!
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  #4  
April 15th, 2009, 10:05 AM
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HUGS! I also have to do this sometimes. I usually rock, nurse, lay Lincoln down in his crib, then stand and rub his back or tummy until he is asleep, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I hope you get some time to yourself soon.
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  #5  
April 15th, 2009, 11:08 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fluga View Post
I just let my girl whine by herself for few minutes. She's still by herself in the crib but is just crawling around. I'm thisclose to letting her CIO for naptime. I feel evil.

I just want my afternoons back. Since August I have had to lay down next to her for every single nap. I get no break. Sure I can browse and sleep but I never get a minute to myself. Once DP comes home she's getting cranky and doesnt really want to be away from me. She goes to sleep between 6 and 7 and after she's asleep the day is gone and I'm tired. I just want a break while I have the energy to do something for me I'm actually crying writing this

DP has had good success putting her to sleep both for naptime and at night. So during easter I had him put her down for her nap on 4 consecutive days. I was going to continue to put her down in her crib for naps. Yesterday worked all right except I woke her up by accidentally clanging dishes when I was washing them. Today wasnt that great.

I took an hour to breastfeed her, rock her, breastfeed some more, rock some more etc until she was asleep. 5 minutes later she had a coughing fit and woke herself up. I tried to put her to sleep on the boob again and she fell asleep but awoke the minute I put her down. I tried to calm her in the bed which didnt work so I just left. She complained for 5-10 minutes and seems to be just playing. I doubt she'll go to sleep anymore today. I just wish she'd give me a friggin hour break. I've nurtured her through naptimes for 8 months by giving up my time, I just cant anymore....
It sounds to me like you are just hitting a wall emotionally & your LO is in a difficult phase for you. I am sorry you are struggling so much. My Ds was not a great sleeper on his own at this age either, but it did happen. I don't know what you are wanting time to do, but maybe you can find other ways to get there. For instance, I couldn't be on the computer if Ds napped upstairs, so he naps on the couch. He used to wake easily from noises, so I would tune the radio to "snow" and turn it up before he fell asleep, to give a "white noise" background & kind of soften other noises he might hear (that helped a lot)... When he was that age he really loved his exersaucer, so I could put him in that & set him in front of the mirror & he'd be pretty happy for maybe 20-30 mins a day - it didn't always work, but most of the time it did. I noticed you said that you are tired at the end of the day - too tired to do what you would like to do for your down time....perhaps if you just went with teh flow & napped when she did you would feel a little more energized at the end of the day & able to handle her end-of-day crankiness & when she was asleep you would have a little more pep to be able to do the stuff you would like to do....

I am just trying to help you sort out some options.... I do know I can whole heartedly tell you this WILL pass & she will sleep easier on her own sooner than later. Hang in there!
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
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  #6  
April 15th, 2009, 11:33 AM
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Thanks for reading and responding guys. I was really having a miserable afternoon. What ended up happening was that I left her by herself in the crib for about 45 minutes while sitting outside the room looking at her and crying most of the time. She was calmly just chilling in there, I ended up getting her when she started getting upset.

Broxi, she does entertain herself a bit but it's more like playing with stuff for a bit, trying to bang at my laptop/rip it off the bed I'm sitting on, play for a bit etc. It's just not enough for me. I have given her my all for so long, I need to have a moment for myself. I have practised all the Bs of AP except boundaries and now I need my boundaries.

I dont know if I'd even be trying to get her to nap by herself if I hadnt seen that she is perfectly capable of it. Whenever her dad puts her down for a nap she sleeps for an hour or more. I'm so anti baby training that if anyone says that she has to learn something I feel like unleashing on them. My stance is that I dont think she has to learn anything but I will support her in learning and discovering at her own pace. Until couple of months ago it seemed that she needed my support for a long restful nap (when DP put her down she'd sleep for much less, maybe half an hour).

I love cuddling with her, I love laying down next to her as she slowly drifts off to sleep. It's just that if I do that for nap time then she will notice when I leave. If I dont leave I miss out on the time I now need for myself and risk falling asleep in a bad position (I put loads of pillows so I can see the laptop screen) which sometimes gets me a bad headache for the rest of the day.

And just to be clear, I'm still anti CIO and not about to try it. I was just so frustrated, broken and desperate when I wrote the first post. I didnt leave her to CIO then although she did fuss for about 10 minutes. At that point I just really needed to be gone, I had no energy to deal with her in any shape or form. Anyway tomorrow is a new day and we'll spend half an hour or whatever rocking and breastfeeding and just maybe third try is the charm.

Thanks for reading and responding guys. I was really having a miserable afternoon. What ended up happening was that I left her by herself in the crib for about 45 minutes while sitting outside the room looking at her and crying most of the time. She was calmly just chilling in there, I ended up getting her when she started getting upset.

Broxi, she does entertain herself a bit but it's more like playing with stuff for a bit, trying to bang at my laptop/rip it off the bed I'm sitting on, play for a bit etc. It's just not enough for me. I have given her my all for so long, I need to have a moment for myself. I have practised all the Bs of AP except boundaries and now I need my boundaries.

I dont know if I'd even be trying to get her to nap by herself if I hadnt seen that she is perfectly capable of it. Whenever her dad puts her down for a nap she sleeps for an hour or more. I'm so anti baby training that if anyone says that she has to learn something I feel like unleashing on them. My stance is that I dont think she has to learn anything but I will support her in learning and discovering at her own pace. Until couple of months ago it seemed that she needed my support for a long restful nap (when DP put her down she'd sleep for much less, maybe half an hour).

I love cuddling with her, I love laying down next to her as she slowly drifts off to sleep. It's just that if I do that for nap time then she will notice when I leave. If I dont leave I miss out on the time I now need for myself and risk falling asleep in a bad position (I put loads of pillows so I can see the laptop screen) which sometimes gets me a bad headache for the rest of the day.

And just to be clear, I'm still anti CIO and not about to try it. I was just so frustrated, broken and desperate when I wrote the first post. I didnt leave her to CIO then although she did fuss for about 10 minutes. At that point I just really needed to be gone, I had no energy to deal with her in any shape or form. Anyway tomorrow is a new day and we'll spend half an hour or whatever rocking and breastfeeding and just maybe third try is the charm.
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  #7  
April 15th, 2009, 02:00 PM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I hope you find something to work for you. Ian id asleep on my lap again, LOL, but if he is anything like his brother he'll outgrow naps soon anyway. I was just thinking though, have you tried a swing? or a hammock bed that swings? Something with movement might help.
If she isnt crying or upset though, maybe some more toys in the cot and she can sleep or play whatever she likes?

Coloured light things might help too, if they watch them long enough sometimes they fall asleep.
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  #8  
April 15th, 2009, 02:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beck12 View Post
It sounds to me like you are just hitting a wall emotionally & your LO is in a difficult phase for you. I am sorry you are struggling so much. My Ds was not a great sleeper on his own at this age either, but it did happen. I don't know what you are wanting time to do, but maybe you can find other ways to get there. For instance, I couldn't be on the computer if Ds napped upstairs, so he naps on the couch. He used to wake easily from noises, so I would tune the radio to "snow" and turn it up before he fell asleep, to give a "white noise" background & kind of soften other noises he might hear (that helped a lot)... When he was that age he really loved his exersaucer, so I could put him in that & set him in front of the mirror & he'd be pretty happy for maybe 20-30 mins a day - it didn't always work, but most of the time it did. I noticed you said that you are tired at the end of the day - too tired to do what you would like to do for your down time....perhaps if you just went with teh flow & napped when she did you would feel a little more energized at the end of the day & able to handle her end-of-day crankiness & when she was asleep you would have a little more pep to be able to do the stuff you would like to do....

I am just trying to help you sort out some options.... I do know I can whole heartedly tell you this WILL pass & she will sleep easier on her own sooner than later. Hang in there!
You just summed it perfectly up for me.

Those excersaucers sound great, unfortunatly havent seen anything resembling one in a shop here. We dont seem to have those big toys with gazillion little thingies on them, just smaller ones with fewer stuffs. She has pretty much outgrown her baby toys, I should get her more but I want to see what she gets for her birthday, in less than 3 weeks, first.

I was writing my post when you posted. Anyways I said in my other post that naps arent always convenient, they sometimes leave me more tired or headachy. I think that in the past i have fallen asleep about half the time I lay next to her. It's just that spring is in the air, I want to do do do not sleep sleep sleep.

I know this will pass, it'll get easier. Generally I think I am lucky, she is an easy baby. Once I figured that shared naps were the way things had to be I tried to look at them positively, have thought of it as our cuddle time.
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  #9  
April 15th, 2009, 05:36 PM
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  #10  
April 15th, 2009, 09:18 PM
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Have you always laid with her while she naps or has she more recently started complaining if you try to get up and leave the room?
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  #11  
April 16th, 2009, 12:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by andi2284 View Post
Have you always laid with her while she naps or has she more recently started complaining if you try to get up and leave the room?
The whole story is that when she was 2 months old we had to evacuate our home due to invasive renovation. She did great while we were gone (it was a cooler place and she was more comfortable I think). When we got back 3 weeks later she just screamed her head off. I think it was somehow too much for her to be moved twice within a month.

Since then she¨d wake up most of the time when I tried to sneak off. I figured that I had the option to lie with her or have a grumpy overtired baby. Before giving in I¨d try anything to sneak off, wait for signs for deep sleep and then take 20-30 mins slowly removing myself only to look around as I had climbed off the bed to see an awake baby. I'm guessing that with her dad putting her to sleep more in the past few months she has learned to accept the crib. If I can get her to fall asleep in there and stay asleep I should get my moment as I wont have to risk waking her up if i sneak off from her side. She still does wake, I use it when I need to wake her up early from her nap.

Actually my first post in the AP forum has to do with this
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  #12  
April 16th, 2009, 08:03 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fluga View Post
The whole story is that when she was 2 months old we had to evacuate our home due to invasive renovation. She did great while we were gone (it was a cooler place and she was more comfortable I think). When we got back 3 weeks later she just screamed her head off. I think it was somehow too much for her to be moved twice within a month.

Since then she¨d wake up most of the time when I tried to sneak off. I figured that I had the option to lie with her or have a grumpy overtired baby. Before giving in I¨d try anything to sneak off, wait for signs for deep sleep and then take 20-30 mins slowly removing myself only to look around as I had climbed off the bed to see an awake baby. I'm guessing that with her dad putting her to sleep more in the past few months she has learned to accept the crib. If I can get her to fall asleep in there and stay asleep I should get my moment as I wont have to risk waking her up if i sneak off from her side. She still does wake, I use it when I need to wake her up early from her nap.

Actually my first post in the AP forum has to do with this
I don't know that it's helpful - but I never sneak. I literally am kind of "firm" in my handling with Jonah when it comes to this...meaning, that when I get up & go ahead & get up. If I were to try & slip away gently - that ALWAYS seems to wake him. Maybe because I move around in my sleep & he is used to less gentle movements from me? I don't know. But if he is reasonably asleep, I just roll away & get up. I can easily say that he does sleep longer if I lay down with him - but that can be ridiculously long....like if i sleep with him & I don't wake myself, I have had him sleep 4 hrs at times...not always of course & that is a more recent development....but he seems to do fine (2 hrs) without me. I don't think he started sleeping 2 hrs at nap time though until closer to 15-18 months. It is so hard to remember though - I should have written this stuff down for reference. I don't think it was before a year though....
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #13  
April 16th, 2009, 09:13 AM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Billy only ever napped on his own a handful of times, ever. The last one was when we got Ian
On baby toys though, Ian and Billy each ahve disco lights that they love. They just watch the liughts go round and round on the ceiling. Ian also had a lamp that looks like an aquarium, but Billy has stolen it on him, and finally we have a real fish tank. Just anything with lights and colours.
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  #14  
April 17th, 2009, 02:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beck12 View Post
I don't know that it's helpful - but I never sneak. I literally am kind of "firm" in my handling with Jonah when it comes to this...meaning, that when I get up & go ahead & get up. If I were to try & slip away gently - that ALWAYS seems to wake him. Maybe because I move around in my sleep & he is used to less gentle movements from me? I don't know. But if he is reasonably asleep, I just roll away & get up. I can easily say that he does sleep longer if I lay down with him - but that can be ridiculously long....like if i sleep with him & I don't wake myself, I have had him sleep 4 hrs at times...not always of course & that is a more recent development....but he seems to do fine (2 hrs) without me. I don't think he started sleeping 2 hrs at nap time though until closer to 15-18 months. It is so hard to remember though - I should have written this stuff down for reference. I don't think it was before a year though....
Hmm I wonder if just leaving would work. Will have to babysafe the room properly before attempting though. Thing is that in the evening I have no problem leaving, never had. I also just get up and leave then.

Broxi, you must have the patience of a saint!
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  #15  
April 17th, 2009, 04:00 AM
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She slept by herself for an hour

I was so confused what to do with myself, and also sleepy so I went and slept in another room. I tried to put her down for 20 minutes but she didnt really want to so I let her play some more. Half an hour later she was sleepier and fell asleep in about 10 minutes. I held her for further 10 (remembered to take a book) and then carefully put her in her crib where she slept for that hour. I knew she was able to have the nap by herself and I'm so glad that I managed to get her there.
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