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Just apologising as we seem to have hijacked your post. I hope things are going better now but really wanted to add this.
On the "I hate you" bit I do beleive that emotions are just so overblown at this age that "I am angry" becomes "I hate you", it isnt meant its just they do not know how to express that rage right.
Havent you ever felt that way about DH? Well I have, I always love him but sometimes .......
And I know i reccomend my books on dealing with anger alot, but they are great. Still I'll start a new thread so others can add theirs.
She wont stay that way, they never do. On the plus side, I know alot of this behaviour is nerve wracking at the moment, but I can see potential good traits in it later.
As an adult being strong willed, refusing to take no for answer, etc.. can be assests.
And as a child, I do think the child who throws a few tantrums and shouts, says nasty things etc... is usually healthier and happier in the long run. Your child has spirit, that can be good thing, but take it as a credit to your parenting that you have not suppressed that spirit, and she is secure enough in your love for her to express her darker emotions towards you.
By being the sounding board you help her learn to deal with these emotions. I would just always tell her you love her each time she says it.