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Eleven commandments for Balance and Boundaries


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
April 21st, 2009, 04:44 AM
mamatomaica's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Something that alot of us struggle with so i thought i'd post this:

Eleven commandments for Balance and boundaries

thou shalt take care of thyself
thou shalt honour thy husband with his share of the attachment parenting
thou shalt surround thyself with helpful and supportive friends
thou shalt have help at home
thou shalt get to know thy baby
thou shalt give children what they need NOT what they want
thou shalt sleep when baby sleeps
thou shalt groom and adorn thyself
thou shalt heal thy past
thou shalt realize thou art not perfect.

i just bought the attachment parenting book br dr sears.FABULOUS!
xxx
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  #2  
April 21st, 2009, 05:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amelie View Post
thou shalt give children what they need NOT what they want
Hmmm... this is the only one that raised an eyebrow from me. I just feel sometimes we minimize children's wants and don't see that we ALL want things and we all place importance on our own wants and can overlook the importance of others' - especialls children's. Not that any of us get what we want all the time - we have reasonable limits, I just don't see the purpose for the latter half of that commandment.
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  #3  
April 21st, 2009, 05:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilah View Post
Hmmm... this is the only one that raised an eyebrow from me. I just feel sometimes we minimize children's wants and don't see that we ALL want things and we all place importance on our own wants and can overlook the importance of others' - especialls children's. Not that any of us get what we want all the time - we have reasonable limits, I just don't see the purpose for the latter half of that commandment.
I think you're right, its about balance there too. I remember reading somewhere that if you genuinely enjoy giving them something that they want, its good and fine,but when you feel pressured into doing it then its not good to.

also I think these might work a bit better in context when you read the chapter of the book.
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  #4  
April 22nd, 2009, 12:15 PM
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I think it is brilliant for those like me who need reminders on HOW to balance. It is one thing to tell me I need balance & boundaries & quite another for me to be able to articulate & envision what that means & how to put it into practice.

I think the thing on wants & needs boils down to this....
As AP mommas I think we are pretty good at determining the difference. We see crying as a need to be answered sort of thing... We understand that the desire to be held can very much be a need.... I personally see the want thing as something like my 2 yr old who believes he needs to take every shower with me. While I am willing to work with this 90% of the time, sometimes I just need to shower alone & if he has someone else to pay attention to him & play with him & cuddle him while I shower, I need to give myself permission to just go ahead & shower alone at times....just because I need that few moments of adult space. According to my Ds - he "needs candy for his teeth" (yes this is literally what he has been telling me since his little Easter bonanza with his cousins). Now that is an obvious want rather than need - as no two year needs candy - much less for their teeth.
What is harder to determine are those more subtle things. I try to meet his needs as much as I can...I even try to meet some wants when reasonable & possible. I hate for him to be disappointed & I try to walk him through dealing with those feelings...and validate that it hurts sometimes to not get what we want. Heck sometimes it still hurts for me.

So anyway - I can see it being negative if you were talking about it in a TP sort of sense...but I can see that within AP it is still important to understand that it isn't possible to meet ever want & we don't have to feel guilty or bad for not being able to.
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
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Last edited by beck12; April 22nd, 2009 at 12:27 PM.
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  #5  
April 22nd, 2009, 05:45 PM
mommabirdof4
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I really like that book also...I just re-read it and am now reading The Successful Child by Dr. sears.
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