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Do you ever have times where you don't feel connected


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
April 24th, 2009, 12:08 AM
Miracle's Avatar ♥ Melissa ♥
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To your child?
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  #2  
April 24th, 2009, 03:24 AM
mamatomaica's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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In the beginning alot, i think i had some PPD going on and up until she hit about nine months i felt a huge gap between us, like there was something missing it was horrible but i was too afraid to say anything about it to anyone because as far as everyone knew i was doing great and was a good mummy... i didnt feel like it at all because of this 'gap' between us.

now that gap is long gone, sometimes i'm bad at reading her cues (i've never been good at it to be honest!) but i no longer feel like i did before. we have a brilliant bond now.
i hope you're doing okay, don't be afraid to talk about it so we can help you as much as we can.
xxxx
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  #3  
April 24th, 2009, 05:26 AM
Gina1978's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I bonded the moment I layed my eyes on Noelia,but a couple of weeks in,I started to feel disconected.She was a VERY needy NB,she had colic and shed scream most of the day and then alot of the night.I couldent go out because of her constant screaming,and no amount of stroller or car rides would calm her down.
Some nights,Id feel almost angry at her,because I was EXSAUSTED and I had no idea how she could scream for such long stretches.
Id sit/lay and hold her and beg her to stop,and all of that,plus the exsaution,the not being able to eat,shower,leave the house etc,made me feel disconected and totally desperate..infact,on some days,I was sure that if someone left the front door open,Id run for the hills and never come back.I dont think Ive cried that much in a long time.

After a few months,I decided to get some advice and it turns out I have PPD which I am still on treatment for.I should be given the ok to wean off of the pills within the next couple of months to see how it goes..Im confident that I wont go back to feeling the way I did at the beggining,because the situation isnt the same kwim?
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  #4  
April 24th, 2009, 07:12 AM
mommabirdof4
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Sometimes I feel like that when I can't seem to read him.

I think everyone does at times because well...we aren't perfect. I make mistakes and then I feel horriable about them but I know that all my son needs and wants from me is for me to do my best. Also I try to learn from the mistakes.
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  #5  
April 24th, 2009, 07:40 AM
(.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nktigger99 View Post
Sometimes I feel like that when I can't seem to read him.

I think everyone does at times because well...we aren't perfect. I make mistakes and then I feel horriable about them but I know that all my son needs and wants from me is for me to do my best. Also I try to learn from the mistakes.
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  #6  
April 24th, 2009, 12:11 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Heck sometimes I feel disconnected from myself. It can be easy to do & when we are overwhelmed, unsupported, exhausted....it is easy to end up on autopilot without even realizing it has happened. All we can do is try to stay connect, get reconnected & plug in as often as possible I suppose.

What is hardest for me right now is staying truly connected with Dh - between both of our busy schedules, responsibilities, etc...it isn't always easy to feel really connected on a regular basis. We have good moments & we overall get along fine, but we both need to work on plugging in a little more - like making eye contact when we talk - even if it just to ask him to grab me a drink when he goes to the fridge...... I can stop what I am engaged in with Jonah or whatever & at least look at him. We both recognized recently that this is an issue & we are working on it, although we are from from mastering this. We have set up some bad habits & old habits die hard sometimes.
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #7  
April 24th, 2009, 03:15 PM
KatiesGirls
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When we lost BF with Julie when she was around 6 months, I felt really disconnected from her. I can't really elaborate, I think I blocked out most of that time because it was so traumatizing.

I also felt disconnected from Julie after Kaylee was born, and I felt so scared and ashamed. Thankfully it only took a few weeks to feel like her mommy again and I was able to reconnect with her in a new way. It was a strange transition watching her go from my baby, to being our big girl.
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  #8  
April 24th, 2009, 03:24 PM
blondie-lox's Avatar Do NOT feed the Troll
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Sometimes I feel disconnected from Phoenix, but this only happened since I had Lincoln. I hate it. She is my sunshine on a cloudy day but I'm usually exhausted when the day is done with Lincoln. I feel I have to force myself almost to spend one on one with her, but when I do I feel great and I love her that much more. I feel guilty admitting this.
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  #9  
April 24th, 2009, 03:31 PM
KatiesGirls
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blondie-lox View Post
Sometimes I feel disconnected from Phoenix, but this only happened since I had Lincoln. I hate it. She is my sunshine on a cloudy day but I'm usually exhausted when the day is done with Lincoln. I feel I have to force myself almost to spend one on one with her, but when I do I feel great and I love her that much more. I feel guilty admitting this.


I know EXACTLY how you feel.
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  #10  
April 24th, 2009, 03:55 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Michigan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blondie-lox View Post
Sometimes I feel disconnected from Phoenix, but this only happened since I had Lincoln. I hate it. She is my sunshine on a cloudy day but I'm usually exhausted when the day is done with Lincoln. I feel I have to force myself almost to spend one on one with her, but when I do I feel great and I love her that much more. I feel guilty admitting this.
Maybe reframe it & instead of feeling guilty - feel liberated that you don't have to feel ashamed for your feelings! I think what makes us feel guilty many times is the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves....if I am not disappointed in you as another momma ... then why should YOU be so disappointed in yourself??? You should be more loving to you than I am for sure! FWIW I think you do a great job with your kiddos - you come across very human & down to earth & lving in every way you express your feelings about them & motherhood. If that is any indication of the kind of momma you are, then I think you have NOTHING to feel guilty about...
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B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #11  
April 24th, 2009, 06:05 PM
Tofu Bacon
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I think every mom has these moments! I'm reading the most fascinating book right now called "The Myths of Motherhood" and it touches on this subject alot.
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