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Going against the grain


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  #1  
April 26th, 2009, 12:51 AM
Miracle's Avatar ♥ Melissa ♥
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It seems like a lot of aspects of AP are going against the grain. Do you feel like you are always having to explain your reasons to everyone about why you do what you do? What are some things people seem to have a problem with? Does it bother you at all?
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  #2  
April 26th, 2009, 02:59 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well I think we have just been so cultured to believe certain things that it does get a little annoying some of the comments...but I think now I can deflect it fine. I tend to have a nature where I think if I just explain it people will understand...LOL...I think I am getting over that quickly with parenting.

The biggest two people seem to have a hard time digesting is the co-sleeping & the nursing, both of which they are sure are killing my marriage... whatever. They clearly don't know us then.
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  #3  
April 26th, 2009, 08:32 AM
(.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miracle View Post
It seems like a lot of aspects of AP are going against the grain. Do you feel like you are always having to explain your reasons to everyone about why you do what you do? What are some things people seem to have a problem with? Does it bother you at all?
I think it's funny but because we do have to "justify" our choices, I hope the thread Handling criticism (Handling Criticism) helps our members.
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  #4  
April 26th, 2009, 09:32 AM
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I haven't felt that way too often. Usually it is just the co-sleeping I have to defend. I am sure as he gets older I will feel like I have to defend my parenting more often...but I am ready! It's my life and my kid....and I am not a quiet person.
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  #5  
April 26th, 2009, 11:14 AM
MommaNator's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have had to defend co-sleeping, rocking to sleep, having DD ride rear-facing in the car, and even disciplining gently It is such a shame that others feels entitled to tell people how to raise their children.
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  #6  
April 26th, 2009, 11:17 AM
KatiesGirls
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Our family and friends pretty much know how we roll and they seem to all be cool with it these days. It was difficult when we were just starting out as a new couple *and* new parents a year later. Everyone wanted to give advice and know how we were doing everything. I felt like a broken record with the same raised eyebrow questions we would get.

Only my sister has asked me questions this time around but that's more because we talk about everything and she was genuinely curious.

How are things going for you Melissa? Are you getting a lot of prying questions?
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  #7  
April 26th, 2009, 02:09 PM
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Anytime I.m talking about the co-sleeping, I feel I need to follow it up with "I know its probably not a good idea but....", I keep telling myself to stop doing it, all I know is my dd seems super happy and I wouldn't change a thing
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  #8  
April 26th, 2009, 03:07 PM
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At this point I have to defend my co sleeping the most, and that I EBF at 8 months. I am always being told that I am going to have a hard time getting Lincoln out of our bed and getting him off the boob. I don't understand why people care anyways, it's not their kid and it isn't their problem.
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  #9  
April 26th, 2009, 03:37 PM
KatiesGirls
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2preemie View Post
Anytime I.m talking about the co-sleeping, I feel I need to follow it up with "I know its probably not a good idea but....", I keep telling myself to stop doing it, all I know is my dd seems super happy and I wouldn't change a thing


You are doing yourself and your baby a GREAT service by listening to your instincts!! Here is a site that I think explains all of the benefits of co-sleeping really well. I hope you can read it and find comfort and confidence in your decisions! Michelle also made an awesome thread all about bed sharing and co-sleeping and you can find it here (Bed Sharing 101).
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  #10  
April 26th, 2009, 04:53 PM
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I don't feel like I have to defend anything. Everyone knows how I am and how I parent, and after 4 children, they've learned to just accept it and keep their mouths shut. I do get smart a $$ remarks about BFing and co-sleeping, but nothing that I need to defend.
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  #11  
April 26th, 2009, 07:36 PM
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I try not to feel like I have to defend any of my choices, but there are times I face some criticism and I find myself making excuses.
I get a lot of comments about breastfeeding, mostly breastfeeding a toddler. I also get some comments about co-sleeping or holding/wearing Anna a lot. Most of it doesn't bother me, but occasionally I do let it get to me, because I hate when people can't see things the same way I do.
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  #12  
April 27th, 2009, 12:58 AM
Miracle's Avatar ♥ Melissa ♥
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FranksGirls View Post
Our family and friends pretty much know how we roll and they seem to all be cool with it these days. It was difficult when we were just starting out as a new couple *and* new parents a year later. Everyone wanted to give advice and know how we were doing everything. I felt like a broken record with the same raised eyebrow questions we would get.

Only my sister has asked me questions this time around but that's more because we talk about everything and she was genuinely curious.

How are things going for you Melissa? Are you getting a lot of prying questions?
Yes! It seems like everyone I talk to has advice on how to be a "better" parent. It's really annoying.
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  #13  
April 27th, 2009, 01:53 AM
KatiesGirls
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It does get easier over time! Hang in there. They will leave you alone eventually.
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  #14  
April 27th, 2009, 01:07 PM
Effervescence's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Against the grain?? Nah, we're perfectly normal over here!
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  #15  
April 27th, 2009, 07:48 PM
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If someone asks me a question about why I parent the way I do (EBF'ing, co-sleeping), I feel that they are generally asking to because they are curious, then I will try to explain and educate them on why we do what we do.

If I feel they are being rude/smart a@@ or seeming to thumb their nose at what we do...I usually have some blistering comments.

I worked p/t once in a children's clothing store to get the discounts and I had one of the ladies there say that my child is too old to be bf'ing (he was a year and half) and that I should put him on cows milk as it's better for him. I just answered that cows milk was made for cows, why would it be better for my child than mommies milk? She thought about it for a second and never mentioned it again.
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  #16  
April 27th, 2009, 07:48 PM
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Wow - double post
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Last edited by Isca; April 27th, 2009 at 07:49 PM. Reason: double post
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  #17  
April 27th, 2009, 08:03 PM
Effervescence's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Isca View Post
I just answered that cows milk was made for cows, why would it be better for my child than mommies milk? She thought about it for a second and never mentioned it again.
The old me used to say that at one year children should be given cow's milk because it's better for them. The old me was pretty ignorant. Someone here on JM, on the debate boards said the same exact thing to me and it really stuck. Look at me today LOL I say that exact same thing to mommies now, an it is usually the one phrase that at least gets them to consider breastfeeding.

I just thought I'd share that story. Keep telling people that because it really does make them think!!! Sorry to go off topic
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  #18  
April 27th, 2009, 08:56 PM
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I get some comments about co-sleeping but that's it. Oh, my SIL said I was spoiling Lily the other day because I was holding her while she slept instead of putting her down. But we were at SIL's house and it wasn't baby proofed well. And if Lily woke up from wherever I put her then she'd just start crawling to find me and I didn't want her finding something on the floor or whatever.
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  #19  
April 28th, 2009, 06:18 AM
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We got it a lot the first year, but it lessened a lot after that-- The co-sleeping ("how on earth do you sleep?", "Is your husband OK with it?!"), babywearing (the "surely that hurts your back!"), the works. You learn to just smile and say IT WORKS FOR US!
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  #20  
April 28th, 2009, 10:52 PM
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All the time. I am constantly hearing: (*them-referring to any one of my kids)
-you'll never get them out of your bed
-you hold them too much
-you need to let that baby cry it's good for them
-you'll spoil them
-isn't it about time for real milk?
-you need to spank his butt (my 1 year old - ummm yeah right)

the list goes on. I don't even defend myself anymore - I just get rude and say 'who asked you'. I'm so sick of it.
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