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Avoiding long periods of separation


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
April 27th, 2009, 03:50 PM
KatiesGirls
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How do you all do with this aspect of AP? If you're a working mommy, what kind of care is your child(ren) in while you are away? Are the caregivers aware and respectful of your style of parenting?
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  #2  
April 27th, 2009, 05:47 PM
KimberlyD0
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My kids go to daycare. A center based one. (At the YMCA) its a subsidised program, our share is $125 a month.

They are respectful as the can be. I don't expect them to do everything 100% the way I do it. I expect she will have some times where she's going to be crying and has to wait, after all there are 3 infants per 1 adult. (Each has 2 between 12-18 months and 1 under 12 to make it a little easier for the ones who need more care) As long as they respond in reasonable time and are not leaving her for hours it doesn't bother me. I know she is safe.

I don't expect them to hold her all the time either. In fact I prefer that they don't because of her condition, she needs the floor time. I have seen them struggles with children who are used to being held 24/7 and then cry the entire day because they can't be held (they have no choice saddly) so I made sure Karrigan was used to floor time and other people before she started. (Kayla too) worked well. Both transitioned it really easily with 0 fuss. It was not tramatic for either of them.

They are pretty respectful in terms of feeding too. They use EBM and in the amounts I have set out as well as helping with solids. She eats normal table foods to its easy for them, they just make it small and put it on the tray.

Karrigan is a very laid back easy to deal with kid so there is rarely ever issues. Sometimes they've felt guilty because she wakes up and plays so quietly in the crib that they don't realise she is awake, I told them she does at home too. (its a seperate room with a door for the beds, but they have monitors.)

Kayla has been in daycare since 15 months and is just used to it now. She runs off when we get there with a quick, "BYE MOM I LOVE YOU" LOL

I've been pretty happy with the daycare. They take great care of my kids. My kids are both happy and thriving. It makes having to work easier because I don't have to worry about the kids at all.

Oh and if they get hurt, even something minor, they always let me know what happend. They constantly work with me and the lines of communication are wide open.
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  #3  
April 27th, 2009, 06:45 PM
kristen121's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am a working mom as well. I am a nurse, so I work all hours. When I work evenings/weekends when DH is not at work he watches her. At the time when both DH and I are both at work, my mom watches her. My mom runs a home daycare. Emma loves being around the other kids at daycare. My mom has another baby she takes care of that is 2 months older than Emma. They love to stare at each other!

My mom respects my parenting choices and I trust her completely to take great care of Emma.
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  #4  
April 27th, 2009, 07:14 PM
KatiesGirls
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kristen121 View Post
I am a working mom as well. I am a nurse, so I work all hours. When I work evenings/weekends when DH is not at work he watches her. At the time when both DH and I are both at work, my mom watches her. My mom runs a home daycare. Emma loves being around the other kids at daycare. My mom has another baby she takes care of that is 2 months older than Emma. They love to stare at each other!

My mom respects my parenting choices and I trust her completely to take great care of Emma.
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  #5  
April 28th, 2009, 06:23 AM
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I'm a SAHM. Until January, my son had only been with family, and then even then for only very brief periods of time (minus one night, he was with his grandparents, and DH and I were on our honeymoon!). In January DH was in Tech School for the Air Force, and I had to have oral surgery, so Caiden went to a daycare through the base that my friend reccomended. He was there 7 hours, and I guess he did great. I had a hard time with it though, much more so than the surgery I was worried about him! I was a wreck, because I was so worried about what if his asthma flared up, or she accidentally gave him something with milk or lactose and he had an allergic reaction? I was just a nervous wreck. But she did great with him (and even wrote down every detail about his day from what he ate, to funny things that were said!) and I felt like she was a good pick.

Now, since we moved to Denver though, I haven't had a sitter. So no alone time in, oh, over 4 months! I guess you don't miss it though. Caiden comes with us everywhere and we enjoy it that way! Going out to dinner without him would be weird!

I'm a SAHM. Until January, my son had only been with family, and then even then for only very brief periods of time (minus one night, he was with his grandparents, and DH and I were on our honeymoon!). In January DH was in Tech School for the Air Force, and I had to have oral surgery, so Caiden went to a daycare through the base that my friend reccomended. He was there 7 hours, and I guess he did great. I had a hard time with it though, much more so than the surgery I was worried about him! I was a wreck, because I was so worried about what if his asthma flared up, or she accidentally gave him something with milk or lactose and he had an allergic reaction? I was just a nervous wreck. But she did great with him (and even wrote down every detail about his day from what he ate, to funny things that were said!) and I felt like she was a good pick.

Now, since we moved to Denver though, I haven't had a sitter. So no alone time in, oh, over 4 months! I guess you don't miss it though. Caiden comes with us everywhere and we enjoy it that way! Going out to dinner without him would be weird!
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  #6  
April 28th, 2009, 06:45 AM
Nekinna2402's Avatar Anniken <3 Tanja
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well... SAHM for now
soon starting school so that will be the longest i have ever been away from her, she's almost 16months now and i have never left her to do anything for me
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  #7  
April 28th, 2009, 10:09 AM
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I'm a SAHM and I am ALWAYS with my kids. When Lincoln was about 5 months I had to go out of town for a work conference (I'm a realtor when I'm working and I had to be there even though I'm not currently working) and I was away overnight. I was away from Lincoln for 24hrs. I had pumped 24hrs work of milk for my mom (who watched him) and I pumped while I was away every 2-3hrs (even at night) so it wouldn't effect my supply. My mom was wonderful while I was gone, she co slept with Lincoln, fed him on demand, used cloth diapers and no CIO. She did everything I do to help keep Lincoln in his routine. Other than that one time the longest I've been away from Lincoln is 6hrs and that was only once, and usually the longest I'm away from him now is about 2-3hrs (so he doesn't miss a nursing session). My mom or DH is usually the one to watch him and they are both on board with AP.
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  #8  
April 28th, 2009, 10:21 AM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Like Kristin my mom also runs an inhome daycare (how lucky are we!). So she keeps my children while I work. She is very respectful of my parenting as she is where I learned it from. I pump milk for DS to take while he is at grandma's house. The one thing she had trouble with is sleep training. She is understanding about Scott sleeping when he wants but does make Kaylie (my 3yo) lay down when the other children do after lunch. But DD has her own room at grandma's ( ) so she usally just plays or reads books as her little body does not take a nap until around 1-2pm...that is just her.

DH and I have arranged our work shedules so that I work from 7am-3:30pm and he works from 9am-7pm so our kids spend the least amount of time at daycare. He drops off at 8:30 and I pick up by 4:30.

Other than daycare DH and I believe that if the children can not go out with us we generally don't go. There will be plently of time when the kids are older that we can go out but for now they need our time. We do go to company christmas parties and anniversary dinners were it is just the two of us but we keep the time away from the kids down to a minimum...2 hours at most and that is once in a bluemoon. And when we do go out we leave the kids with either my parents or his mom.

Our children have been taken to museums, resturants, movies, etc. since they were infants so they know how to behave and we don't even think twice about taking them with us. However they are children so if Scott fussies I take him on a walk to calm him down. Or if Kaylie gets to wiggly we leave. But in general we tend to stick to family activities...zoo...park...kid friendly resturants...it is just more fun for all of us that way

Kaylie does like to have sleepovers at my mom's house and we do let her every couple of weeks. It is not b/c we need time away from her or b/c we are dumping our kid on my mom so we can party. It is b/c my mom and Kaylie have a very close relationship and truly enjoy the specail time that they spend together. My mom often asks for Kaylie to spend the night b/c she wants to do special things with her like garden or camp out in the back yard She has also said that she can't wait until Scott is old enough to spend the night too. But my rule of thumb is that the kiddo has to be able to ask to spend the night before I feel they are old enough...I think Kaylie was 2.
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  #9  
April 28th, 2009, 01:04 PM
Resi's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I work M-F, 40 hrs per week. It's hard because I would LOVE to stay at home with Oliver. I do feel fortune to have my wonderful husband with Oliver 3 days and my Mom 2 days. I trust them 100%. My Mom is only against the co-sleeping but she doesn't try to push me out of it. She just thinks he needs to be in his own bed at night. My DH is the one who does most of the baby wearing. He is soo good with him.
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  #10  
April 28th, 2009, 01:25 PM
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I'm a SAHM and don't plan on going back to work unless our circumstances change. So far the only people who have watched Brayden have been family - my parents, my grandmother, and my MIL. The longest I've been away from him was 3-4 hours. Everyone has been great though and generally supportive of our parenting choices, which has been surprising. I do trust them 100% with him and he really enjoys being with them too.

So far I haven't had anything come up where I've needed to be away from him any longer than that. It's actually a big concern of mine - we don't live near our family and don't have a "contingency plan" in case something does come up, there's no one here nearby we really can trust with our child.
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  #11  
April 29th, 2009, 08:33 AM
mommabirdof4
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The longest I have been away from my son is 4 hours and he was with Daddy at the time.

We have only left him once in almost 11 months...that was to go to a movie and he was with my DH grandmother. He didn't do well at all. we were gone for 2 hours and he cried a lot of the time and was very fussy and wouldn't sleep for her....he was tired but he fights sleep even with us. I worried the whole time and didn't enjoy the movie.

We do everything with him...If we can't take him with us to do something we think about the activity and it usually something we don't want to do anyway. I have my 10yr high school reunion coming up this summer and I don't think we will go...I don't see leaving lil Jimmy yet and The baby will only be a month and a half or so old. They said it was a no kids allowed thing.

People ask us all the time who will be watching lil Jimmy when lil Sister comes...I am like us...lol He will be coming along to the hosptial with us and staying with us the whole time. My dad should be able to come up while I am pushing hopefully to sit with him but other then that he will just be with us. I am like why does he have to go somewhere else????
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  #12  
April 29th, 2009, 09:15 AM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Originally Posted by nktigger99 View Post
People ask us all the time who will be watching lil Jimmy when lil Sister comes...I am like us...lol He will be coming along to the hosptial with us and staying with us the whole time. My dad should be able to come up while I am pushing hopefully to sit with him but other then that he will just be with us. I am like why does he have to go somewhere else????
Our DD stayed at the hospital with us too when I had DS last summer. She hung out in my room and watched movies while I labored. I did take an epi when my contractions started to scare her.

When I was pushing she hung out with the grandparents in the wating room. Then came back in right after he was born and I was back in the leg down position She was the 1st person (other than me and DH) to meet the baby.

She even spent the night at the hospital with me, DH, and the baby on the 2nd night. I delievered at 11:13pm (after 15 hours od labor) so she went home with Daddy the 1st night so I could rest and bond with the baby. And so she could get some sleep without 20 nurses coming in every hour waking her up when they checked on me.

It was such a lovely experience! And she is so close to her little brother. And even now she says "mommy, when I have my babies will you come have a sleepover at the hospital with me like I did when bubs was born?" And she is not even 4 yet

I hope your little guy does as well and enjoys it as much as my DD did.
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  #13  
April 29th, 2009, 09:27 AM
blondie-lox's Avatar Do NOT feed the Troll
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Originally Posted by *TheyCallMeMommy* View Post
Our DD stayed at the hospital with us too when I had DS last summer. She hung out in my room and watched movies while I labored. I did take an epi when my contractions started to scare her.

When I was pushing she hung out with the grandparents in the wating room. Then came back in right after he was born and I was back in the leg down position She was the 1st person (other than me and DH) to meet the baby.

She even spent the night at the hospital with me, DH, and the baby on the 2nd night. I delievered at 11:13pm (after 15 hours od labor) so she went home with Daddy the 1st night so I could rest and bond with the baby. And so she could get some sleep without 20 nurses coming in every hour waking her up when they checked on me.

It was such a lovely experience! And she is so close to her little brother. And even now she says "mommy, when I have my babies will you come have a sleepover at the hospital with me like I did when bubs was born?" And she is not even 4 yet

I hope your little guy does as well and enjoys it as much as my DD did.
Awe Nikki, I didn't know Kaylie was there when you had Scott!
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  #14  
April 29th, 2009, 10:02 AM
lmarie13's Avatar Super Mommy
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I was working full time. I worked night shift though so that I could be here for them during the day. My husband took care of them at night and then for 3 hours in the morning so I could get some sleep. He does everything the same as I would. :-)

I just quit my job a couple of weeks ago and I'm finally a SAHM and May 11th I start nursing school. But we have everything arranged so that they will be with either my husband or my in-laws.

The first time I was ever away from Ava was when we had Noah. Then it ended up being a lot of time away since he was in the NICU. She stayed with my in-laws and she did great. She really bonded with them. She is very very very shy and up until then didn't want anything to do with anyone else but James or I. now she is really attached to my husband's parents.

It can get stressful though, not having anyone you trust or can rely on close by. My in-laws live 2 hours away. Early Monday morning I had a gall bladder attack and had to go to the ER. I waited it out as long as I could b/c I didn't know what to do with my babies. I didn't want to wake them up and take them with us, they were sleeping so soundly. So when I just couldn't take it anymore I called my mom and she came over at 5am and sat with them. Thankfully I was only there for a couple of hours. When I got home Ava had just woken up and was so incredibly scared and upset it took me a very long time to calm her down and comfort her. :-( I felt awful. Even now I should go back b/c I'm showing the signs they told me to watch for in case it was appendicitis or something, but I told my husband I would wait it out again and if I have to go back in the middle of the night when they are asleep and wont' notice.

I'm a little fantical and crazy about leaving my kids I know. Maybe a little more than some moms. But its how I feel and I can't change it KWIM?
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