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Shyness?


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
April 29th, 2009, 09:08 AM
lmarie13's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 622
My Ava is very...well almost ridiculously shy. She hides her face and most of the time cries when people she doesn't know look at her. Even when people she does know sometimes. Like my parents--she sees my dad all the time and it still freaks her out when he comes over. She buries her head and cries. She does okay with my husband's parents--after she has awhile to warm up.

But other people, strangers. It is really bad. She is so fearful. I feel so badly for her, she get so worked up it can be difficult to calm her down.

People have been making comments lately about I should put her in daycare or something. But that is out of the question. (no offense. it just is for us.)

What other things can I do to help her feel better around people? Do you have a little one who is shy?

Lisa
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  #2  
April 29th, 2009, 09:24 AM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Texas
Posts: 12,388
My DD went through a shy stage at about 2yo. One thing I found helpful was whenever we would greet someone (stranger or not) I would hold her and make sure I hugged whoever and made the greeting friendly. My thought was if Kaylie saw that Mommy was friendly with the person they must be nice. And since I was holding her it made Kaylie feel safe.

It seemed to work b/c she would slowly warm up to whoever it was we were around.

As for the suggestion about daycare...I understand that it is not for you...but what about maybe joining a play group were you both meet with Mom's and kids once a week or so. That way you are still with your DD but she is given the benifit of socializing with kids her age that she will be able to build a relationship with since she will see them weekly. And a bonus is you get to hangout with other moms and get a little bit on me time with your LO's still plainly in view
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  #3  
April 29th, 2009, 11:35 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 904
Yeah BTDT..... It may likely be part of her personality to be hesitant and look before she leaps socially, but I can assure you with a Mom like you, that takes such care and has such respect for your DD, that she will gradually grow out the scary part of shyness and with your help find her comfort range for social situations.

For us daycare is not an option either, but we do go to music class, swimming and playgroup each once a week since she was 12 months. She would need to sit on our laps and participated only after many many weeks/months. We never forced her to get actively involved, just followed her lead and over the last few months (She's 31 months) she has really been so much happier and at ease in social situations.

As far as Family, yeah , she cried for them too or was terribly standoffish...what helped us was that we live quite far from family so when we do go see them we do sleep overs with everyone in turn and if she is getting overwhelmed (I have 9 siblings and 12 nieces and nephews under 7 yrs old)I just take her out side or shut us in a room for "relax" time.

I love love love the Music Together music program, if run correctly they are for each child/parent to be involved to their comfort level...no forced participation.
Role play with toys and dolls being friends together is a great tool also.
Spending some time with one or two little kids she really seems to enjoy will help her find her own comfort level.
Above all don't worry and keep respecting your daughter!!!!
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  #4  
April 29th, 2009, 11:42 AM
KatiesGirls
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Posts: n/a
I don't have any btdt advice but wanted to say how beautiful your babies are! I hope she comes out of her shell for you soon!!!
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  #5  
April 29th, 2009, 11:45 AM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: belfast, northern ireland
Posts: 1,563
My DD was terrified of men at that age.
I think it does help to hold them when they meet people, for a few minutes anyway. Also for the person they are meeting not to pay to much attention to them, just let the child approach in their own time. My uncle and dd ened up quite close, but at first he stayed on teh opposite side of the room, saying hello if she looked his way but not approaching. He brought a few small gifts and would show them too her set them down and walk away. In a few days she was completely warmed up to him.
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  #6  
April 29th, 2009, 01:07 PM
mamatomaica's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: west sussex, england
Posts: 5,686
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ditto broxi...
i think theres a chapter on this in 'raising your spirited child' can anyone confirm this?
its important not to use the word shy as a label so as to not condition it into her that 'i'm just shy' and explain to people that 'shes just learning' instead, give her time and let her warm up to people in her own pace.
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