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"Sometimes babies just need to cry"


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
May 1st, 2009, 03:02 PM
KatiesGirls
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What do you think of this statement?
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  #2  
May 1st, 2009, 03:11 PM
mamatomaica's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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IF they do 'need' to cry, they don't need to do it alone!
xx
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  #3  
May 1st, 2009, 03:21 PM
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I think there is a big difference between this statement and CIO. Brayden was a challenging boy for the first 3 months (I don't know if it was colic or his reflux or what), more often than not he'd cry for hours no matter what we did. But you know what, sometimes at the end of it he would just stop out of nowhere and drift off to sleep. Whether he "needed" it or not I don't know.
I also look at it this way, I know there are times when I'm going through things and I just need a good cry to let it all out - afterward I feel like I can regroup and go on. I think babies are the same, they have the same emotions even if they can't say "hey I need to go have a good cry, be back in 15". If you've done everything you can (fed, changed, rocked, entertained, etc.) and a baby is still crying, sometimes all you can do is comfort them and let them cry, maybe that really is all they need to feel better. But in my experience it seems the people saying "babies just need to cry" are often the same ones advocating CIO and they don't mean it in the context that I just explained, though.
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Last edited by oriel13; May 1st, 2009 at 03:21 PM. Reason: dp
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  #4  
May 1st, 2009, 03:46 PM
~Nik*Re~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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^^ I agree 100%
DD was also very challenging for the first few months. No matter what I did she would just cry, cry, cry. Of course I comforted her as much as I could, and I NEVER let her do it alone, or even put her down when she was doing it.
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  #5  
May 1st, 2009, 04:46 PM
KimberlyD0
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I would say it depends on the baby. Mine needed to cry for many different reasons. I just don't think they needed to be left alone for it.

So in a way Yes babies do need to cry for whatever reason.

I never believed that before I had Kayla who was super colicy.
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  #6  
May 1st, 2009, 05:43 PM
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I think sometimes baby do need to cry, for whatever reason. Maybe they just need to get out energy like some say. I don't think that's a reason not to try and comfort them though.
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  #7  
May 1st, 2009, 07:28 PM
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I agree that babies need to cry, perhaps, but never alone. Anastasia had colic and reflux as a newborn. She's cry for hours straight, and Chris or I held her the entire time. We knew that no matter what we did she would cry, but we'd be ****** if she wasn't feeling some form of comfort during that time period.
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  #8  
May 2nd, 2009, 03:08 AM
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Yea some babies definatly need to cry. They should be entitled to comfort while doing so. I think there is something referred to as 'crying in arms', when a baby just cries but in the arms of a caregiver.
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  #9  
May 2nd, 2009, 05:07 AM
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Well I think doctors tend to jsut use this statement too casually. And diagnose colic, reflux etc... With Billy I was just told it was colic and reflux and that abies normally spent several hours a day crying. Finally one of dd's boyfriends relatives stopped me on the street and told me she thought they were putting salt in his formula as the boyfriend had done this with younger siblings ( he took some supplemental bottles due to some problems I had early on, usually one a day. Well we never found salt but did find rotten mayo being put in his bottles, no wonder he was so ill, projectile vomiting etc... but only on weekends. I made sure to keep all bottles, formula etc locked up after that but he went off bottles anyway and dd moved out shortly after, he was never ill again.
Still if the doctors hadnt assured me this was completely normal I might have found out sooner. I have known other cases where the mother felt something was reallyu wrong and dr.'s put it down to babies needing to cry etc... I wish they would go more with a mothers instincts.
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  #10  
May 2nd, 2009, 08:11 PM
HS&Fsmom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amelie View Post
IF they do 'need' to cry, they don't need to do it alone!
xx
I agree with this... whenever Hugo cries, there is always a caring adult with him to help him through whatever it is! I think people who say this use it as justification for leaving their babies alone to cry. Big difference in crying alone and crying to a trusted adult (ie as during toddler tantrums or getting hurt).
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  #11  
May 2nd, 2009, 08:56 PM
KatiesGirls
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Quote:
Originally Posted by broxi3781 View Post
Well I think doctors tend to jsut use this statement too casually. And diagnose colic, reflux etc... With Billy I was just told it was colic and reflux and that abies normally spent several hours a day crying. Finally one of dd's boyfriends relatives stopped me on the street and told me she thought they were putting salt in his formula as the boyfriend had done this with younger siblings ( he took some supplemental bottles due to some problems I had early on, usually one a day. Well we never found salt but did find rotten mayo being put in his bottles, no wonder he was so ill, projectile vomiting etc... but only on weekends. I made sure to keep all bottles, formula etc locked up after that but he went off bottles anyway and dd moved out shortly after, he was never ill again.
Still if the doctors hadnt assured me this was completely normal I might have found out sooner. I have known other cases where the mother felt something was reallyu wrong and dr.'s put it down to babies needing to cry etc... I wish they would go more with a mothers instincts.
WHO would DO that?!?!
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  #12  
May 3rd, 2009, 06:19 AM
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Unfortunatley dd did because she figured out if he was ill enough she could sneak out easier, or sneak her boyfriend up to her room. Before we found out though, everyone was putting it down to normal crying even though i kept insisting he was in pain, and he could literally spew vomit across a room. A good friend of mine was told her baby cried because her breastmilk wasnt good enough so to switch to formula, then the baby got desperately ill as she had severe reflux with breastmilk, but still had it with formula, plus was allergic! Ended up hospitalisation and all sorts of problems, plus it was too late to go back to bf The worst case I've read of was a mother turned away from 2 doctors being told the baby was just crying before being admitted to hospital for menigitis by a third.
I know in most cases crying is just crying, colic, hungry, lonely, whatever. But I strongly feel that it should be looked into more if a mother's gut instinct is telling her its something more, the baby seems to be in agony, or other symptoms, such as severe vomiting etc.. are present.
I still feel very guilty that Billy was so sick for so long before we found out, but at least I am thankful we never left him sick and suffering alone.
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  #13  
May 3rd, 2009, 06:28 AM
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I agree that sometimes babies are frustrated or whatever and just need to let it out by crying. But they should not just be left to cry.

broxi--I was one of those meningitis babies. My mom kept telling them something was wrong with me and they kept telling her teething, colic etc. At 6 months old she took me to yet another pedi who listened to my mom and did a thorough exam. I had horrible spinal meningitis. I was hospitalized, I had tons of spinal taps. I was in the hospital for a long time and my parents almost lost me I was so sick. All b/c my mom's concerns and instincts were ignored by the doctors.


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  #14  
May 3rd, 2009, 07:59 AM
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  #15  
May 3rd, 2009, 08:32 AM
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That is their "cue" that they have a need that needs to be met. They're learning to trust at this time in their life.... That goes for CIO.... But sometimes they do cry. Isabelle cries when she's overtired. Maybe she needs to cry to fall asleep. It's just a little fussing though. She goes to sleep around 7PM and fusses but falls asleep in my arms while I'm watching tv. Then she's fine.... I think it's more like she grouchy because she's tired.
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  #16  
May 3rd, 2009, 10:00 AM
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I also believe that no baby should cry alone, that's the key.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FranksGirls View Post
WHO would DO that?!?!
OMG!!!! Horrible!
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  #17  
May 3rd, 2009, 01:32 PM
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I think if a baby cries non stop, it does have a reason, even if it is just colic, it is still hurting and needs comfort. But I strongly feel a mothers instincts count for alot in this, if the mother feels it is more serious, it often is. Just shrugging it off as babies needing to cry could be very risky. I think most mothers know if its an overtired grumbley cry or a painful wail.
If a baby cries I think we need to try to find out what they are trying to communicate to us, and I so strongly believe every Doctor should take a mothers concerns seriously.
Lisa, what a nightmare your mother must have gone through and how horrible you went through all that so young too. I know you would have had to be hospitalised anyway, but with menigitis the sooner treatment is started the better and less invasive it is likely to be.
Its so horrible that dr's still often will not listen when mothers insist something is wrong.
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  #18  
May 4th, 2009, 08:21 AM
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I agree...sometimes babies just need to cry. Maybe it is a way for blowing off steam or natures way of letting their little lungs get a work out. IDK. But what do know is that I always feel better if someone hugs me when I am crying...so in my mind it makes my children feel better too. I don't think a child should be left alone to CIO though!
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  #19  
May 7th, 2009, 02:59 PM
KatiesGirls
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *TheyCallMeMommy* View Post
I agree...sometimes babies just need to cry. Maybe it is a way for blowing off steam or natures way of letting their little lungs get a work out. IDK. But what do know is that I always feel better if someone hugs me when I am crying...so in my mind it makes my children feel better too. I don't think a child should be left alone to CIO though!
I agree completely!
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  #20  
May 17th, 2009, 10:24 PM
Kierasmom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I haven't had a baby yet that 'needed' to cry so I am not sure if I believe that. If all needs are met than the crying should stop. If a baby keeps crying then obviously there is still a problem. Not everyone has the patience to figure it out and I think this is where the 'they need to cry' idea comes in.
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