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They laughed at me. :-( Vent (long)


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
May 2nd, 2009, 04:41 AM
lmarie13's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 622
Yesterday we had a very long day. We drove up to Orlando and I had a meeting with my advisor at school. Then we came to my inlaws.

So on our way up here we stopped at Target. We had only been in the car for an hour so I know that wasn't the issue. Ava wanted to walk. It started in the parking lot. She has to hold hands when we cross the street and she usually will stay next to me in the store. Well she wouldn't hold hands in the parking lot so I picked her up and carried her in the store.

Omgosh. My beautiful little girl threw the biggest fit. You would have thought I was hurting her. Then in the store she refused to walk with me. She would sit on the floor or ignore me and her daddy. So I picked her up to carry her again. She cried and screamed and was wrestling out of my arms.

We don't spank. For us, it doesn't help and wouldn't do anything except escalate the situation further. So. I did what does work. I sat her on the floor. I told her she was in "time out" and that she could not go look at toys for 2 minutes. Of course she cried, but then I sat down with her and I explained to her why she was in trouble, how she needed to hold hands and listen to mommy. It worked. She calmed down, and I always grab a cloth or wipee out of my bag and I say "ok now lets clean the tears up. no more tears bye bye" and she'll say bye bye. So then she was all cleaned up and happy and playing with her cup while I was getting Noah's baby food.

But these ladies with their perfect little 7 month old who was sitting all perfect in her stroller were just staring at me the whole time laughing at me. Like I was stupid or something. You could just tell they thought my method was dumb. I got a glare from a little old lady who probably thought I should just wack her on the butt. But that would not have worked and it isn't something we do in this family.

It is one of the first times that someone has given me odd looks over the way I parent my kids or the way my children act. It actually kind of hurt my feelings.

This on top of my "Best friend" telling me that Noah needs to "work on his grabbing skills" because he was slow to pinch one of those Gerber puff things and eat it. Well that's because I delayed solid foods and he just started baby food and he is just now starting to cut his first tooth. So I hadn't given him puffs yet and I didn't want to. She says that her daughter does it. Yea, well your daughter has several teeth already, is a month older than my son AND my son was a month early so you have to give him extra time to meet his "milestones". Ugh. Then there was the cloth diapering comments. She made me feel inferior as a mother.

I know that I do the very best I can for my family. I don't typically judge other parents (except once when I saw a mom hit her child pretty hard for no significant reason). I try to be understanding that we all do what is best for our own child because we know them the best and what would work. But yesterday made me feel like I was stupid KWIM? I was embarrassed for some reason. *sigh*

I just really needed to vent to similar moms who understand my choices.


Lisa
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  #2  
May 2nd, 2009, 06:54 AM
Beaker's Avatar My boys are adorable
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Location: Missouri
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Do not be embarrassed. Keeping your cool and handling the situation with dignity, respect and a peaceful approach is nothing to laugh at. I saw a girl throwing a HUGE tantrum the other day in a store. She was about 6-7 years old. The mother ignored her until she lost it. It was worse than the child's tantrum. She must have been more embarrassed after her outburst than during the tantrum. You did the right thing. And as far as your friend's comments, I don't think any mother is an expert on development. Just say, "oh the dr said it's nothing to be concerned about" so they will drop it. Works every time.
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  #3  
May 2nd, 2009, 07:31 AM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: belfast, northern ireland
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Dont take it personally. Parenting is the one thing you can rest assured people will disapprove of. If you had spanked, other people would be thinking that was wrong too.
I try to give people the benefit of any doubt, maybe they were laughing because it did hit close to home, they might have been in a similar situation not long ago themselves, but most likely they were just rude. They wont be the last rude people you will come across, so just ignore them, they are not worth your concern.
As to Noah's grabbing skills, I dont think he needs to "work" on anything yet. He's a baby!
But looking at your siggy he isn't even 8 months old yet. I just looked this up because i was wondering if Ian should have a pincer grasp yet, but its meant to be 10 -12 months on average. That said they all get there when they are ready and does anyone really care later?
I always ask myself this, "will I care about this a year now, 5 years from now?" If yes, then it may be worth my concern, if not, I couldnt be bothered worrying about it now.
Unfortunately, many people get into competive parenting as it makes them feel better abut their choices, again just ignore them, its not worth your time.
All teh best to you though and hope you feel better
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  #4  
May 2nd, 2009, 08:31 AM
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I have no advice for you but wanted to at least comment about other mom's and their judgmental glares. I do my very best not to judge other parents, no matter what because in the past I have eaten so many of my words! I no longer say anything about other parents' choices because for all I know, I could be walking down that road in the future. Those mommies will get what they deserve, trust me... nobody has it easy 100% of the time.
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  #5  
May 2nd, 2009, 09:19 AM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
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Location: North Carolina
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Oh honey I am so sorry. I had a very similar situation with my son at walmart last week and he is 5. We did the same thing with sitting in the floor until he was calm and ready to listen. I got all kinds of stares and honestly, one of these times I am gonna say something to someone. It irks me, lol.

You know what works best for you. Stick with your instincts and I agree with Broxi that if it wont be a concern in 5 years, dont stress about it now.

Oh honey I am so sorry. I had a very similar situation with my son at walmart last week and he is 5. We did the same thing with sitting in the floor until he was calm and ready to listen. I got all kinds of stares and honestly, one of these times I am gonna say something to someone. It irks me, lol.

You know what works best for you. Stick with your instincts and I agree with Broxi that if it wont be a concern in 5 years, dont stress about it now.
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  #6  
May 2nd, 2009, 10:37 AM
KatiesGirls
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You did a wonderful job and I bet you gave them something to think about when they saw that it WORKS and your child is happier for it. I have never understood parents that shout at their kids and drag them around stores I think it's kind of... trashy. Just know that if you're doing something that is getting enough attention to get dirty looks that you are also probably getting other audiences too, and you could be planting the AP seed with someone else
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  #7  
May 2nd, 2009, 10:38 AM
KatiesGirls
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You did a wonderful job and I bet you gave them something to think about when they saw that it WORKS and your child is happier for it. I have never understood parents that shout at their kids and drag them around stores I think it's kind of... trashy. Just know that if you're doing something that is getting enough attention to get dirty looks that you are also probably getting other audiences too, and you could be planting the AP seed with someone else
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  #8  
May 2nd, 2009, 11:22 AM
blondie-lox's Avatar Do NOT feed the Troll
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HUGS! I'm sorry you're feeling like this! Don't let these people bother you. You are doing what is right for you and your family.
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  #9  
May 2nd, 2009, 01:01 PM
mamatomaica's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i think you handle that situation brilliantly. i can't see how anyone feels any different! its easy for them to laugh when their baby hasn't got to that point in time yet, i'm sure they'll understand when they're stuck with a screaming toddler!
hang in there. you're doing whats right
xxx
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  #10  
May 4th, 2009, 07:33 AM
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My first thought is - they'll get theirs when their perfect 7 month old starts walking and talking and asserting a will of their own . My little guy is crawling and walking a bit and getting into EVERYTHING now and has gotten much harder to deal with than he was a few months ago when he would just sit quietly and watch things. I imagine it only gets "worse" (or "better" depending on your POV) as time goes on.
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  #11  
May 4th, 2009, 08:05 AM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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(((HUGS)))

I agree...just wait until that perfect little 7m old has a royal fit in public...then that mom will understand. I think you did a great job mama.

My DD (almost 4) throw a fit while we were at IHOP the other day. After her warning I marched her out to the waiting area and put her in time out...it was pretty empty so there was no one around. I sat her on one end of the bench and faced her away from me and I sat at the other end to keep on eye on her. A waitress was watching and chuckling to herself. She walked passed me and said "I remember those days". It was then I realized she was not laughing at me she was just remembering her children at that age and it made her smile. Hopefully that was the situation with the women you mentioned.
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  #12  
May 4th, 2009, 07:11 PM
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I know how fustrating that must have been. It's hard when others make comments or give us looks over how we are parenting. Just try to remember, you are doing what you feel is best for your family and your children. I like to think that this will make a difference in the long run, maybe my children will be closer to me when they are older and we'll have a much better relationship than most parents and teenagers. Most of all, it works! I can't believe how much better behaved Abby has been the past few months since I have learned gentle discipline.
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  #13  
May 5th, 2009, 05:02 AM
lmarie13's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Florida
Posts: 622
Thanks for all the support. I know that in 5 years, heck 5 days from now (then) it won't matter. It doesn't change the feeling at the moment.


It was a challenging weekend all around. I've been off of work for almost a month. We have a special routine each day, not always the same time, it isn't a schedule, but it is a routine. I can tell they depend on it and I had no idea until this weekend. Noah and Ava now what to expect as far as breakfast, lunch and dinner times, snack times; playing outside etc. This weekend was completely disrupted b/c of visiting family for my SIL's graduation from UF. Normally it isn't such an issue, we visit them alot. I think it must have been all the chaos in the house b/c of the party and things.

Ava would refuse to go to bed, neither of them would nap. My poor baby girl, Saturday night she sobbed so hard when we tried to put her to bed. Even though she was sleeping in bed with me!! It took us almost 2 hours to calm her down. She has always been my easy to bed, fairly easy to nap one. But this weekend was so hard for her! :-( They both cried and whined constantly. It was like someone else had invaded my children's bodies. Plus like I mentioned before Ava is very cautious around new people...and there were lots of new people at my in-laws house.

They are both back to the usual very happy smiling playful babies they are. Whew. The baby invader return my children safely. LOL!
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  #14  
May 5th, 2009, 07:59 AM
mommabirdof4
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Unsetting their routine is so hard and I understand...we went through that this past week or so. My husband was off work due to having eye surgery so my lil one decided that he didn't want to nap while daddy was here...I don't blame him...playing with daddy is a lot more fun....

Also we had a lot of appointments at the eye dr and since my husband couldn't drive we all had to go...and the drive is 45 minutes just one way.

Also my husband had to sleep on the couch since he was on meds...that upset lil one's sleep also.

So he has been a lot cranker...harder to sooth.

So I hope that the baby invader drops off my real lil Jimmy in a few days also....
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  #15  
May 5th, 2009, 12:40 PM
Effervescence's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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About the "grasping skills" I just had to give you assurance that Jonah is a month and two days older than your Noah, and he is just now beginning to pick his food up to eat it. No one's baby is "the norm" meaning that your friend can't possibly expect every other baby to compare to hers when it comes to development. If someone really WERE an expert on child development, then they would know this and not bug you about it. Unfortunately it is never the people who know what they are talking about that give their advice
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