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There are certain things that children do that just rub parents the wrong way. Not listening, talking back, giving attitudes...these are things that all children will do at one time or another. Some children behave this way only once in a great while, while others behave this way on a
daily basis. Most fall in-between. All kids have good days and bad days. All parents do too. Kids are kids and they are bound to "act up" or act unacceptably daily. I like to call these behaviors universal child behaviors. Universal because all children act like, well, children!
Either way, whether those pesky little behaviors are universal or not...they can and do still grate at our nerves. Then there are the more serious child behaviors that are not universal, but rather learned. Learned behaviors include tattle tailing, lying, name calling, and the like. These behaviors can be very frustrating for parents to deal with.
That's the thing. Parents have to deal with behaviors. That's where the subject of yelling comes in. Yelling is one way that many parents deal with unacceptable child behaviors. They use yelling like it's a form of discipline. A child talks back and the parents yells at them telling them "Don't you talk back to me", or a child hits a sibling and the parents yells "Don't you hit your sibling", thinking that their yelling will make the child stop. Does it make it stop? Sometimes. A child who is yelled at once in a blue moon will stop dead in their tracks when yelled at. A child who is yelled at on a daily basis will learn to ignore their parents yelling. Just because the child who is never yelled at stops the behavior that does not mean that yelling is an effective form of discipline. Yelling is not an acceptable form of discipline because it is not discipline. Yelling falls under the category of punishment...
Discipline is calm, and gentle. Discipline has a nurturing tone of voice. Discipline teaches through communication. When a parent disciplines a child for acting unacceptably they are teaching their child why the behavior is unacceptable, not just that it is. A
child who is disciplined is never yelled at. They are not scolded or reprimanded. They are not called names or insulted. They are not made to feel shamed or belittled. Yelling makes children feel all of those things. Yelling makes good kids feel like bad kids. A child who is disciplined is talked to and with, not ever at.
Yelling at your kids can both scare and scar them. The long-term effects of yelling include poor self image and esteem, lack of self control, impulsiveness, anger and temperament issues, lack of patience, and mental childhood issues. Also, parents who yell at their children often will most likely have children that yell at their children. If you yell at your children a lot they will learn to yell back at you. Also, they will never learn to stop acting unacceptably because they have been yelled at rather than talked to and taught.
Last edited by KatiesGirls; May 6th, 2009 at 05:44 PM.
The yelling has been my achilles heal.I really do believe that yelllling is terrible for kids and pets.
My latest technique to combat the need to yell at Avery or the dogs is to give my very own tarzan like yell at/for myself...I walk away and say ugh or argh or some other sound, then explain myself/stress to Avery and Dh....depending on who witnessed it.