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Following your instincts is NOT accidental!


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
May 13th, 2009, 04:11 PM
KatiesGirls
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Post an example(s) of why you believe in AP and why your choices are not accidental.

It was by no accident that I chose to BF and co-sleep. It has been the greatest gift I can give my children. Making a conscious willing sacrifice to nurse on demand as well as being there for them any hour of the night, and following cues for transitions has made our home a very happy, relaxed and loving environment. We are raising strong independent little girls that know we will always be there if they need us.
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  #2  
May 13th, 2009, 04:27 PM
10x_A_Mommy's Avatar formerly mom_of_8
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Tennessee
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From the day my 1st child was born - well before that actually, with the pregnancy and labor even, I just did what came naturally to me and what felt right. I've continued to do that every day for the past (almost) 14 years. And my kids turned out ok
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  #3  
May 13th, 2009, 05:45 PM
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The moment I knew I was going to be a Mom I decided that my children would always know that they are listened to and respected and loved unconditionally.AP is the natural choice in raising children this way,if my nursling wanted BFing,she got it,if she is lonely, she gets company,she is treated with compassion and love regardless of how she behaves.
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  #4  
May 13th, 2009, 05:50 PM
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Location: Michigan
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I did a lot of trial and error with Abigail, so when I had Anna, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I learned that "training" did not work and every baby is different. I also learned that trusting your instincts will make parenting easier, because no one knows what is best for your baby than yourself. It was definitely not accidental for us, it was something that my parenting style evolved into as I tried different things.
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  #5  
May 13th, 2009, 08:57 PM
**Jenn**'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by andi2284 View Post
I did a lot of trial and error with Abigail, so when I had Anna, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I learned that "training" did not work and every baby is different. I also learned that trusting your instincts will make parenting easier, because no one knows what is best for your baby than yourself. It was definitely not accidental for us, it was something that my parenting style evolved into as I tried different things.
This is exactly how I feel!

I feel like I messed up a lot when Liam was a baby because I resisted my natural instincts and instead followed what I was "supposed" to do. Learning through my mistakes with him helped me form the parent I am and what my boys need me to be.

The one thing I always did was nurse to sleep. And I did this on purpose. It was such a warm, special, quiet, bonding time for me and my boys. It did not make them demanding (their personalities did that!) and when they no longer needed it they stopped! My youngest still nurses but has decided in the past week or two that he was ready to sleep through the night (and gave up the nursing to sleep on his own quite a few months ago).
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  #6  
May 13th, 2009, 09:30 PM
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I have always believed in my instincts and so far it has been the right thing to do. I figured that if I did what came to me and continuously used my girl as a measure of how well I was doing I could not go wrong. I can understand getting ideas from a book but thinking that some parents grab a parenting "formula" straight out of book seems just twisted to me.
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  #7  
May 14th, 2009, 02:19 AM
MilkyJo's Avatar Veteran
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I think I would have enjoyed the first 2-3 months of Ben's life a lot more if I had had the confidence to follow my own instincts and not keep trying to do what the midwives and books were telling me to do.

I regret all the time I spent (and wasted) trying to fight his need to nurse almost 24/7 and to comfort nurse himself to sleep. All I needed was one health care professional to just say to me "don't worry, this is perfectly normal, let him nurse as much as he wants" and I would have felt so much better about it. Instead they spent ages fussing over my hold and latch (both were fine, but they kept trying to change my holding position into one that made my arms ache after about 10 minutes) and telling me to unlatch him after 40 minutes, or 1 hour maximum. I'm just very glad that at least the health professionals didn't advocate cry-it-out as well, else I might have felt pressured enough into trying it.

If I ever have #2, I will know from day one that the easiest and least stressful way for me to parent is to go with the flow and to be 100% baby-led. It hasn't turned my lif into chaos, contrary to warnings from others, in fact it made things simpler for me and I became a happier and better mother for it.
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  #8  
May 14th, 2009, 03:45 AM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think this is a brilliant topic. If I come off a bit too strong against Tracey's Hogg's routine, its because I see to many mothers given this advice and they feel something is wrong with them or their baby if the baby acts like a normal ( sometimes inconveniant) baby. Its as if women everywhere else in the world are accidental parents because they dont follow her routine. Sorry but to me that sounds like a cultish religion. Hope I am not going into religion too much here, but I was a member of a faith for sometime that told me they knew more then the bible.
Well as a believer ( not a christian but thats another story), the bible to me is the word of God and a relgion can not go against that and still claim to be Christian. Likewise, to me a Mothers instincts are the base for attachment parenting. When you ask a mother to abandon her instinsts, you risk what I really consider accidental parenting, damaging the precious bond between mother and child. Any childcare author i have any respect for whatsoever advises mothers to follow their own instincts, not the authors rules or regulations.
For me I decided i would follow my instincts which happen to fit in very well with AP. I am quite sure I do make mistakes still but its easier to live with mistakes made with good intentions and love, and I think it easier for a child to have confidence in a parent happy with their parenting style, then one always hating every moment of what they feel the "have" to do to be a good mother. I would hate not feeding my baby whenever they were hungry, not picking them up and giving them whatever they need - and baies needs and wants are the same, so this is not spoiling! I have considered spanking, as what parents are "meant" to do,
but every instinct in my body screams no, so I dont.
I do have some background in psychology though, and have studied quite a bit. Just as I made a conscious decision to give up smoking when pg and until my children are grown now, because i put my childs needs ahead of my wants, so I also made the decision to to the very best I could for them, which means breastfeeding, responding to their needs, and doing my best to provide a secure attachment and secure base for them. I find my choices being called accidental very offensive.
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  #9  
May 14th, 2009, 05:52 AM
M&RsMom's Avatar Mama to silly boys
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With Miles I planned all along to "do what everyone else is doing", crib sleeping, not holding all day, try BF but formula if it was hard, etc. Once he was born though it was SO against what I was feeling that I just couldn't do it! I spent hours on the internet reading about attachment parenting and seeing that there were people out there doing what I was feeling and they were happier for it. From then on out I just listened to what felt right.

With Rhys I was SO much more confident in myself.
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  #10  
May 14th, 2009, 06:19 AM
~Nik*Re~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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10 years ago, when I was 17 years old I had Haylee. I didn't know what to do as a mother. When I was pregnant I thought I would take everyone's advice.
Once I went through 17 hours of labor and delivered my baby girl everything just came to me. I never once used her crib for her, I used it to store her clothes in, hehe.
She slept with me even in the hospital. I tried BFing, but no one really helped me. I even had a sling for her. A snugli from WalMart, LOL and I did use it, a lot! Not the best out there but whatever.
Every other child I had since then, AP just started coming on more and more. No one really ever said anything to me until my last baby, Marienah. I'm being told that I'm taking things a little too far with her. Which I don't understand because I'm doing the same thing with her as I do and did with the other three. The only thing different is that I'm using cloth diapers and I'm delaying/selective vax, but I don't really see that as AP. I'm being told that I can't make my kids "perfect" whatever the hell that mean?? Sometimes I get the feeling that they're trying to turn my oldest against the way I parent her and her siblings.
I didn't even know that there was a term for the way I parent until a few months ago when I joined this bored and I'm really glad I did. I don't post in here a whole lot but I read it EVERY DAY a few times a day. And you gals really give me the strength to help me keep going the way my children and I want to. AP can get difficult at times but it's so worth the effort.
Now I'm just rambling on and I'm in tears now and I don't know why. I don't know you ladies that well, but thank you! I need to start posting here more often.
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  #11  
May 14th, 2009, 06:31 AM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yes , you do need to post more, I always enjoy your posts
Its so hard when you are trying your best to do what you feel is right and people are criticising you for it. teenagers are hard anyway, but no one has a right to undermine your parenting to your child!
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  #12  
May 14th, 2009, 02:10 PM
mommabirdof4
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Co-sleeping was something I had planned on but I wasn't sure how hubby would go for it so never really talked about it...not the smartest thing but oh well. But it was hubby who brought lil jimmy into bed the first night home. He was suppose to be under the billi lights but he just screamed and screamed....I was in tears...and so was my hubby....so we said no more...and he has been there ever since. Also it was my husband that told me he just isn't ready to be in a bed by himself...I love him so much.

Wearing him was something I wanted to do from day one and I am so glad I did....I love it and really miss it and can't wait to do it again.

Following my instincts just came naturally to me...i have not read a single "training" parenting book...I just knew that wouldn't work for me. I know in my heart you can't spoil a baby no matter what. Also from having foster children in our home that had crudy first few years I VOWED that our kids would have a lot better start in life.
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  #13  
May 15th, 2009, 08:28 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I didn't know there was AP or TP. I knew what kind of parent I'd be from a little girl. I never believed in CIO, I always knew babies cried for a reason and that they are dependant on you. I never believed in spanking or hitting, thats abuse in my eyes and I just can't strike a child. Breast is best (I didn't make breastmilk despite my efforts for 3 months), and can't wait to BF my next baby. Babywearing is just so fun and convenient, espically if you have a baby with colic. Co-sleeping is convenient, and its nice to bond. Etc.
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  #14  
May 15th, 2009, 08:42 PM
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When I had my first, I was very young and people thought it was their job to tell me how to parent because I was too young to know what I was doing. I remember when my daughter was about 5 months old and I still rocked her to sleep, and everyone under the sun was giving me crap about it. They kept saying that I would be rocking her to sleep when she was 10. So being naive and stupid I did what others told me to do and let my 5 mos old CIO. I remember my mom and two of my friends sitting with me almost physically restraining me from going in to get my crying baby. I was in tears. I didn't know any better, but my instincts were telling me that it wasn't right.

When I got pregnant with my second I decided to arm myself with as much information as possible on how I wanted to parent so I could tell these "advice givers" where to go. I learned more everyday about my instincts and what they were, I was practicing AP. I then taught my mom why I do the things I do and she has actually swayed over to the AP side of parenting. I am doing what I feel is right in my heart for my children and I will never again go against my instincts. They are correct.
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  #15  
May 19th, 2009, 01:07 PM
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I have just been doing what felt right since he was born and didn't know anything about AP. I read up on it and realized that is how I am parenting, but it just seemed completely natural.
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