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What would you do?


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
July 18th, 2009, 05:51 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 904
There is this super sweet little girl from my dds playgroup that we have been playing with at our local park/lake. She is a year or so older than dd but they play together really well and the child is just a doll and a half. Her Mother however is the most negative, mean spirited person I have been around as a parent. She was complaining about everything the child does or doesn't do hardly let the little girl speak without correcting her, when she was paying attention to her which wasn't very much. She yelled at her baby 8 or 9 times one morning because he wouldn't speak (he's 18 months).
I offered to have the little girl over for a playdate as the Mother told me she was going crazy on the rainy days with "2 bratty kids". She got really excited and said she'd love to come over............YIKES I meant the kid!!! I definitely do not have any intention of letting dd be around the kind of parent this woman is. When she is older, maybe I would take the opprutunity to be a role model of sorts, but now, she's just too young IMO. But this little girl is so nice I mean really just a great kid, she does have some nervous type behavior, but HELLO who wouldn't!!

How would you do this? Or would you just keep it casual?

I do believe that everyone is entitled to parent the way they chose, I also believe I have the responsibility to protect my young children from some of the more negative parenting models.
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  #2  
July 18th, 2009, 06:03 PM
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Posts: 394
My only suggestion, though it probably sucks, is to say, "Oh don't be silly! You can just drop her off - I meant for it to give you a bit of a break for the afternoon." If she still wants to come maybe being around her could inspire her to be less negative by watching you. You can also make a point to compliment her child a lot while the mother is there, always try to jump to compliment before the mother can jump to critique. Good luck, let us know how it goes or what you decide.
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  #3  
July 18th, 2009, 08:04 PM
MommaNator's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,773
^ Good ideas.

How old is the little girl? I know that since my DD is just 2, I wouldn't drop her off for a playdate, I would stay. If she's older that might be different.
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  #4  
July 18th, 2009, 08:29 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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Location: Massachusetts
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I love the above suggestions!! I do think a lot of times we as parents just don't know another way to parent. Maybe seeing you parent more positively will help her.
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  #5  
July 19th, 2009, 12:43 PM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: belfast, northern ireland
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Why do the really horrid parents often have such lovely children? Its not fair!
I would go ahead and have her over, it may be that she is very insecure and over correcting to show she is "a good parent", maybe you cna help her relax a bit, but if it gets to much, I would tell if it frightens or upsets your child.
Billy has been really upset a few times seeing other children treated harshly, andwas even sad for a wee girl who wasnt allowed to get dirty, he thinks getting dirty is just too much fun
I also always try to reverse any negative comments made about children in their hearing, and find a way to put a postive spin on it.
A final thought maybe going out somewhere together miht be better as you can leave if you get fed up?
Good luck - I think you'll need it .
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  #6  
July 19th, 2009, 01:38 PM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 11,465
I agree that having her over is a good idea. Your parenting will probably rub off on her. Good luck and let us know how it goes
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  #7  
July 20th, 2009, 06:42 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 904
Thanks girls, the little girl is 4. What we are going to do is invite her into our smaller playgroup (VERY gentle discipline group),see how the Mom does and go from there.
The wierd thing is we branched off with the smaller group to aviod having our kids see/hear the harsher parents and having our kids see timeouts and such, this little girl though EVERYONE just LOVES her.

Isn't arrogant to assume that our parenting will rub off and be "better"? Its my major goal in this case but I am conflicted about it.
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  #8  
July 20th, 2009, 06:46 PM
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I don't think so. IMO some people just are better parents, plain and simple. Maybe I'm arrogant though - I just think someone who belittles their child isn't quite up to par to someone who doesn't. Kind of like how someone who works for a living is generally better than someone who COULD work, but chooses to rob bank at gun point instead. One is obviously better.
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