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Friend who uses CIO...


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
July 19th, 2009, 02:55 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 394
Are there limits on CIO like there are with spanking?

Like here, there are laws that control how hard a child can be hit or something. But I don't know how CIO works. I have a friend, well really its a lady at my church I wouldn't call her a friend after hearing this, but she puts her baby down and no matter how hard or long her child cries she won't go back in there. (like, not even to check???) surely this is beyond "cio"? It seems like as long as it's with 'intent for them to sleep" it's okay, but that just seems off to me. If another parent did this with the intent to play bingo it would be... something more...

I really didn't know what to say to her, because it's such a sensitive subject for some people.. I just said all of our kids STTN eventually and we've never done that ourselves. Nothing wrong with that right? (in this scenario I just could not bring myself to offer any words of acceptance, but I didn't want to be rude either... but I think she should at least know that what she was doing isn't necessary which is why I shared my experience... she didn't seem to be offended or anything... still I hope that wasn't rude of me to say)


(ps - so i'm just wondering if it's legal as long as you intend for them to fall asleep or if there is some kind of limit... and if I handled the situation well without being rude but also without acceptance or silent support - not looking for a discussion on merits of it)

Last edited by ipaintwithwords; July 19th, 2009 at 02:59 PM.
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  #2  
July 19th, 2009, 03:10 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 394
also is there a supportive, kind, non pushy way to offer her alternatives? or should i just stick to keeping my mouth shut? I'd love to help in some way if I could, but I worry I'd sound to judgmental if I recommend anything, because its such a senitive subject. A tactful way to respond, if there is one, would be great to have on hand if it comes up again. I have though of recommending NCSS, but she doesn't seem to care really. Why would she do that work if she is content just letting her baby scream for as long as it takes? I just worry like, what if something really bad happened and she didnt go check because she thought it was just a "bedtime" tantrum.

Of, I should mention, its not like she is doing with with a newborn. Her child is a little younger then mine. Not sure how long she has been doing this.
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  #3  
July 19th, 2009, 06:04 PM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 11,465
Maybe you can try recommending the book the NO cry Sleep Solution. I thought it was a great book.
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