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DD,Witness to spanking...........


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
August 17th, 2009, 04:51 PM
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For non- spanking parents, how do you explain to your LO when they see one of their friends get spanked?

I've got the whole time out thing figured out, and DD seems to get that kids sometimes have to have timeout, but the spank, I just don't know what to say to the questions that make spanking come out as a rational choice for discipline.

Sorry if you are a spanker: IGNORE THIS THREAD PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!
I am NOT trying to start a debate or a right and wrong I am trying to get help explaining different parenting methods to my DD without her feeling scared or worried for her friend.
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  #2  
August 17th, 2009, 08:57 PM
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I think that if she asks questions...just say...some parents choose to discipline different than others. Some spank/swat their child's hineys and some choose other methods like time outs and such....

If she isn't satisfied I would just keep it as simple as possible...well that's just the way they do it...or something similar. You dont have to make excuses for other peoples choices....but you dont want to pass your judgment on the situation on to her....I mean she'll know right from wrong through YOUR actions....kwim?

I think that in most situations like this it's best to keep responses simple until the child asks more in depth questions...
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  #3  
August 18th, 2009, 01:01 AM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You mean if your DD asks you ? It's easy. You simply say it's some parents way of making little kids obey. But as i don't like being spanked when someone is telling me to do one thing and i want to do another, so i don't like spanking you for the same reason. It has to do with my respect towards your personality and body. Understand? That's what i'd say ....
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  #4  
August 18th, 2009, 07:05 AM
KimberlyD0
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I would tell them that some parents disapline differently then others. Simple and to the point.
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  #5  
August 18th, 2009, 07:48 AM
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Am I the only one wondering why a parent would spank their kid in front of an audience/a friend?
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  #6  
August 19th, 2009, 11:39 PM
(.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimber View Post
For non- spanking parents, how do you explain to your LO when they see one of their friends get spanked?
IDk if I'm really adding to the thread but dd has seen other children be verbally assaulted as well as hit/spanked. When she cried about it, I had to tell her that some families love each other differently. (I don't feel that's a lie or deceitful in anyway because my parents "spanked" me and they did it under the belief it was for my own good.) As she ages, our conversation about it will evolve.
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  #7  
August 20th, 2009, 05:13 AM
KimberlyD0
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I agree. As a 4 year old her understanding is rudimentery at best. To much and it would over wealm her. We'll expand the discussion as she grows and understands more. It also depends one what exactly the question is. Its how we're approching the sex talk too. We're very open in our home because I want her to be comfortable coming to us no matter what.
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  #8  
August 25th, 2009, 05:00 PM
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Thanks for the input ladies, I did tell her that *friend* thinks spanks are a good way to get control of fussing and fighting. She is STILL talking about friends kid getting the "smack" and friend should have had a very long timeout for hitting.(this was the only thing she was given timeout for). We have tried the whole some people thing but she is an incredably empathic child and really already seems to understand that hitting is a very serious" wrong".

I think this brings up a bit of the topic of protecting our kids from things we view as unacceptable.Where do you draw the line and when? Is 3 too young? We don't put our dd in the position of seeing kids get punitive punishment if we can help it so we have thus far pretty much avoided situations were we have to help her understand that some people view certain behaviors as good or bad and( we avoid using those terms as we guide her).

And Fluga yeah, it was pretty shocking, even as an adult.
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  #9  
August 26th, 2009, 11:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by (.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.) View Post
IDk if I'm really adding to the thread but dd has seen other children be verbally assaulted as well as hit/spanked. When she cried about it, I had to tell her that some families love each other differently. (I don't feel that's a lie or deceitful in anyway because my parents "spanked" me and they did it under the belief it was for my own good.) As she ages, our conversation about it will evolve.
You're making me very grateful that spanking and any physical punishment is illegal in here. I cant imagine having to explain that to a small child.
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  #10  
August 26th, 2009, 05:08 PM
~Jackie
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I watched my sister's niece, who is 6, and her parents spank so my daughter and my niece learned through the 6yr old girl what spanking is because she would talk about it. The girls would pretend to be mommies and sometimes put their baby's in time-out and I would over hear about spanking and I would just explain that, "we don't spank, that's not nice" and leave it at that for now.
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  #11  
August 26th, 2009, 09:19 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fluga View Post
Am I the only one wondering why a parent would spank their kid in front of an audience/a friend?
No, you aren't the only one. My parents spanked, but they'd never do it in front of someone. Kid's already being punished, does he or she need the embarrassment of an audience as well?

Anyway, I agree with the other ladies. Just simply say that is the way her friend gets punished. She gets time-out, and her friend gets spanks.
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  #12  
August 26th, 2009, 10:39 PM
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A simple explanation that some parents spank/do things differently should be good enough.
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  #13  
August 29th, 2009, 08:15 AM
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She's too young still.... She doesn't have any playdates yet.
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