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Playing tag at bedtime


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  #1  
August 21st, 2009, 03:23 PM
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For the whole summer bedtime has been awful in this house. It often takes up to 2 or even 3 hours on a bad night and involves too many tears for my liking and leaves everyone frustrated.

So tonight after having spent an hour and a half on it already I decided to try something out. I put DD in her crib and left the room. She predictably cried out so I picked her up and held her for few secs before laying her down again and leaving the room. After the first two times I just gently laid her back whispering "good night" and left as I noticed that she actually wasnt being distressed. Heck at one point she was laying herself down when she saw me at the door.

One hour and fifteen minutes later after having made 78 trips (yup I kept a count) into the room she gave in and fell asleep. The last three times she was getting upset and each of those times I held her for a while calming her down before laying her down a bit. She ended up almost falling asleep in my arms.

I feel bit iffy about this, I'd love to put her to sleep in my or DP's arm but that just hasnt been happening lately. Both of us dread bedtime because we know that most likely it'll be hours. I'm thinking that we can try the cuddly bedtime that we usually do for 30 or so minutes and then switch to this, that way we'll get to have some cuddles but it wont go on for hours leaving everybody frustrated. Maybe she'll learn that bedtime is for sleeping. She is really talented at pushing it later and later... not that I can blaim her as I'm writing this at past 1am lol.

Anybody have thoughts to share? Have you gone through a similar sleep issue with your LO and figured how to resolve it? I was really hoping that this was just a phase but 3 months in it's starting to seem unlikely.
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  #2  
August 21st, 2009, 04:06 PM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
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Bed time is getting difficult here too and I am dreading when I start having to stop nursing Bella to sleep. I hope you can get some good answers here. I think after a couple days, your baby will figure out what it means when its time for bed.
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  #3  
August 21st, 2009, 08:11 PM
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My husband was just saying tonight that he dreads this stage. Hugo is 16 mos. but we still stay with him at bedtime and will for a while because of baby #2 coming. Eventually we'll work into a routine when baby brother's ready where the two of them can settle down together.

What you're doing sounds a lot like the no-cry sleep solution... I would say to keep going with it and know that the 78 times a night too shall pass. She'll still know you're there and eventually it'll taper off. It will just be exhausting for you for a while. Also what about making bedtime a little earlier to give her time to wind down? Just a thought.
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  #4  
August 22nd, 2009, 12:31 PM
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It sounds like you may have found something that works for you! I know it is frustrating. We used to spend up to 2 hours to get DD to sleep at that age. At that age most kids do need a nap, but we found that when DD gave up her naps around 21 months or so that she went to sleep REALLY well at bedtime Perhaps your daughter does not need as much of a nap as she gets during the day? If it is earlier or shorter, she may be more willing to sleep at bedtime. Good luck!
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  #5  
August 22nd, 2009, 02:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hugosmom View Post
My husband was just saying tonight that he dreads this stage. Hugo is 16 mos. but we still stay with him at bedtime and will for a while because of baby #2 coming. Eventually we'll work into a routine when baby brother's ready where the two of them can settle down together.

What you're doing sounds a lot like the no-cry sleep solution... I would say to keep going with it and know that the 78 times a night too shall pass. She'll still know you're there and eventually it'll taper off. It will just be exhausting for you for a while. Also what about making bedtime a little earlier to give her time to wind down? Just a thought.
You havent seen that stage yet? Lucky you, our kiddos seem to be about 3 weeks apart with your boy being older
I actually have the book no cry solution. I bought it last Nov when I thought we were going to be having sleep issues but it resolved itsself within few weeks. This time it has taken longer. I was looking for it tonight but couldnt find it. All I remember from paging through it was that light/noise/activity before bedtime makes a difference. I'll keep in mind moving her bedtime up. Right now it has been an ugh ugh ugh bedtime is approaching issue. I'm not sure how to wind her down really, baths never really did much for us (she had one today even) and story time doesnt work yet. Right now DP just lies down with her in the dark on our bed and sings to her. Him doing that for an hour wasnt helping before.

Anyways this time I went to her 56 times. There's definatly a decrease, however the whole thing from start to finish took longer, 1h40min vs 1h15min. That's probably due to my trying to breastfeed her to sleep about an hour into it. Clever girl latched herself on and was squirming just enough to keep herself awake (she was pulling at her eyelids at one point).

Quote:
Originally Posted by ♥Sarah♥ View Post
Bed time is getting difficult here too and I am dreading when I start having to stop nursing Bella to sleep. I hope you can get some good answers here. I think after a couple days, your baby will figure out what it means when its time for bed.
Curious, do you have plans to stop nursing her to sleep or are you expecting that she'll stop falling asleep from it? The latter is what happened with us... well she will fall asleep nursing after 1-2 hours of me just laying there while she does wild gymnastics while being latched on.
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  #6  
August 22nd, 2009, 02:15 PM
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Originally Posted by MommaNator View Post
It sounds like you may have found something that works for you! I know it is frustrating. We used to spend up to 2 hours to get DD to sleep at that age. At that age most kids do need a nap, but we found that when DD gave up her naps around 21 months or so that she went to sleep REALLY well at bedtime Perhaps your daughter does not need as much of a nap as she gets during the day? If it is earlier or shorter, she may be more willing to sleep at bedtime. Good luck!
She can go without a nap on some days and on those days she falls asleep really easily. I usually try to take my cues from her. If she is looking tired I'll try to get her to nap or then at her usual nap hour I'll try to get her (I stop if she doesnt seem to be tired) to sleep. Unfortunatly nap has become a bigger struggle lately. Her whole sleep has been off for few weeks (bedtime has been struggle for longer though). She sleeps in (which I admittedly love since I'm not a morning person) which in turn throws off her nap which probably even adds to the bedtime issue which makes her sleep in.... Suppose a smart person might try to start it from the wake up time but I think I'll try to fix the bedtime first. Before having my daughter I never got up before 10am if I could avoid it so having a cranky baby and a cranky me seems too much.
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  #7  
August 22nd, 2009, 02:50 PM
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What you did is EXACTLY what i am doing with our daughter. I put her down she suffles gets up sometimes whines sometimes cries, i go in pick her up sooth her, kiss her put her down and rewind-play......it takes from about 2 times (the best one) to 10 max and then she is asleep. Also i never put ANY kind of toy in her crib. Only her lovey-blanket and nothing else so she has connected the crib to sleep and that's it. I also manage rarely bloodless nap times this way also. She knows it's time for it she WILL OF COURSE resist, but not sooooooo much........and i daresay not with many tears either. Most of the times now it is just her getting up on her crib and bouncing around not crying at all. When i put her down she drags out a whinny cry for about 20 seconds and then she gets up again OR suffles herself to sleep with her blanket. I found out that system works very well for us and have started it very early on. Of course there are days where everything goes haywire and wrong but that's just the way with having a baby right ???

Good luck on it, it works
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  #8  
August 22nd, 2009, 02:51 PM
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When Ben started crawling and cruising a month or two ago, I noticed that it was taking longer and longer to settle him to sleep at bedtime.

We've always had a consistent bedtime routine, but I was starting to doubt its effectiveness, so I started experimenting with it a bit. I ended up stopping his bedtime bath and bathing him earlier during the day instead. Bathtime for Ben is anything but calming; he goes from laughing hysterically when splashing in the bath to screaming and crying when I try to dry and dress him afterwards. That said, I don't think stopping his bedtime bath means he falls asleep any quicker, but he has been sleeping a lot longer when he does eventually sleep.

What seems to make the biggest difference is when he last woke up from his nap and how long that nap was. These days Ben usually needs at least 5-6 hours gap from his nap before he will sleep in the evening. Trying to settle him before then ends up with the scenario similar to the one you describe: Ben doing acrobatic nursing, racing up and down the mattress, jumping about, etc. He's not crying or fussing during this time, which is what leads me to think that his lack of sleeping is purely down to not being tired enough.

On days where he takes a shorter nap and there is a longer gap between his nap and his bedtime (6 or more hours), he usually falls asleep within 30 minutes and sleeps better. Otherwise bedtime can take up to an hour or more.

I don't know how much any of this will help your situation. Some babies behave the opposite and sleep better at night if they nap longer during the day. Some babies will likely fight sleep just because they can, no matter what you change or do. What happens if you simply let your DD play in a dim, toddler-proofed room while you sit there and read a book until she starts to fuss, rub-eyes etc,? Or is she already obviously tired and ready for sleep when you start to settle her?
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  #9  
August 22nd, 2009, 04:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fluga View Post
She can go without a nap on some days and on those days she falls asleep really easily. I usually try to take my cues from her. If she is looking tired I'll try to get her to nap or then at her usual nap hour I'll try to get her (I stop if she doesnt seem to be tired) to sleep. Unfortunatly nap has become a bigger struggle lately. Her whole sleep has been off for few weeks (bedtime has been struggle for longer though). She sleeps in (which I admittedly love since I'm not a morning person) which in turn throws off her nap which probably even adds to the bedtime issue which makes her sleep in.... Suppose a smart person might try to start it from the wake up time but I think I'll try to fix the bedtime first. Before having my daughter I never got up before 10am if I could avoid it so having a cranky baby and a cranky me seems too much.
You know, I am not a morning person either and I never woke Mona up by a certain time unless we had to be somewhere that morning. I am perfectly happy to sleep as long as Mona does in the morning, which is typically 9:30 -10. Some days it is as early as 8:30 (and the odd 6 am!) or as late as 11:30 As igloowigwam mentioned, when DD was taking naps, I could never let her sleep longer than 1 hour 20 minutes and she had to be up by 3:30 pm at the latest to fall asleep around 9:30 pm. We also used to struggle to get her to sleep for her nap AND bedtime, but now that she has given up her nap, bedtime is much easier. My daughter has never liked going to sleep and has always fought it... too much to see, too much "talking" to do. I suppose getting her up by a certain hour in the morning would have helped us, but I like to sleep late and so does she, so kept doing it. The time will come when we all have to get up early so Mona can go to school, so we are going to enjoy sleeping in while it lasts.
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  #10  
August 22nd, 2009, 04:15 PM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fluga View Post

Curious, do you have plans to stop nursing her to sleep or are you expecting that she'll stop falling asleep from it? The latter is what happened with us... well she will fall asleep nursing after 1-2 hours of me just laying there while she does wild gymnastics while being latched on.
I just mean after she weans. We are no where near ready for that yet and I plan to still nurse her to sleep as long as we are BFing but I know how quickly it can change.
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  #11  
August 23rd, 2009, 01:15 PM
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I'm very jealous of all these babies that like to lie in! Ben is up and awake for the day usually by 7AM, but sometimes earlier and hardly ever later than 8AM!
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