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HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! Baby problem with crying.


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  #1  
August 25th, 2009, 05:18 PM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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So, I have been back to work since Zoe was 5 weeks old. Last week we think she realized that I am really not here for the 5 hours a day I am gone. DH is a SAHD. When I am gone since last week, she goes bezerk. According to DH she cries bloody murder and nothing will appease her. He is very upset and getting depressed, I am getting very upset that my baby cries for hours while I am gone and I am sure she is upset as well. I am two steps away from having them come to work with me, I do not know what to do. When she goes into these crying frenzies, nothing will soothe her, DH said he has tried everything, and usually she will not take a bottle. I fed her really really really well before I went to work this afternoon, but 90 minutes later the crying and screaming started until right before I got home. She passed out from exhaustion I guess. I am so torn up over her being so upset. DH says he just gets to a point where he gives up and just holds her or sits with her in the bouncy seat next to him on the couch. She and I are attached when I am at home, like attached to each other, and we cosleep. She rarely rarely rarely ever cries when I am home. This is just really breaking my heart

Any advice?
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  #2  
August 25th, 2009, 05:44 PM
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Big Hugs. THis is seriously the hardest thing in the world and it too shall pass. My dd did the same thing for my DH for around 2 months on and off. He used the baby bjorn ( I think it was easier than any other carrier for him) the swing, and the stand at the kitchen counter with music on bouncing her in her chair methods. He could do NOTHING while I was gone and she went on a bottle strike after about a month of my being gone (She was @ 4 months old). He found that feeding her her bottle in her bouncy chair was the best option for them I think it helped her NOT think of me that she wasn't being held?? Who knows all I know is that by 6 months they were and remain still incredibly close, so thier attachment was not effected by the months of no hold feeding. He was not able to rock her to sleep until she was @9 months even though we bedshared with Daddy during those months. I really think the Dad and baby stay at home thing is a truly wonderful thng for everyone, its just very very hard to see that when you are so burdened with worry. Try to have faith that they will find thier groove. The fussy baby book (or just go on the Drsears site) has awesome ideas for fussy babies, I think thats how DH stumbled upon his success.

Can he bring her to you to nurse?
Has he tried feeding her with a dropper or spoon?
Does he wear her and walk outdoors?
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  #3  
August 26th, 2009, 05:39 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimber View Post
Can he bring her to you to nurse?
Has he tried feeding her with a dropper or spoon?
Does he wear her and walk outdoors?
i am gone 5 hours, door to door and so busy in my short workday that it may be hard to nurse her ( and we live 30 mins away)

he does not wear her, this is the only thing he has been reluctant to try, although i bought him a sling and a friend gave us their bjorn

he takes her outdoors which used to work, but has not lately, nor has driving in the car.
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  #4  
August 26th, 2009, 08:32 AM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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That must be sooo hard. Is there anyway he can return to work so you can stay home or is that not an option for you guys? I know I could not and would not be able to work knowing baby cried like that. She very well could grow out of it soon but in the meantime everyone is a wreck.

I'd say research all your options and write down the pros and cons of everything. There has to be an answer somewhere!
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  #5  
August 26th, 2009, 09:15 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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unfortunately, he is the SAHD and I am the one working. I only work 5 hours a day, so it is not horrible and we are barely able to pay our bills, but as long as we can pay the bills, I am not going to increase my hours yet. The economy sucks and DH lost his job in the spring and he was without a job for most of 2008 I hope she grows out of it soon. If not, we will all be going into work with me, which *may* work, as long as she is quiet, LOL.
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  #6  
August 26th, 2009, 11:20 AM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
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When I first went back to work Bella had problems. The best things I have found to help are:

these bottles Walmart.com: The First Years - Breastflow Bottle Starter Set, BPA Free: Feeding they are the only ones she will take.

Next, I left my shirt with my smell on it to be on the shoulder of the person holding her.

The other thing I tried was to get her to sleep before I left. That seemed to help things out in the beginning a lot.

I know its so hard but it will pass.
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  #7  
August 28th, 2009, 06:32 AM
mommabirdof4
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I have always brought my kiddo/s into work with me. I could never think of leaving them for that long. When my son was Zoe's age I just wore him while I worked and also had a bouncy seat for the times I had to put him down. When he got older he had a pack n play. Now with both of them I am not sure what I am going to do....more then likely I plan on getting a baby gate to put up so my son is more contained....and then just wear JoJo.

I have no other advice.....The longest I have been away from My son is 2 1/2 hours when he was 8 months...me and DH went to the movies.
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  #8  
August 28th, 2009, 06:54 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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Well, I could not wear Zoe at work and most of my patients are infertility patients, so having a baby in the office would be tricky if she made a lot of noise. This week some days have been better than others. Two days a week I work in the afternoon/evenings and three i work in the mornings/early afternoons. It seems she is much worse on the days I work in the evening. We will give it one more week and assess the situation. Bringing DH and DD to work would be last possible option. I would not even really be able to feed her at work, unless i extended my hours and made my schedule a little more flexible. I hope we can just find ways to soothe her here. DH has been trying the baby bjorn with my shirt stuffed in it but not too much success. It just breaks my heart for both of them, but Zoe is happy as can be when I am around, lol.
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  #9  
August 28th, 2009, 08:09 AM
mommabirdof4
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The evening thing makes since....kiddos seem to be a little fussier in the evenings in general I think...or at least my kiddos.
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  #10  
August 28th, 2009, 11:34 AM
HurricaneLady's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Does she have a routine yet? I know alot of people think schedules are awful, btu my LO was miserable for the 1st 2 months, I couldnt get him to nap or not be super fussy (unless being held/rocked/nursed) ALL day - until we introduced a schedule and he calmed down tremendously (we found this by accident bc I was preparing to go back to work and needed to figure out what to tell the sitter and how much milk to send ect)......once Parker knew that at 9am he was going to eat and then play and then nap at 10, ect ect ect he was sooooo happy - he is still amazing with his routine. I think some babies need to know what to expect KWIM? And they can tell that daddy is stressed (I know I would be if my LO screamed for 5 hrs)....so perhaps you can work together to devlop something for her and then when you are home try and take turns with her......I know you probably want to hold her and hog her the whole time since you havent gotten to see her but she may just need to get comfortable with him calming her as well (when he is not already nervous/stressed)........
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