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Newbie here, needing sleep help!


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  #1  
September 15th, 2009, 08:13 PM
CameraLinds's Avatar Zane & Jude's mama
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: UK
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I know there's probably a few threads with advise, but I don't have the time to search and read 5 different ones So I'm making one with our issues and hoping someone can offer ideas and advise what to do.

Let's see where to begin....
We started out co-sleeping till he was 5m. It no longer was working for us. He was a bedhog, mobile and I couldn't/wasn't getting any sleep. I became an insomniac and it was awful! It worked great until then. Then we transitioned him into his crib. But sometimes when we'd put him down in his crib he'd wake up screaming right away and wouldn't stop. Not sure why? Anyways so we'd put him asleep in his crib for naps and for bedtime but he'd end up in our bed throughout the night when he'd nurse. Which of course is affecting my sleep/rest again So I really want to help fix this part of the problem somehow.

Oh yea for the important info about DS:
DS will be 8 months old on Monday. He's about 22lbs, 29in. He has 2 bottom teeth. He's a very mobile crawler and puller upper. He's been crawling for almost 2 months as well as pulling up. He's still BF and has been on solids for almost 2 months. He BF every 3-4 hours round the clock. He eats maybe 1/2 of a stage 2 jar for breakfast, lunch and dinner, sometimes more.

He wakes up between 6:30-8:30 pending how his night went. He naps between 9:30-10 and naps till around 11-11:30 give or take what time he woke up. He naps again between 1:30-3 pending when he woke up from his first nap and naps till around 2:30-4. (sometimes more or less or course)

He has a bedtime routine....dinner, then bath, jammies/diaper, story, rock/nursed to sleep put into his crib. We've upped his bedtime to 7, is now when he falls asleep and we put him to bed. Previously it was 8ish and prior to that, due to DH's overtime hours DS would nap from about 7-9pm and then be up from 9 and not go to bed till 10:30 (shame on us, I know, but wasn't my fault, he wanted to see his daddy who he didn't see all day, I wanted him to know/see his daddy and DH wanted bonding time...so I know this probably has a play into all of this but I thought it took like a week to make a new habit or something...)

Anyways....The last few nights he's been waking up every hour but he'd stopped if we all got into bed together and went to sleep. (like I mentioned above....co-sleeping isn't working out and we want him to be in his own bed before whenever baby #2 comes along. Also, DH & I don't want to go to bed at 7ish! We want/need to spend quality time together) And some nights he wakes up around 3AM thinking it's morning and he's bright eyed and bushy tailed and will not go back down until 2 hours later, no matter what I try or do. This of course wears on me and makes me loose much needed sleep.

we've tried picking him up, rocking/walking around with him each time he wakes up crying and putting him back in his bed while patting him, but that doesn't work. He just continues to scream and stand up wanting to be picked up. It breaks my heart when he screams like that. Rocking/walking/singing/humming to him to try to get him back asleep doesn't always work. Most times after DH tries that he gives him to me to nurse him and he calms down and falls asleep.

The only way we can get him to sleep too is either rocking him, nursing him down or a stroller walk. I would love for him to be able to fall asleep on his own in his own bed, that's my ultimate goal. My first goal is to get him to sleep better/longer stretches then focus on him falling asleep in his own bed, unless somehow can work on both at once without tears!

I know he doesn't sleep enough either. He still eats every 3-4 hours too. He likes to wake up at 3 am and won't go back down for 2 hours either. He fights sleep constantly. I miss him being a newborn when sleep for all of us was tons easier for us.

Any ideas, please share! He needs to sleep more, better and I want him too too! *We won't be doing CIO but any other ideas that don't involve CIO are welcome *

---if you read my novel, congrats and thank you!!!!! Sorry it's so long, my fingers wouldn't stop talking!!
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  #2  
September 15th, 2009, 08:45 PM
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I dont know if it will help you but we have been very slowly working on getting DD to sleep in her crib. What we do is half an hour of cuddle time (DP) or breastfeeding (me) and then she goes into the crib. The crib is next to our bed so we just lay there. If she cries or complains we pat her or comfort her through the crib bars. She is getting used to being in there and falling asleep. Last night she didnt complain at all and the night before that she was OK with me sitting and turning my back to her. The way this method goes is that the parent slowly moves out of the room. This may take weeks but IMO it is worth it.

Btw she is 16 months and still wakes up at around 2 or so to eat. We cosleep half the night though so it isnt a bother for us.
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  #3  
September 15th, 2009, 09:39 PM
jacquelinejoy's Avatar Super Mommy
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First of all, I feel for you because lack of sleep is horrible. I don't think there is anything wrong with putting your LO down between 9-10 if that is what works for you. MY LO is 13 months and still goes to bed between 9-10 because that is what works for us and him.
Have you every tried to sidecar the crib by taking off the drop rail and pushing it up against your bed? It sounds like your LO is just very attached to you which is exactly like my guy. If he is comfortable with sidecaring the crib and will stay on his side then you could get him use to this and then try putting the railing back on after awhile while keeping the bed up close to yours and then slowly moving his crib farther away until he is at a comfortable distance from you and thus learning to sleep in his own bed knowing you are still close to him.

As for the waking and not being able to easily comfort him back to sleep. This is normal for most babies to associate different things with sleep. Alot of babies who wake will want to be put back to sleep the same way they were initially.

BTW, my LO is 13 months and still wakes 2-3 times and will only go back to sleep by being fed. That is just what works for him since we don't let him CIO.

I hope you find something that works for you.
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  #4  
September 16th, 2009, 05:27 AM
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Great ideas!! I was going to suggest sidecarring the crib.
Also, and I don't mean to sound insensitive, It sounds like he actually gets a good amount of sleep.
Can you get a nap in at one of his nap times? I forced myself to nap with DD for almost an entire year.It was kind of nice and cozy too.
My dd has NEVER needed more than 10 hours of sleep during any given day. Kids sleep needs really differ greatly and maybe just tweeking his evening schedule would help.
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  #5  
September 16th, 2009, 07:35 AM
jacquelinejoy's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimber View Post
Great ideas!! I was going to suggest sidecarring the crib.
Also, and I don't mean to sound insensitive, It sounds like he actually gets a good amount of sleep.
Can you get a nap in at one of his nap times? I forced myself to nap with DD for almost an entire year.It was kind of nice and cozy too.
My dd has NEVER needed more than 10 hours of sleep during any given day. Kids sleep needs really differ greatly and maybe just tweeking his evening schedule would help.
I have to second the napping idea too. My older DS was two before he ever would take a nap in a room alone. I always laid in our bed next to his crib to get him to fall asleep. Sometimes after he would fall asleep, I would sneak out of the room to get some things done around the house.
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  #6  
September 16th, 2009, 10:56 AM
CameraLinds's Avatar Zane & Jude's mama
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimber View Post
Great ideas!! I was going to suggest sidecarring the crib.
Also, and I don't mean to sound insensitive, It sounds like he actually gets a good amount of sleep.
Can you get a nap in at one of his nap times? I forced myself to nap with DD for almost an entire year.It was kind of nice and cozy too.
My dd has NEVER needed more than 10 hours of sleep during any given day. Kids sleep needs really differ greatly and maybe just tweeking his evening schedule would help.
Yes I nap when he is napping, which is how I survive, if I didn't there is no way I'd be able to. For a while, he'd only take one nap all day for like 30 minutes and he would only get 8 hours at night, which I know and could tell he needed more from his fussiness from being overtired. hence why we upped his bedtime from 10:30 to 8. Which has made a difference in his fussiness and getting him to bed. Prior it would take us from 9 to 10:30 to get him to bed, he would fight it and just not sleep, but once he was asleep he'd sleep for 3 hours and then wake to eat. But with his new bedtime at 7 or 8, he goes to bed very easily for me, no tears no fighting, he's usually out in 20 minutes compared to almost 2 hours, but he wakes up about every hour to eat insteed of every 3 and it takes about an hour each time to get him back to sleep which is how we both loose sleep, me especially.

Thanks for all the ideas/help everyone.
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  #7  
September 17th, 2009, 10:05 AM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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As i understand it your major issue is that you have problems co-sleeping because he is highly mobile and does not let you sleep right? In his own room then love in a lovely crib with a strict bedtime routine that involves relaxation methods, calm games before bed, massage, bath and milk. Put him in the crib and slowly leave the room. He will stand up and cry. Go in pick him up sooth him rock him, goodnight him and put him in again. I think first time i did this i did it for like 20 times? Now i do it once.....she never cries. And it was not a cio method. I never let her whine more than 5 seconds each time. He will get used to it if he is properly relaxed before bed, properly fed, comforted and taken care of and if he feels secure in this environment. You must finds a way for you to get some sleep as also for him. I always woke Stephie up when i slept with her.....that's one of the reasons why co-sleeping stopped early with us. She made me understand that she prefers to sleep on her own although I DON'T prefer to sleep away from her........ Now as to the frequent waking in the middle of the night i cannot say i know how to handle this. We never *YET* have had such issues. Maybe it is because he doesn't feel safe yet in the crib? or some kind of pain (teething) Shot in the dark.........

PS: i contrary to what has been said in a previous post don't think that so few hours are enough sleep for a baby this age. Appropriate sleep is 14 hours....spread in nighttime and naps. Sleep helps the brain develop, helps baby digest all the info they got during the day and it is the hour when the body repairs and heals itself faster. Sleep can never be too much or too over-estimated and i see as one of the most important aspects of a baby's development, well-being and of course pleasant mood. We cannot expect that to be managed every freaking single day, but we must try to accomplish it every freaking single day
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Last edited by Ellemphriem; September 17th, 2009 at 10:14 AM.
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  #8  
September 17th, 2009, 11:44 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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^^^^ Sorry but I have to disagree that 14 hrs is absolute. I have even had several Drs confirm that it is not. It an average. Some babies fall well under that, some need more than that. Like anything else it is a guideline. They say adults need 8...but again, my Dh will tell you 8 is too much for him & he is better off with 6...I on the other hand prefer 9-10 when I can get it (rarely these days). So although I get what you are saying & maybe your child fits that norm....all of those things are guidelines...no different than my child nursing every 2 hrs at 7 mos. & another baby doing 3-4 hrs. Each child is different & there are no absolutes with babies.

That being said I have little advice on the sleeping. We side carred our crib when space became an issue & we put Ds to sleep on the couch until we were ready for bed....and it worked for us, but that will totally depend on lifestyle (we had no other kids running around) and I liked him up later & he seemed to prefer it as well...that way he slept through me leaving for work in the mornings & we got more quality time at night (since mornings while I was trying to get the day started & get me ready for work were NOT quality time in my house). I think parenting is mostly trusting your gut, your child & figuring out what feels like the right fit for your family. It isn't easy, it seems to be trial & error, etc. One thing I can tell you about sidecarring your crib is that you can use those mesh panels that are meant to keep toddlers from falling out of bed between your bed & theirs too. If he gets used to that & is fine with it switch to the railing & then separate the beds. It can make for a smooth transition for many families.
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #9  
September 17th, 2009, 02:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellemphriem View Post
As i understand it your major issue is that you have problems co-sleeping because he is highly mobile and does not let you sleep right? In his own room then love in a lovely crib with a strict bedtime routine that involves relaxation methods, calm games before bed, massage, bath and milk. Put him in the crib and slowly leave the room. He will stand up and cry. Go in pick him up sooth him rock him, goodnight him and put him in again. I think first time i did this i did it for like 20 times? Now i do it once.....she never cries. And it was not a cio method. I never let her whine more than 5 seconds each time. He will get used to it if he is properly relaxed before bed, properly fed, comforted and taken care of and if he feels secure in this environment. You must finds a way for you to get some sleep as also for him. I always woke Stephie up when i slept with her.....that's one of the reasons why co-sleeping stopped early with us. She made me understand that she prefers to sleep on her own although I DON'T prefer to sleep away from her........ Now as to the frequent waking in the middle of the night i cannot say i know how to handle this. We never *YET* have had such issues. Maybe it is because he doesn't feel safe yet in the crib? or some kind of pain (teething) Shot in the dark.........
Lol I tried this but DD wasnt a fan. First time I went over 70 times, second night closer to 50 and third was just her crying constantly. She started out thinking it was a game but figured that it wasnt and got pissed.
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  #10  
September 18th, 2009, 12:46 AM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Originally Posted by Fluga View Post
Lol I tried this but DD wasnt a fan. First time I went over 70 times, second night closer to 50 and third was just her crying constantly. She started out thinking it was a game but figured that it wasnt and got pissed.
hehehehehe she is one smart cookie! If it comes to that then you must try something else. Fortunately (till now) for Stephie it became a good calm connection with sleep. So now she knows that she is going down for the night, feels quite secure in her crib and man she doesn't cry at ALL....... But it was tiring for a bit back there i remember. I mean she stood up cried, went in picked her up, rocked her, soothed her, sang to her, down again-pause-rewind-repeat.....a LOT of times!!!! Paid off (again TILL now) because i DREAD the terrible 2's and all the consequences they will have......i don't think i am ready for them.....
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  #11  
September 18th, 2009, 05:33 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellemphriem View Post
hehehehehe she is one smart cookie! If it comes to that then you must try something else. Fortunately (till now) for Stephie it became a good calm connection with sleep. So now she knows that she is going down for the night, feels quite secure in her crib and man she doesn't cry at ALL....... But it was tiring for a bit back there i remember. I mean she stood up cried, went in picked her up, rocked her, soothed her, sang to her, down again-pause-rewind-repeat.....a LOT of times!!!! Paid off (again TILL now) because i DREAD the terrible 2's and all the consequences they will have......i don't think i am ready for them.....
Well every child is different of course, but the two's haven't meant any sleep disturbances for us...just a LOT more activity & independence assertion....so have no fear momma! It certainly is an adventure but it is also a TON of fun - I can't wait to see what he is going to come up with next.
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #12  
September 18th, 2009, 02:32 PM
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Originally Posted by beck12 View Post
Well every child is different of course, but the two's haven't meant any sleep disturbances for us...just a LOT more activity & independence assertion....so have no fear momma! It certainly is an adventure but it is also a TON of fun - I can't wait to see what he is going to come up with next.
Say does Jonah give classes on how to sleep nicely?
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