Log In Sign Up

I just have to say...


Forum: Attachment Parenting

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Attachment Parenting LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
September 25th, 2009, 11:20 PM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Anaheim, CA
Posts: 7,096
Send a message via AIM to docsmomma
My parents and inlaws have always felt I was too "gung ho" about my parenting beliefs. Originally it was my mom telling me to just let Joey cry himself to sleep. And it was when he was diagnosed back in January and we learned the extent of his disease that she realized had I listened to her Joey could have died because of how impacted his airway was by this. Since then it has been almost everything else but I have stuck to my beliefs and refused to back down to anyone.

But I feel strongly that because of how we parent, we are more in tune to our children. We know when something is different about them, when something is wrong, even when no one else sees it. Wednesday night proved that to me.

Joey was playing with his brother and sister, he seemed fine to anyone else. But suddenly I saw a slight change in his breathing. Unnoticable to everyone else. Because of what we had gone through just 1 week before I flew into action and got an oxygen mask on him as I called 911. The EMT's thought I was crazy, his oxygen saturation was excellent, to them his breathing seemed fine. Even the ER doctor thought I was crazy and told me he would do a chest x-ray only to ease my mind but that Joey was just fine. I knew better. I saw the change, ever so slight. I was praying I was wrong, that it was my imagination or something.

But because I am in tune to my kids, I got Joey to the hospital when his lung was only partially collapsed. The doctor came back and asked me how I knew. I couldn't explain it. It wasn't any of the symptoms I was told to watch for. It was just a ever so slight change in his breathing pattern, one that anyone else would have thought was normal breathing for him. The EMT's and the ER doctor didn't see it.

I believe that once again being in tune to him, being an attachment parent, helped spare Joey more pain, more problems. This time his heart rate was still normal, and we got the chest tube in before it became life threatening.

His oncologist talked to me today. She said that it is because I saw that change so quickly, before he had any "real" symptoms, that he is doing so well now.

So if anyone else ever criticised my parenting, I have solid proof to back me up. And I just had to share that.

And by the way, now that the hospital staff has seen what our style of parenting has done they have backed off on restricting me in what we feel is best for Joey. Right now there is medical reason for him to be in the crib at night, and I don't argue that. But they have told me as soon as the chest tube is out they will not fight me on co-sleeping. And they have not once allowed him to cry the way they used to when I would need to leave the room.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
September 26th, 2009, 04:05 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: PA
Posts: 17,089
Send a message via Yahoo to mgm78
Way to go mom! I hope he gets the chest tube out soon. I totally believe what you say 110%.
__________________





Reply With Quote
  #3  
September 26th, 2009, 05:29 AM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Dreamland...........
Posts: 2,646
you are amazing....that is what it is all about. You are his MOM and no one else not even GOD can know him and FEEL him better than you do.....! Tell everyone who might have the audacity to criticize you again to stuff it......
__________________




" \m/ Now Im riding through the air
going to where no one dares
on the way Ill cross the line forevermore \m/ "

Reply With Quote
  #4  
September 26th, 2009, 08:36 AM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 11,465
I am so glad that you have stuck with your instincts! It is so amazing that you were able to notice that and spare him the extra pain.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #5  
September 26th, 2009, 11:56 AM
keekopeeko's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: virginia
Posts: 7,278
Quote:
Originally Posted by ♥Sarah♥ View Post
I am so glad that you have stuck with your instincts! It is so amazing that you were able to notice that and spare him the extra pain.
ditto.. go mama!

~Em
__________________
~Em, Married to Matt since 7/3/04. Mommy to Layla 3/29/06, Eva 10/18/08, Zeke 2/4/11 and Jonah 7/28/13

Reply With Quote
  #6  
September 26th, 2009, 05:48 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I can't believe the amount of crap you have had to put up with while going through all of this. GFY for sticking to what you know is true!
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




Reply With Quote
  #7  
September 26th, 2009, 08:07 PM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Anaheim, CA
Posts: 7,096
Send a message via AIM to docsmomma
Quote:
Originally Posted by beck12 View Post
I can't believe the amount of crap you have had to put up with while going through all of this. GFY for sticking to what you know is true!
The "crap" started again today when I HELD him because he was crying. Teh CHARGE NURSE called security and had me escorted out for a "15 minute break" because I held him... and told me "normal healthy children cry themselves to sleep."
Reply With Quote
  #8  
September 26th, 2009, 09:13 PM
Effervescence's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 6,791
Quote:
Originally Posted by docsmomma View Post
The "crap" started again today when I HELD him because he was crying. Teh CHARGE NURSE called security and had me escorted out for a "15 minute break" because I held him... and told me "normal healthy children cry themselves to sleep."
What????? Joey needs your comfort now more than ever! These people are screwed up. Isn't there any one that you can report them to???? I've never heard of anyone telling a mother that she couldn't pick up her sick child to comfort him. After all that Joey's been through, they want to deny him this basic comfort????

I told my mom what they were doing to you earlier- She is an ICU nurse, and used to be in nurse management. She couldn't believe it, and told me that if any of her staff had treated a family the way you've been treated, that she would have at the very least given them a written warning and even fired them depending on the extent. There has to be some one you can tell who can get this craziness to stop.

Oh, I am so ANGRY for you! I am sorry that they are doing this.

You are a strong mama. More awesome than any other mothers I know. I wish that the hospital staff could see this in you. They don't know what they're missing
__________________


Click the blinkies!

Thank You, Pattyandthemoos, for my beautiful siggy!

Last edited by Effervescence; September 26th, 2009 at 09:17 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
September 26th, 2009, 09:45 PM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Anaheim, CA
Posts: 7,096
Send a message via AIM to docsmomma
Quote:
Originally Posted by Effervescence View Post
What????? Joey needs your comfort now more than ever! These people are screwed up. Isn't there any one that you can report them to???? I've never heard of anyone telling a mother that she couldn't pick up her sick child to comfort him. After all that Joey's been through, they want to deny him this basic comfort????

I told my mom what they were doing to you earlier- She is an ICU nurse, and used to be in nurse management. She couldn't believe it, and told me that if any of her staff had treated a family the way you've been treated, that she would have at the very least given them a written warning and even fired them depending on the extent. There has to be some one you can tell who can get this craziness to stop.

Oh, I am so ANGRY for you! I am sorry that they are doing this.

You are a strong mama. More awesome than any other mothers I know. I wish that the hospital staff could see this in you. They don't know what they're missing

Thank you for your kind words. I have been crying since they made me leave for that time, but I now have it set in my mind to contact a local paper and tell them what really happens here. I understood not picking him the first day, he was not stable enough and it hurt him to move him, but now they keep telling me to keep him sitting (um, impossible when you won't let me hold him!) and threatening me. I requested a transfer to another hospital (farther away) and they threatened to call CPS for trying to transfer him when he was not stable enough. If he's stable enough to be on the regular Oncology floor he is stable enough to be transfered to another hospital! But I can't find a hospital close enough that has experience with his disease. The only other childrens hospital we could transfer to has no experience with LCH, which I just found out. So we are stuck.

I am asking tomorrows doctor (who I know and love very much, she's compassionate and caring) to write an order stating that Joey can co-sleep so the nurse can't create problems again tomorrow evening (he'll be off the chest tube so he will be able to co-sleep safely). I am also going to request that this specific nurse not be involved in Joey's care, regardless of being a charge nurse.

Now that nurse is gone for the day, and tonights nurse is great. Most of the staff is great, its just a certain handful of people that I have issues with, and they are the ones who believe in cry it out and try to force it on me and the ones who have issues with me holding him at any time he wants to be held and co-sleeping.

I think what really got me going to begin with is they keep assigning a male sitter, who can't leave the room apparently and I have trust issues with men. Its common sense to me that you don't have a male sitter at night when you know the mom is staying the night...
Reply With Quote
  #10  
September 27th, 2009, 04:39 AM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 11,465
You poor thing. I cant even begin to image how you have stayed calm through all of this. I would have flipped my lid. Why would they tell you to let him cry? I just do not understand how it can be healthy for any child, let alone a child who is sick and just wants mommy. My heart is breaking for you.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #11  
September 27th, 2009, 05:00 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: PA
Posts: 17,089
Send a message via Yahoo to mgm78
omg. i would contact the paper. sheesh. i hope the doctor you like can help you today with orders for cosleeping and *gasP* holding your child. ACK! That just blows my mind. They escorted you out? I have never heard of something like that.

What is so flipping ironic is that my aunt, i am pretty sure, has Munchausin by proxy with my cousin (who is now 18, but this has been going on for 10 years) and no one at the Childrens Hospital ever stepped in and stopped it or investigated it, but here you are, trying to HOLD and CONSOLE your child and they want to call CPS? Ugh. Stay strong, mama!
__________________





Reply With Quote
  #12  
September 27th, 2009, 10:20 AM
MommaNator's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,773
I am aghast!!! Appalled!!! The charge nurse separated you from your child by security simply because you were holding him? I would have been homicidal. You can use her own argument against her: "healthy children cry themselves to sleep" -- well sadly, Joey is not healthy right now so he should not cry himself to sleep. I firmly believe in NO child crying to sleep, ever! I sincerely hope that today's doctor can assist you in keeping the troublemakers off your son's case. Honestly, those nurses are trying to enforce their own parenting beliefs onto you using their authority as nurses... but they are there for medical reasons so they can take their parenting beliefs and stuff it.
__________________

Thanks Julie_aka_Mommy!


Reply With Quote
  #13  
September 27th, 2009, 01:35 PM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Anaheim, CA
Posts: 7,096
Send a message via AIM to docsmomma
Administration came in today, after I spoke with Patient rights. For administration to come in on SUNDAY is a miracle, so I had a long talk with them. They spoke with security and determined this charge nurse stepped out of line and they are "handling it". Normally I wouldn't put much clout into that, but I did manage to see what happened (her shift was over within 2 hours of starting). Now I had only asked for them to speak with the staff about respecting parental and patient rights, I did not ask for anything else because I have to deal with these staff on a regular basis and do not want retaliation in my sons medical care. And this nurse was in the room when I stated I jsut wanted the staff to be spoken with about respecting parental and patient rights.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
September 28th, 2009, 06:22 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: PA
Posts: 17,089
Send a message via Yahoo to mgm78
Glad you were able to talk to the Patients rights people and I hope things go a bit better. How's Joey doing today?
__________________





Reply With Quote
  #15  
September 28th, 2009, 06:43 AM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: belfast, northern ireland
Posts: 1,563
Hi,
I dont get online much at the moment, and still have to get postcards off to your older ones. Things have been a bit mad here, but nothing to what you are going through. I'm glad patients rights got involved, and I hope things go better now. Hopefully if the dr writes the order for co sleeping it will help. I can certainly appreciate having a sitter in the room if the parents are unable to stay, but why they would have one with the mother present is beyond me.
If you do have trouble again though you might ask the nurse to put her decision to violate your parental rights in writing, so as to avoid misundersatndings in the unfortunate event that this is takent o a patients rightstribunal, or even a lawsuit in the future. I annoyed the hospital so much with requests for written statements ( which I never got, but they backed down ever time I asked for one), that in the end they pretty much left me alone, although i did get a few snide comments still.
Sorry you have all this on top of everything else, we've a saying here, bad things come in 3's but after 3 bad things your luck is meant to turn, my but you are certainly overdue for a change in luck!
All the best!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #16  
September 28th, 2009, 06:50 AM
broxi3781's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: belfast, northern ireland
Posts: 1,563
Hi,
I dont get online much at the moment, and still have to get postcards off to your older ones. Things have been a bit mad here, but nothing to what you are going through. I'm glad patients rights got involved, and I hope things go better now. Hopefully if the dr writes the order for co sleeping it will help. I can certainly appreciate having a sitter in the room if the parents are unable to stay, but why they would have one with the mother present is beyond me.
If you do have trouble again though you might ask the nurse to put her decision to violate your parental rights in writing, so as to avoid misundersatndings in the unfortunate event that this is takent o a patients rightstribunal, or even a lawsuit in the future. I annoyed the hospital so much with requests for written statements ( which I never got, but they backed down ever time I asked for one), that in the end they pretty much left me alone, although i did get a few snide comments still.
Sorry you have all this on top of everything else, we've a saying here, bad things come in 3's but after 3 bad things your luck is meant to turn, my but you are certainly overdue for a change in luck!
All the best!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #17  
September 28th, 2009, 08:31 AM
sunshine411's Avatar Let's go MAVS!!!!
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Where everything is bigger....
Posts: 5,894
Quote:
Originally Posted by docsmomma View Post
Administration came in today, after I spoke with Patient rights. For administration to come in on SUNDAY is a miracle, so I had a long talk with them. They spoke with security and determined this charge nurse stepped out of line and they are "handling it". Normally I wouldn't put much clout into that, but I did manage to see what happened (her shift was over within 2 hours of starting). Now I had only asked for them to speak with the staff about respecting parental and patient rights, I did not ask for anything else because I have to deal with these staff on a regular basis and do not want retaliation in my sons medical care. And this nurse was in the room when I stated I jsut wanted the staff to be spoken with about respecting parental and patient rights.
Im so glad to read this. I just read about what happened on Joey's caringbridge page and was appalled at what I read. You have amazing strength and I am so glad you fight to do what is best for Joey everyday. Dont ever let them tell you your parenting is wrong.

Hugs Mama and I'm still praying for you guys.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #18  
September 28th, 2009, 08:54 AM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Anaheim, CA
Posts: 7,096
Send a message via AIM to docsmomma
Quote:
Originally Posted by mgm78 View Post
Glad you were able to talk to the Patients rights people and I hope things go a bit better. How's Joey doing today?
Today he is doing good. We had a long debate yesterday over vaccinations and finally agreed to the flu shot only (and only because of the level of lung disease he has and how risky him getting the flu would be) this year (and never again) and to discuss swine flu vaccination next month, with no promises of doing it.

We got his chemo schedule for the week. Today he has chemo 11 A-1 P, then 11P-1A for 5 days and starting tomorrow he will also get chemo at 9 A-11 A (different chemo) for 5 days as well.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
September 28th, 2009, 10:56 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: PA
Posts: 17,089
Send a message via Yahoo to mgm78
Glad he is doing well today. good luck with the chemo. I work in healthcare and a lot of my patients are pregnant and I have an unvax'ed infant and did decide to get the flu shot today after long deliberation. The dr had one without preservatives and mercury for me. I always got a flu shot as a child because I had bad asthma.
__________________





Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:19 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0