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do you ever feel lonely in your AP style?


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
October 2nd, 2009, 05:16 AM
cln1812's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 1,082
I am lucky in that I have DH's support when it comes to cosleeping, extended BF'ing, and not crying it out, but lately, I've just felt alone and isolated in my parenting style.

However, I stopped attending my mom's group several months ago I hated how the ladies all commented on how attached DD was to me and they kept saying I should just put her down and let her CIO and she'd get the picture. And everyone proudly announced how young their LO's were when they started CIO and STTN. Not one mom there BF longer than 6 weeks. They all seemed to think it was weird that I was BF'ing a near 1 year old, and after DD turned one and I would nurse her if she asked for "milk" or "booby" (she still won't drink cow's milk), I started to just get weird looks from the other moms. I never brought up my cosleeping to them because I was sure I was alone in that too. I hate that we don't have playdates any more but I couldn't stand feeling so alone in my parenting philosophy and feeling like I had to constantly bite my tongue.

My mom doesn't get it either. She was supportive of my BF'ing DD until she turned 1. Now I get "When are you going to wean? Have you weaned yet? I sure hope you won't be BF'ing a 3 year old!" from her. A few weeks ago, she disrupted my evening to call and tell me some show was on TV that talked about how to get your child out of sleeping in bed with you. I told her, "Mom, it's not a problem that Tessa still sleeps with us." She said, "Really?!" and I could tell by her tone of voice that she didn't believe me

I don't know. I really wish we had playdates or something but I find it hard to bite my tongue when the moms have a younger LO and they start all this CIO talk and are so adamant about getting their baby to STTN. I don't know any AP moms IRL except some of the moms at my LLL group, but most of the regulars drive from all over Houston (my group leader is a midwife who assisted in their child's homebirth), and having to drive 30-45 minutes in heavy traffic for a playdate seems like too much hassle.
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  #2  
October 2nd, 2009, 05:32 AM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: PA
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(((hugs)))) I only know one other momma who is AP in the area. We do not really know many parents. I started to going to a baby and mommy yoga group and home that, eventually, thru that, I can meet some AP parents.
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  #3  
October 2nd, 2009, 07:16 AM
Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 9,490
hugs!!!!! i know exactly how you feel...my mom and dad are thesame as your mom...and the only people we know that ever bf'd longer than a year werent great examples...

Anyway...I know how you feel!!! I have very few people in real life that understand or have similar lifestyles...hugs
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Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
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  #4  
October 2nd, 2009, 07:19 AM
Moldovandish's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Raleigh, NC
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I don't breastfeed anymore, but I don't ler my daughter cry it out hardly at all and we recently moved her into our room and attached her bed to ours and we all sleep much better that way.

I do get criticisms from my in-laws who live so close, but don't want to babysit much around sleep time because they feel that DD wants too much attention before she can fall asleep and they don't want her to sleep in their room or go to her when she's up in the middle of the night.

My parents are actually encouraging us to have her in our room but they are across the globe.

It sucks how so many people want to move their kids out and make them independant early on. This si so selfish IMO.
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  #5  
October 2nd, 2009, 08:33 AM
Resi's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 14,588
I understand where you are coming from. The few mommy friends I've made parent differently than me in every way.

Have you tried looking into a AP playgroup in your area? If you go on here: Finding your Tribe - MotheringDotCommunity Forums you can click on your state area and try to get together with other AP moms.
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  #6  
October 2nd, 2009, 01:05 PM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 11,465
((HUGS)) I wish I had some advice for you but I don't. I am very outspoken person and I will tell anyone in a heartbeat that we do things the way things work for us and if they don't like it, they don't have to do it. I also let them know (if they are interested) in the reasons why I do what I do.

I hope you can find more AP mom's in your area that can relate with you.
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  #7  
October 2nd, 2009, 05:03 PM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I feel the same way in some aspects. I was very fortunate however to find a moms group that is very AP on Meetup. They never advertised as AP, just as a group of moms in our area looking for friends for the kids. When I first joined I was nervous about how they would view our parenting, but I went to the first playdate and was amazed. Over the past year I've been involved with them, I have found many of them wear their kids, even the toddlers/preschoolers, BF (some beyond a year), co-sleep, etc... We have a few Traditional parenting moms, but the majority is AP. I went through a few playgroups before I found them and am happy we did.
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  #8  
October 2nd, 2009, 09:10 PM
(.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.)
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I know how you feel too. I recently left a playgroup we were in because the moms can't understand.

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  #9  
October 3rd, 2009, 06:03 AM
10x_A_Mommy's Avatar formerly mom_of_8
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 7,712
I feel the same way. None of mine or dh's family is supportive of the breastfeeding (his not at all, mine once baby gets near 1 yr old thinks i should stop). They are all against the cosleeping, think I should make them CIO, and my mom will often say "_______ needs an a--whooping!". I can talk openly to my sister in law about all of this, and she is very supportive even though she did the CIO, spanking, no breastfeeding, etc. So while it is helpful to have her ear - it's hard because she's doesn't really "get it", no matter how hard she tries to.

With 6 kids in the house my kids pretty much have 24/7 playdates right here with each other, so getting out really isn't all that much of a big deal to me. My local moms group that I've been with for 4 years now, none are AP but a few are intrigued by the babywearing, and how I can handle breastfeeding so long, etc. One that is TTC has even been asking me a lot about cloth diapers lately

But even though there are some that try to be supportive, I still always feel like the "odd man out".
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  #10  
October 3rd, 2009, 05:25 PM
Tofu Bacon
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I'm finding that it becomes less of an issue as the kids get older; its like we're all facing similar challenges, regardless of how we parent. As far as things like full-term breastfeeding, I only know a handfull of moms who do/did, but no one has made us feel awkard about it. I guess maybe its a regional thing? People are pretty much "live and let live" here.
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