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The power of 'no'


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  #1  
October 14th, 2009, 02:59 PM
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I was wondering about the word 'no'. It is one that toddlers know but it seems from reading the boards that a lot of them ignore it. I was just so surprised today that twice I told DD no as she was reaching for something (different objects) but twice she looked at me and stopped. The thing is I havent been expecting her to obey the word no. It got me wondering if the way I have used it has made any difference. I have still used it much more than some parenting books say you should.

I think that the most times I use it would be something like "no do not take that object" while either moving it away or moving her or then a more chattier one: "No this is not a toy, I realize that it looks like it is fun but these arent good for babies".

I have been generally relaxed in my parenting and using "no" in a non yelling or threatening way has just gone with that. So either I'm blessed with a well behaved angel of a child (of course I am ) or then I'm onto something... unless of course it's both.
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  #2  
October 14th, 2009, 03:49 PM
ItalySarah's Avatar Proud Attached Mommy
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I have always used "no" sparingly for situations where I mean business. That is just what works for us. I hope that your baby girl continues to listen to you so good!!
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  #3  
October 15th, 2009, 12:49 PM
superwoman8977's Avatar Awesome Mommy!
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whoo hoo! Awesome. Teaching your daughter no will make things so much easier in the discipline dept. Yay for you!
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  #4  
October 15th, 2009, 03:00 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fluga View Post
So either I'm blessed with a well behaved angel of a child (of course I am ) or then I'm onto something... unless of course it's both.
Of course she is an angel...and then there is also those times when they change everything up on you & go through phases where you have to find what works NOW... Glad this is working for you!
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #5  
October 15th, 2009, 07:50 PM
(.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.)
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18 WAYS TO SAY "NO" POSITIVELY
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  #6  
October 16th, 2009, 09:39 AM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I just recently have started saying "no" more than I ever thought I would....and it's ALWAYS for the same reason. He is either playing with a plug in an outlet, trying to eat the dog food, or dumping over the garbage can.

I stopped using the outlets he was always going after and baby proofed them instead. Put the dog dishes up unless the dog is actually eating. I haven't figured out how to baby proof the garbage can yet though. I am working on it

Now he no longer has to hear mommy say "No" so much.....and we are both a lot happier.

When you say "No" to him he shakes his head "Yes". He is only 8 months old so it's pretty funny.
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Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (22) Amanda (19) Matthew ( 4) and Daniel (3).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (23) and Krista (20)
step-grandma to: Wesley (3), Rosemarie (7 months)



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon. He was our 7th loss
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. She was our 8th loss Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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  #7  
October 16th, 2009, 10:13 AM
keekopeeko's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Bobbie* View Post
I just recently have started saying "no" more than I ever thought I would....and it's ALWAYS for the same reason. He is either playing with a plug in an outlet, trying to eat the dog food, or dumping over the garbage can.

I stopped using the outlets he was always going after and baby proofed them instead. Put the dog dishes up unless the dog is actually eating. I haven't figured out how to baby proof the garbage can yet though. I am working on it

Now he no longer has to hear mommy say "No" so much.....and we are both a lot happier.

When you say "No" to him he shakes his head "Yes". He is only 8 months old so it's pretty funny.
we have "baby proofed" all of those things in our house as well. my poor dog is probably dehydrated.. i keep his water and food bowl up except for evas nap time or if we are gone.. and i also keep the trash cans up.. hehe.. so instead of under our computer desk its on TOP of the desk.. etc..

MY problem is the base board heaters.. there really isnt any way to baby proof those.. im considering just bundling everybody up for the winter and not turning on the heat.. hehe.. save us money!

~Em
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  #8  
October 16th, 2009, 12:06 PM
HurricaneLady's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by (.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.) View Post

Thanks for this, we are just started to really "need" the word no and I am finding it a challenge.
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  #9  
October 16th, 2009, 12:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beck12 View Post
Of course she is an angel...and then there is also those times when they change everything up on you & go through phases where you have to find what works NOW... Glad this is working for you!

Nooooo! she's going to stay well tempered until she is 18 and moves out of my house

I am really counting my blessings with how easy going she is. It amazes me that I can block her from "fun" stuff and take things away from her and she wont complain.

Michelle, thanks for the article. I dont seem to be so bad with the 'no' yet since I tend to use it with a lot of explaining as I said in the OP.
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Gratulerer med fødselsdagen
Luftputefartøyet mitt er fullt av ål
Ett språk er aldri nok
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  #10  
October 16th, 2009, 02:03 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fluga View Post
Nooooo! she's going to stay well tempered until she is 18 and moves out of my house
For your sake I really am hoping that is true! I have heard of kids that do - though few & far between...LOL

Seriously though, parenting seems like I have to keep reinventing myself & my parenting approach as each new phase of his life begins & he makes new challenges for me. It's fun & certainly stimulating, but EXHAUSTING! LOL
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B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #11  
October 16th, 2009, 03:32 PM
HS&Fsmom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hugo has understood and responded to "no" for a good while now. Probably since he turned 1. Now he tells himself when he's about to get into something, "Hugo- NO." I really try not to use it a lot, just in non-negotiable situations. If it's something that's not going to end the world, I redirect him or distract him first.
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  #12  
October 16th, 2009, 06:10 PM
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  #13  
October 16th, 2009, 07:08 PM
superwoman8977's Avatar Awesome Mommy!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Bobbie* View Post
I just recently have started saying "no" more than I ever thought I would....and it's ALWAYS for the same reason. He is either playing with a plug in an outlet, trying to eat the dog food, or dumping over the garbage can.

I stopped using the outlets he was always going after and baby proofed them instead. Put the dog dishes up unless the dog is actually eating. I haven't figured out how to baby proof the garbage can yet though. I am working on it

Now he no longer has to hear mommy say "No" so much.....and we are both a lot happier.

When you say "No" to him he shakes his head "Yes". He is only 8 months old so it's pretty funny.
Wanted to let you know you can get a garbage can that has a lid that can only be opened by someone taller than the garbage can. My bil has one and they love it because the kids cant get in it I think they got it at Walmart. Just an idea about the trash can.
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  #14  
October 16th, 2009, 07:43 PM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I use the word no and i have started without even thinking about it when she started trying things out that i considered dangerous. Never knew about the power of no or never any articles or books before this post about it. It came as natural to me as saying no to anyone else that might do something dangerous. She always listens to the no command. It is always in a low voice and very strict (not because i mean it, but because that moment that is how it comes out of me), the change in that tone is what keeps her at bay at that moment. Of course second number 2 she is trying the dangerous dead again LOL...... so i just take advantage of the first impression of the no and remove her from the bad situation and then she forgets about it...... But in that sense i suppose she hears the word no pretty well for her age also. Don't think it's gonna last though since toddlers are infamous for breaking rules because they wanna learn how the world works.......oh well......we will see
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  #15  
October 17th, 2009, 05:38 AM
Tofu Bacon
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I try to use it sparingly, so I don't sound like a broken record, lol. With ds I have found the too much "no" makes him makes him more defiant, so I stick to stuff like "Uh oh, that's mama's purse. Where do you think it belongs?" "Candy before lunch? I think we'll wait until after lunch so we don't get tummyaches. Which piece would you like to have after lunch?" But admittedly, by the end of the day I am worn out from explaining and sometimes to fall back on "no" and the old "because I said so"

Last edited by Tofu Bacon; October 17th, 2009 at 05:40 AM.
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  #16  
October 17th, 2009, 08:06 AM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The problem is here he just pushes it till he knocks it over. I think maybe a stainless steel one might work because it is heavier....hmmm man they are expensive though!
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Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (22) Amanda (19) Matthew ( 4) and Daniel (3).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (23) and Krista (20)
step-grandma to: Wesley (3), Rosemarie (7 months)



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon. He was our 7th loss
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. She was our 8th loss Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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  #17  
October 17th, 2009, 08:09 AM
mommabirdof4
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We try to use the word "stop" more then "no" so if he is about to step off the porch and fall...I say stop and he knows to look at me...then I tell him no to tep off the porch because last time he fell. Or if he is messing with something..."stop" works good. He does know what "no" means but I don't want to sound like a broken record.

On the trash can issue....I screwed my cheap plastic one to the wall I used a super long screw....put some washers on it so it stood out from the wall some so the bag could easyly get put in and taken out. My dog loved to get in it.
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  #18  
October 17th, 2009, 10:51 AM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nktigger99 View Post

On the trash can issue....I screwed my cheap plastic one to the wall I used a super long screw....put some washers on it so it stood out from the wall some so the bag could easyly get put in and taken out. My dog loved to get in it.

hey GREAT idea! thanks!
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Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (22) Amanda (19) Matthew ( 4) and Daniel (3).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (23) and Krista (20)
step-grandma to: Wesley (3), Rosemarie (7 months)



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon. He was our 7th loss
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. She was our 8th loss Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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  #19  
October 20th, 2009, 09:20 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
We have a wooden one made for us as a gift...nothing fancy - but it's great. It is wayyyy too heavy for Jonah to have ever knocked over & very tall..so he JUST now can start throwing away things to be helpful. The ONLY bummer is he can't lift the lid, so we have to leave it open if he wants to use it, otherwise we get trash stacked ON the lid. The NICE thing about the lid was that when he first could reach it he tried to throw everything away...so it kept that from happening.
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #20  
October 21st, 2009, 05:54 AM
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I'm happy that I made this topic because it has given me plenty of tips on what else to say to her. It inspired me to starts saying "hot" about the stove, I hadnt figured that. Whether she keeps listening to no or not (I have this fear that one day just overnight she'll turn into a screaming tantruming toddler) it is great to have variety in what I am telling her.
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