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I just really suffer from know-it-all syndrome. I just am finding it difficult to not make comments about others parenting choices. I know I shouldn't and most of the time I am able to keep quiet but argh! DH and I are "friends" with a woman (used to work with her like 8 yrs ago) who had a baby a month before I had Katie. Well she always comments on her FB page about stuff that makes me cringe... DH is the only FB user in the house but (and this is cute) he always says well K (our friend) is doing blah blah can you belive that ??? (he is proud of cloth diapering, AP, etc!!) Before Katie was born K told him to make sure to tell me to get an epi at 2cm and to just schedule a C-section because they are so great and easier and blah blah the pain is so horrible, etc. (she knew we wanted to/had a natural birth) She posts yesterday about how she only takes her baby out of the crib for 6hrs a day in 3 scheduled increments... I was like W T F?!? DH (who is well informed about most AP/natural stuff) was totally shocked. 6 HOURS a day? He said that she lets the baby cry the rest of the time because K needs more down time... say what?! You know so she can play video games! I don't remember the last time I was able to sit through a tv show without being interrupted. If Katie isn't asleep she is with either DH or myself interacting with us (actually she is with us pretty much all the time). I just can't believe it - 6 hours!?
Anyway, K wants to have a 'play date' with our babies but I think that I won't be able to keep my mouth shut about all the crud she does. I am very proud of how I gave birth and chose to raise my child. I did a lot of research into everything before I made the choices I did. I tend to just blurt stuff out to anyone I think isn't doing the right thing with their baby. How do I keep my mouth shut? Should I? What do you all do?
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Last edited by meritaten; May 17th, 2010 at 07:50 AM.
6 hours are you freaking kidding me! I would be skipping that playdate if I were you. I don't have any advice on how to keep your mouth shut cause I have the same problem. I have managed up to this point not to say much to other people but it is becoming harder and harder.
Ya...I would not be doing that play date....sorry just not worth it. I would say something I know it.
On the crib thing...I have had people tell me that...just to live the kids in a playpen all day...so I can get things done and do what I want...ya not going to happen!
I'm going to be the odd duck out and say that you should keep the play date and try to influence her in a positive manner. It doesn't sound like you would be heart broken if she cut ties so really have nothing to lose.
I'm going to be the odd duck out and say that you should keep the play date and try to influence her in a positive manner. It doesn't sound like you would be heart broken if she cut ties so really have nothing to lose.
x 100! It may be that she needs someone with more gentle ways to kind of set an example. If she does something you don't like or don't agree with, bite your tongue so that she can see how you do things. I KNOW its hard. I have a lot of friends that are not as AP as I am but sometimes, you have to look past that so you can help them learn their way. It might be that she doesn't know any better. You have an opportunity to show her how things can be done with the baby out of the crib more.
I am a know-it-all too but I know when to just shut my mouth. Coming off as a pushy AP parent does not help anything. I can't stand pushy people anyway but you catch more flies with honey...lol
Now, I wouldn't only have my kid out of her crib 6 hours a day BUT- we all need to keep in mind that AP is not for everyone. Its a choice and some people are not good with the whole aspect of AP. Shoving your beliefs down their throat will only make it worse. They will see you as the crazy friend who thinks her way is the best. (And it may be best for you...).
Anyway, whatever you choose, I think it will be the right thing for you guys.
i completely agree. i have an aunt that is an awful parent in my opinion. her kid is almost three and is still not allowed to drink from a real cup or eat out of a high chair caz his mom doesnt want to have to 'clean up' after him. why have a kid if ur not prepared to take care of them? she did and still does alot of things that are not safe/good for him and i am constantly researching things to present to her. she has made a few changes after some of the things i confronted her about, so there is hope. some people just arent educated and go by what their parent or friend has done or said to do. bad advice, etc. i would research the dangers to the childs development from what she is doing and have that knowledge ready to confront her when brought up at the play date... i wish you the best of luck with however you decide to handle the situation though
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Last edited by Jacobbbsmommy; May 17th, 2010 at 04:18 PM.
A playdate would be of great benefit to the baby. I have to add that if she truly does leave her baby in her crib 18 hours a day she is probably commiting something incredably close to neglect and if it is the case,honestly should be reported. If nothing else she and her SO will get a wake-up call and possibly some good parenting intervention/coaching.
If she seems responsive to you and your family it would be nice to try and help her out with her parenting skills . You don't have to push AP in this case, I'd guide her toward recognizing her babies need for stimulation and attention!
ohhh I am the same way, so I really don't have any advice. I just try to hold my tongue and when it seems appropriate I talk about our policies in a "this is what we do.. not that I am telling you that you should do it this way" sort of way. I have such a hard time keeping my mouth shut sometimes though. I have a "friend" that I don't really see eye to eye with as well... not to the extent of your situation (6 hours a day is RIDICULOUS) but still it is hard. She is the one who really needs to learn to keep her mouth shut. She had her son 3 months after I had DS and she is constantly trying to give me advice. She doesn't agree with the way I am choosing to raise DS. I have started to kinda "Oh really.. that's how you are doing it? We are doing it this way.".. She rolls her eyes at me a lot.
Ugh. I know ap isn't for everybody, but why even have kids if you are goiing to view them as an inconvenience? 6 hours a day, wth? That sounds horrible.
Good luck if you decide to keep the playdate, and let us know how it goes.
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OMG!! That Is horrible! I know that some AP stuff is not for everyone, but 6 hrs a day out of the crib is verging on, if not already child abuse! U should keep the playdate just to get the poor chlild some time out of the crib. Sorry to spaz out but that just seems crazy to me.
Maybe (and this is a real maybe) if you talk to her it won't be as bad as it sounds...some people try to be funny & the point is lost when typing - so HOPEFULLY that wasn't serious...and if it was perhaps you could influence her to try baby wearing as a way to get things done & have down time without neglecting the baby's needs???? Beyond that IDK - I think it might be best to keep teh one play date, see if you can get through it without ripping your hair out or reaming her & then go from there. I can't imagine she KNOWS how bad that is for the baby or she wouldn't be doing it...right (I HOPE)???
__________________ B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr. A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet
I was thinking about this post this morning. Some days Echo sleeps 12 hours at night and has one two hour and two one hour naps. If she slept in a crib, instead of in my lap or in bed with me, she would be in it for 16 hours on those days. Maybe this is what she meant?
I really hope it's just that the baby is sleeping that much and not just crying the whole time. I know that she is a CIO fan though. She never really wanted this baby (she was a honeymoon accident) so I don't really know what goes on in her mind!
OMG!! That Is horrible! I know that some AP stuff is not for everyone, but 6 hrs a day out of the crib is verging on, if not already child abuse! U should keep the playdate just to get the poor chlild some time out of the crib. Sorry to spaz out but that just seems crazy to me.
Sorry, I know AP isn't for everyone but taking care of your baby IS!!! Taking your baby out of their crib more than 6 hours a day is NOT AP - it's HUMANE. Leaving your baby in their crib for 18 hours a day is ABUSE. I don't care what type of parent you are. It's freaking abuse & needs to be reported to the authorities.
As for the play date, I don't think one play date is going to change someone this heartless & cruel. I obviously have my own problems of not keeping my mouth shut. There is no way that I could NOT say something to this person. (and this has nothing to do with being AP or TP either).
x 100! It may be that she needs someone with more gentle ways to kind of set an example. If she does something you don't like or don't agree with, bite your tongue so that she can see how you do things. I KNOW its hard. I have a lot of friends that are not as AP as I am but sometimes, you have to look past that so you can help them learn their way. It might be that she doesn't know any better. You have an opportunity to show her how things can be done with the baby out of the crib more. 
B - Crazy momma to my two boys 
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