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Can they be TOO attached?


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
July 9th, 2011, 10:23 PM
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This week we went camping with my mom and my sister and her kids. My little guy is 13 months old. He sees them all on a pretty regular basis and loves them. He was the easiest baby ever. Always laughing and smiling, loved everyone, would sleep anywhere. Suddenly he is so anxious about a lot of things (slides, baths, blanking on others). I figured this was a developmental thing and didn't worry about it too much. On this trip however I became painfully aware that all of a sudden he won't tolerate me even putting him down at my feet for a second. It took me an entire day to tidy up the house to leave for the dog sitter when I was trying to leave in the a.m. as my OH had packed up the car for us the night before. He wouldn't leave me for a minute. I wore him around as much as I could, but it gets challenging to change our sheets and carry heavy things with a baby strapped onto my body, not to mention that it's not safe in some instances.

While camping he would be fine playing with my family ... until he heard or saw me and then the insane shrieking and tearful crying would start. I couldn't even put him down to unzip the tent to go in or out without him losing his mind. My mom and sister are extremely loving and gentle with him. I have no worries that if I left him with them for a short time that they would honour my wishes for his care...but I feel badly for putting them all through it. I couldn't even go for a shower. When my mom walked him back from the beach in his stroller she put a blanket over the shade so that he couldn't see that it was her since she didn't want him to have to scream the whole way home.

I just felt really defeated by the end of the trip. I have that baby. The one that cries at every moment that things aren't going exactly as he wished. I feel really good about our parenting choices to this point. He cosleeps, we still nurse on demand, I wear him quite often, and basically spend all of my time with him. It has become a bit of an issue now that I'd love to be able to get anything done while he naps, but at this point, I'm with him then too.

Am I messing up here? I feel really confused to be honest and feel like you guys might be able to understand how conflicted I'm feeling.
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  #2  
July 9th, 2011, 11:32 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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Honestly, sounds like what a lot of babies go through at this age. Both of my kids did the same thing and when my son was that age we were much more TP than after our daughter was born. Huge hugs hun! I know it can be rough but you are doing great and a wonderful mama!
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  #3  
July 10th, 2011, 01:04 PM
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Thanks, that does make me feel a little better. So during this time did you just continue to wear and carry them or encourage them to be more independent? I'm feeling really torn for the first time with him.
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  #4  
July 10th, 2011, 01:11 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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I would continue to do things like you usually do and try not to change things to much.
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  #5  
July 10th, 2011, 03:42 PM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My DD is 11 months old and I still can't go to the bathroom in peace. It's not enough for her to stand up in front of me while I go; she has to be sitting in my lap. Sorry if that's gross, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone. It's incredibly frustrating to try to get anything done while she's awake.
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  #6  
July 10th, 2011, 06:49 PM
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That's the weird part...he was sooooo easy for the first year. I still nurse him to sleep...in our bed...and then have to lay here with him. Don't get me wrong, I love every minute with him, but I'm feeling really uneasy all of a sudden and I'm not sure if it's how other people make me feel, how I perceive things, or that I worry that I've done him wrong. Today at my grandparents I just let him squack when they picked him up and he stopped after about 5 seconds each time. Maybe I just react too quickly.

Of course my grandmother had to make the comment "Have you ever thought of just letting him cry". I hate fighting with my grandmother, but it was really hard to not go off with how I've been feeling lately.

Oh how I would love to get absolutely anything done...even while he was sleeping. It all goes so so fast though! I feel like his baby time is slipping away from me and remind myself to just enjoy every minute even if it means my house goes a full year without vacuuming (kidding btw).
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  #7  
July 11th, 2011, 10:54 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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I think the family thing adds a lot to it. Its so hard to have differing view points from family. Its the same way in my family. Katelynn was not behaving in the store and I was calmly talking to her when he scooped her up and said why are we negotiating with a 2 year old she is NOT in charge. It wasnt like that at all at that point I was kinda shocked and didnt say anything. I know how hard it can be hun, but know you made the decision that was best for you and your family!
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  #8  
July 11th, 2011, 10:55 AM
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Don't feel alone - I have had "that" baby for 15 months lol. Now he has days where I can't go to the bathroom alone, others where he couldn't care less if I'm even in the room.

It sounds like your LO might be going through some major developmental changes and may be feeling a bit insecure. Even things and people that he has seen before may seem different to him suddenly. Their brains are going through constant change and their thought process changes as well. It's hard sometimes to remember that the entire world is brand new to them. At your grandparents house - he may have just needed a few seconds to get comfortable and remember that he was with people he could trust. Other times, especially if you were camping for the first time with him - even though you were with familiar people, the surroundings were completely different. MAMA is constant - mama is safe always, no matter where you are.

My two cents - do whatever works for you and try to shut out the criticism. Trust your instincts! They are there for a reason! It is so hard not to doubt ourselves and very easy to let comments from others (especially people we love and trust) crack away at whatever confidence we manage to hold on to.

Hang in there and remember you definately aren't alone! It sounds like you and DS have a wonderful and precious bond and don't worry that you're doing wrong by not letting him CIO. Trust those instincts - it's a hard lesson, but will make you stronger.
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  #9  
July 11th, 2011, 12:13 PM
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You guys are making me feel so much better!
Thank you so much for all of your support and great advice.
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  #10  
July 11th, 2011, 01:07 PM
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Colton is starting to hit something similar. He's acting all clingy all of a sudden when he's been such an easy baby this whole time. You know we still co-sleep and nurse on demand etc...I'm not wearing him as much around the house since his big sister is here for the summer so that's been nice. But just this morning after his nap he did not want me to put him down but instead clung to me like a little monkey. He's never been like that. He's also been hiding his head into my chest when we're out and about which he's never done either. So I think it must be the age Colton has been working on so many new things in the last couple weeks too and I think he's trying to get more teeth and he got a little cold the other day so he's just a hot mess right now! lol
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  #11  
July 11th, 2011, 06:35 PM
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Thanks Jackie...I was going to post in our PR tonight to see if it's a stage thing. Not happy that you guys are going through this one too, but it does relieve me a little. That's exactly how G's acting.
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  #12  
July 12th, 2011, 09:30 AM
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I also agree it's part of the age. I know even with my 10 month old she *can* play contently for a very short period of time with my sister/aunt/nana/grandpa even DH but if she sees me for even a second she shrieks and cries. It makes family gatherings very difficult because everyone wants to see the baby but she wont go to anyone if I'm around. It also makes things pretty had on my 2yr old who also wants mommy's attention.
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  #13  
July 13th, 2011, 12:25 PM
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It's pretty normal to go through something like that. I remember when ds1 went through that stage, wasn't fun, but he eventually got over it. I wouldn't change anything. And wearing him and letting him know you are there will help him become more independent.
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  #14  
July 18th, 2011, 10:18 PM
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I've worked really hard on helping him to learn a few words like "up" and wearing him more and he seems to be happy again. Perhaps it was just a developmental thing, or perhaps it had to do with teeth or another mysterious baby situation.
Thank you It was really nice to be able to tell people that I'd talked to some other moms, and they said...
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  #15  
July 20th, 2011, 12:55 AM
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How are things going now?
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  #16  
July 20th, 2011, 06:02 AM
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Improving every day. Now the hitting is the issue...he thinks it's hilarious...me...not so much
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