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"more difficult" baby first?


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
August 2nd, 2011, 10:48 AM
stephi1997's Avatar Veteran
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So, I'm kind of taking this out of the "one & done/relationship" thread....

Has anyone had a challenging, or more difficult baby the first time and a more laid back baby next? DS has been such a handful - I know a lot of his fussiness stems from his g.i. issues and sensory issues but sometimes, especially with the never sleeping, I feel like he is trying to kill me! I always get comments like "Oh your next one will be so easy!!" Just wondering if that actually ever happens
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  #2  
August 2nd, 2011, 01:18 PM
Kathode's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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happened for us. DD, wonderful as she is now, basically screamed her head off from the time she was 3 weeks old until she was about 9 months old. She wouldn't let anyone but DH or I hold her. She was diagnosed with colic but that was no help as there was nothing I could do about it. It was pretty awful. You couldn't deviate one iota from her schedule or it threw her off completely and you paid for it big time.
DS on the other hand is a happy cheerful little guy. He rolls with the punches and still smiles even when tired or hungry. Completely different baby.
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  #3  
August 2nd, 2011, 08:37 PM
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Happened for us too. DS was a high needs baby and still does need quite a but from us at 2 years and 4 months old. But DD, who is now 2 months old, is such an easier baby. I think that some of it also has to do with who we are as parents, DH and I. After going through the baby stage with a very needy DS, it paved the way for DD to come along and we feel like it is a piece of cake with her because we have already been through it. the biggest challenge has been trying to meet the needs of both little ones at the same time. We are two months in now and kind of feel like we are getting the hang of it and keeping our little people happy.
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  #4  
August 3rd, 2011, 08:39 AM
spicymustard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ditto the previous poster. Ds is much more laid back but we are also a lot more laid back. We ap'd our first but I worried a lot because of all the nay Sayers. This time I do what I want and don't worry about it. Also, ds sleeps waaaay better at night.
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  #5  
August 3rd, 2011, 09:16 PM
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Happened here as well. ds1 slept for 45 minutes a day (usually from 3:45 am - 4:30 am) for a few months. He also screamed for 9 hours a day (3 hours a time, 3 times a day). He was hardly ever content, really liked to move and if you stopped all hell broke loose. We didn't know back then, but we know now, that he has ADHD and sensory issues. That is probably why he was a "difficult" baby. ds2 was complete opposite. Slept for most of his 6 months until he started crawling then was up more. Rarely ever cried in the first year. He now does, and he's 15 months. He has learned about temper tantrums and has an opinion. So far ds2 hasn't showed any signs of ADHD or sensory problems. ds1 has started homeschooling this year (he's 4) and is ADHD really shows when trying to sit with him and do "school work". He loves doing his work books but he has a really hard time focusing, it is over the top.
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  #6  
August 3rd, 2011, 09:22 PM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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There's hope! LOL.

I think another baby like Juliana could destroy my sanity and my marriage, but I'd hate to not have another one if the second one would be easy going. I guess babies are kind of like a box of chocolates ...
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  #7  
August 4th, 2011, 11:55 AM
stephi1997's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jule'sMomInOR View Post
There's hope! LOL.

I think another baby like Juliana could destroy my sanity and my marriage, but I'd hate to not have another one if the second one would be easy going. I guess babies are kind of like a box of chocolates ...
LOL!!! That about sums up what I was going to post too!! Thank you all for the hope!! Jackson is just about bankrupting my last reserves this week and DH is traveling next week. He is "that" baby that only catnapped for the first almost full year (still only naps for about 1.5hrs in the afternoon), and for two months he thought 5am was his bedtime - but only for a few hours! He constantly needed motion and like MommaBee said - all hell broke loose if we stopped. He has sensory processing disorder and some GI issues, and I know that contributes to a lot of it. He's still not sleeping at night more than maybe 2hrs at a time (if I'm lucky).

I've always wanted kids, but this kid has put us through the wringer so much that I started to wonder if I had the stamina to do it again. I definately want more, and I can't let my fear of another challenging baby stand in the way. If we get another baby like DS, so be it....but I'll be sending all my hope to the universe that we get a break next time!!!

And it totally makes sense that after having this experience first, like others said we'll probably be much more laid back and worry a lot less.
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  #8  
August 4th, 2011, 11:58 AM
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I've heard of that, but Nathaniel was super easy with us. Hopefully that doesn't mean Lucia's going to be a hellion! lol But I think the fact that we were AP with Nathaniel is why he was so easy, so I guess it just depends on the baby :shrug:
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  #9  
August 4th, 2011, 01:06 PM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LessthanThree View Post
I've heard of that, but Nathaniel was super easy with us. Hopefully that doesn't mean Lucia's going to be a hellion! lol But I think the fact that we were AP with Nathaniel is why he was so easy, so I guess it just depends on the baby :shrug:
Hmmm, I've always wondered if the fact that we are AP with Juliana is what makes her so difficult. I mean, we don't let her fuss at all like most parents do and we're against CIO. If we gave her formula she'd probably sleep longer. And most moms at least wean by 1 year, but I'm still nursing Juliana every 1-2 hours. It's so worth it to be AP, but it seems like most of these issues would be easier if I wasn't. Then again, maybe she'd just scream constantly and it would be worse.
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  #10  
August 4th, 2011, 02:02 PM
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I am sure that the AP we do with Jackson makes things somewhat easier for us. We weren't ever able to get BF'ing to work, so I EP'd for the first 7months then we went to formulas. We finally found a formula that improved his GI issues dramatically from what they used to be, and unfortunately it made no difference in his sleeping and he still wants to eat every 2 hrs all day.

We don't CIO and I know it wouldn't work with him anyway. It would just make it 100x worse. There have been a couple times where I have had to step out of the room and let him cry for just literally a minute or two - when DH is traveling and I have to go take care of the dogs or pee or need to not throw him out the window! It made the entire night a bigger nightmare. His OT agrees that CIO wouldn't work with him anyway - I brought it up to her in the beginning when we were getting a lot of pressure and criticism just to get her opinion.

I cosleep with him every night - he either starts out in his bouncer or on the mattress in his room - and then I go to bed with him. When we started doing that (he used to cosleep with both of us but DH needs to get some sleep) he started to sleep a little better.

Wearing him is the only thing past and present that calms him sometimes - especially when he is afraid (he is TERRIFIED of vacuums, mops, brooms, etc).

I honestly didn't know what I was doing at first was labeled "AP"...I just did what felt natural to me. Next time I am definately going to be more confident and not let comments from other people rattle me.
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